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Malathi And Her Mother-in-law - A Real Life Story!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by varalotti, Jan 29, 2006.

  1. rvnachar

    rvnachar Silver IL'ite

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    Mothers-in-law

    Malathi's story is of course very good and she is a wonderful lady to have turned all demerits to positive energy and blossomed into a successful counsellor. But, as all others say, and you too agree, there are thousands and thousands of Malathis in India, suffering silently due to various reasons like they do not have the guts to oppose, they do not want to cause harm to their maternal homes and siblings, they do not have the guts to face the society, which always sympathises with the senior citizens, they do not have economic independence, they do not want their children to suffer or they do not want the poor husbands (when the husbands are good natured but cannot much help) to suffer. Ultimately, the dils are the sufferers and sacrificial goats. Of course, it is saintly of Malathi to bear the cross silently but how many of us have that mental strength? We may turn out to be mental wrecks if we do not even vent out our woes to anybody. So, all those who fight back are not really bad because not all of them walk out or shun responsibilities. They may only vent out their feelings but continue carrying out their duties sincerely. Okay, let me come to my personal life for authenticity.

    I was married in 1981 and was well employed. You won't believe the kind of treatment I got in my husband's home. We didn't even have a maid and we there 13 members in toto. I used to rise up early, wash the vessels, wash the courtyard and draw Rangolies as per tradition, sweep and swob the floor on many days, wash the clothes of all those who had bathed before me, which would be at least 5-6 members, cut vegetables, grind the masala and then get ready in a hurry to catch my bus. All I used to get was a cup of coffee and loads of taunts that my work is not satisfactory and my mother has not trained me well, because obviously, when I had to do so many things in the morning, I could not do 100% quality work. My mil would want me to move all the luggages dumped below cots and sweep, which was physically impossible. On most of the days, I would go crying to the office. I would be so hungry. My in-laws had no practice of making breakfast and my mil could not cook in a hurry despite so much of help from me. Even during my pregnancy, I used to go hungry and beg my friends to get me fruits and tender coconuts to keep me going. My mil was very jealous of me and would never give me any private time with my husband. In the evening, if I waited for my husband to pick me up on his scooter from my office, she would create a big scene and say I married her son only for his scooter and insist that I return fast by bus. I would be welcome with angry looks and long faces in the evening. So, I would fear going home. By 5.30 in the morning, my heart would start palpitating because my mil would rise and start shouting if did not come out of the room for 5 minutes. I lived in eternal fear like this. Though I lived with them just for 3 years, life was hell and since my husband was understanding and would fight for me, I could not desert him. Neither could I bear those fights at home. So, all I did was cry, cry and cry. I have cried so much during my pregnancy that my daughter now suffers physcological problems which the doctor relates to my bad pregnancy. Who has to help me and my daughter now? Even after all this, I have run around like a dog to get my 4 sisters-in-law and 2 bils married (though my fil took care of the finances), solve their family problems, help them during emergencies like death, divorce and fights, for 23 years. For the last 10 years my mil is paralysed and my fil is blind for the last 5 years. My brother-in-law's wife (who is a gem) and I take good care of them alternatively and all we get even today are taunts, abuses and complaints. My mother, sisters, brothers-in-law and my friends are right royally insulted. How can I bear it? I started fighting of late, because my patience has crossed limits. All I seek for is that they just enjoy life, as we have provided them with all comforts, not crib, talk in a friendly manner and let us live in peace. But no, that would not happen. They have caused so many rifts in the family that today none of my sils for whose sake I sacrificed all my joys even look at me. They do not offer any help to us for taking care of their parents even during emergencies, despite we handing over all the property to them and allowing my fil to credit the entire pension to one of them, without cribbing. What more do they expect to treat us in a friendly manner? I was a talented singer, academically an achiever, did well in the Bank, achieve small accolades in my writing field and none of these are ever appreciated or acknowledged by my in-laws. I have been portrayed as a 'bad' dil in my family circles. Only my friends and well wishers know what I am undergoing. My parents who silently suffered looking at my sufferings even now advise me to be patient and take good care of my in-laws, as that is my duty. Never had I gone out with my husband to a movie or even a walk while with them. You won't believe how my teenage sils used to decide whether I could sleep with my husband because our house was very small and we had guests to stay often! We had no honeymoon. In fact, after 20 years of marriage, we both visited my sisters in the US and that was our honeymoon. Yet I don't claim that I have suffered the most because I myself have seen worst sufferers, where even the husbands would not be understanding and the wives are not even given economic independence, though they earn.

    Today, I am blessed with a good husband and lovely children but am loaded with the mental trauma of taking care of my aged and sick in-laws who are never satisfied. So, when I read about Malathi's mil's appreciation and apology, I cried. When will my mil realise that she is lucky to have such good children and dils?

    Oh! I cannot stop talking about this because 25 years of continuous taunts have left permanent injuries in my mind. I recently heard a counsellor compare permanent physical disability to permanent mental injuries, which people advise 'to forget'. As Sharada says, I can only forgive but never forget even when I die.

    That's why, when I hear people sympathise with aged people without knowing their background, my blood boils. Who knows what these people had been like in their younger days? Of course I do not advocate 'Tit for Tat' but definitely, one needs to sow a good seed to get a good fruit. Unless you are nice to your dil how can you expect to be treated well in your old age? After all, all dils are not Malathies!

    Sudha Narasimhachar
     
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  2. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Here is one unsung heroine

    Dear Varalotti,
    I only outlined the sufferings of some of my near ones. My experiences, I did not write, thinking that there may be many women who must be suffering more than me. Now I find sudha's case a typical one. Indian mils (majority of them) are jealous of their dils sharing their life with their sons. They want to create as many bad impressions about the dils as possible and poison the minds of their sons and thus making them hate the wives.
    I think I can share my experiences also. When I was pregnant after 4 years, we went to my home for the seemantham. My mil brought her sister also and this lady created quite a lot of problems and my hubby was constantly quarelling with me when we were there. I was crying for all the 10 days when I was there. As soon as we came back, I was taken ill and was admitted in hospital and delivered my son, just 7 months grown and 1.35 kg. I cannot tell you the hardship of raising a baby like that. The baby had not even developed the tendency to suckle. It will only sleep and will not even take feeds. The child got madras eye in a week's time, he had astymin, albumin, protein deficiencies and also was aneamic. The first and third months were spent in the hospital, fearing the worst will happen and 2nd month with tension at home-visiting the hospital every other day. I barely slept for 1/2 hour at a stretch, I had to feed the baby every 1hour, the baby will take one hour to feed, even in night it was like that. Due to this, he is an epilaptic - undergoing treatmnt with nuerologist. He has to take medicines I don't know how long and what effect it will have later. There were also other problems, mainly ADHD, he has to be taught separately. He ws hyperactive and now he is alright in that aspect. I can never expect my son to be like other children of his age, I don;t know what we will have to face in the future. He was also operated upon his right eye for squint correction. If I write all in detail I think it will run for pages. All these sufferings because of the trauma I underwent during my pregnanacy.
    After all this, I took care of my mil when she was in coma- she had bedsore and even worms. No other dil even visited for the 4 months she ws in coma. My fil is paralyses on the right side and I had taken care of him, bathing him, doing physio for him feeding him etc. Even now he favours his other dils than me they have not even fed him a glass of water. All the financial benefits are ponly for the other two. My hubby realised very late, but the damage is already done. Now he doesn't keep contact with his people, but it is very late. When I think about it, I regret the time which had been wasted. Nobody can bring it back and the bitterness is there. But still I carry out my duty, as Sudha said. I left my job to look after my son when he was diagnised as an epilaptic and my fil said that I was lazy and so left the job. I contributed equally to pay back a loan on our house - my fil said that what I had earned in the Railways was enough only for meeting my expense for face powder. The joke is I never use face powder as I sweat a lot.
    After all this, is it possible not to hate the persons and hate only their deeds?
    Varloo
     
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  3. Sharada

    Sharada Senior IL'ite

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    Varloo and Sudha

    Your real life stories are heartbreaking. You both have gone through so much turmoil and hardship (both mental and physical) that any advice given may just be like a superficial band-aid on a fractured limb. However much we may want to, the past can never be erased. And Varloo for you, each time you see your son bad memories must be gushing forth. Sudha, try to look on the bright side - both your children are intelligent, balanced and are doing extremely well in their chosen fields. Even if your inlaws don't appreciate your writing, we at IL certainly do. You have even received a prize.
    It sounds very nice to talk about duty, karma etc - but I can imagine how horrible the scene must have been at home. Both of you come across as sensitive people - that has been your weakness. Develop a rhino's hide and nothing will affect you. Don't let anyone's negative comments ruin your day or pull you down - just ignore it and pep yourself with positive thoughts.
    If you need a friend, just reach out to any of us at IL - we'll always be there for both of you,
    Sharada
     
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  4. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    To Sudha And Varloo!

    To Sudha and Varloo who have bared open their lives to us, the only possible response I could think of is, just bow down and salute them. I could see a pattern in lives of you two people though you belong to different times, different communities and different places. At the centre of your lives there’s a person who has nothing but hatred for you, and whose mission in life is just to give hell to you people.

    I would be a damned fool if I advocate saintliness as an answer to you. Unconditional love which made Malathi succeed in her life and come out unscathed from her sufferings may not even work for you. I have already mentioned in this thread several times that Malathi’s mil though autocratic, nagging and all was basically a good person and her evil was only superficial. So Malathi’s love could wipe that off after many years of hard work and patience. And again in Malathi’s case her fil intervened at the right time and released Malathi from the clutches of her mil. In your cases your fils are also to be blamed. I don’t have any regards for a person who belittles the career of a working woman, saying that her salary would not be enough even for buying face powder! (Varloo’s case.) He should have known, given his age and experience, how difficult it is to get a permanent job in Indian Railways. He should have known that out of a thousand aspirants for a job like that, hardly one gets it.

    But unfortunately in the cases of you two people there was positive evil in your in-laws. We can’t rule out the possibility of unconditional love erasing that kind of evil. But the moot question is whether an unconditional love is at all possible in such cases. We are not saints to be capable of such a love in such circumstances. I can declare that your love for your in-laws was no less than that of Malathi. Sudha after everything still did care of her inlaws. Same with Varloo. And one thing I can infer is that both Sudha and Varloo love their husbands so much that they bore all these sufferings only the sake of their husbands.
    What makes your stories even more tragic is that your trauma has left an indelible impact on your children as well.
    <!--[endif]-->I am sure all the gracious ladies in IL will join me in a fervent prayer to Almighty God, that your children should be free from all the after-effects of your trauma, and lead normal, happy and highly succesful lives.
    Finally I owe a duty to all those who have been following this thread, to explain why I show-cased Malathi, while there are a lot of unsung Malathies around us.
    The case of Sudha and Varloo are very different and I am tempted to think case like theirs would be hardly 5% – 10%. (I don’t have any reliable statistics here).But if the majority of the cases are like theirs, then I don't think there's any future for humanity.
    But cases like Malathi’s are quite common. And for a typical case like that, all Malathies have two options – one, the normal route pursued by all average Malathis, to nag the husband and turn him against the family, to sow the seeds of hatred in their children and make them hate their grandmother and finally to develop bitterness in mind and thus becoming incapable of doing any productive work. A majority of Malathi’s choose that easy route. But my Malathi chose “the road less travelled and that made all the difference.” (Courtesy:Robert Frost)
    By show-casing Malathi’s life I wanted to show that there is such a way available to the modern dils. Of course where the problem is as acute as in the case of Sudha and Varloo, Malathi’s choices are not available. And I am not that heartless to blame you for not achieving enough.
    But I am sure you two have done your best under the circumstances. Since I have met and known Sudha personally, in her case, I can give the facts. She took up to writing pretty early and resigned a lucrative bank officers job to indulge in her passion – writing. She has written a number of articles and short stories which have appeared in leading dailies and magazines. Her short stories have appeared as part of a published anthology. She has written a very good book for children which was published by a leading publisher in Delhi
    As for Varloo, bringing up a son who needs special care and holding the family together by itself is a great achievement.
    <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> Hats off to Sudha and Varloo, who made us use our hearts instead of our heads to view the mil-dil problems.



    <!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]-->
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2006
  5. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks to your support

    Dear Varalotti and Sharada,
    thank you so much for your kind and soothing words. What else do I want more than to see my son getting a good life- being a good human being and helping others by being in a good position. I have always taught him to respect people irrespectve of their gender, position in society etc. So I hope he will fulfil my dream with God's grace and all your prayers. Actually I did not want to be a cry baby, I always look a happy person, smiling and friendly and ready to help anybody. As Sudha, I have also learned to channalise my energy by reading a lot, having lots of friends, cookery (of course) and other hand work. I also write to Tamil magazines (small writeups). Some 4 or 5 have been published in Aval Vikatan, one in Kumudam Snehithi and one letter was published in The Hindu (I wrote about eradicating eve teasing by teaching sons to respect women as human beings).I am a Tupperware Consultant and have done cooking demo one full day at our office during an exhibition in microwave. I really enjoyed that very much. I also have a good circle of friends. Now I have you all at IL too.
    Thank you verymuch,
    Varloo
     
  6. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Everyone,

    Have been reading this thread actively. I did not have personallyanything to conrtibute since my mil and iar like mother and daughter. But i do emphatise and sympathise with those who have suffered and hats off for braving it and coming out in flying colours. Doesn't that show THE INNER STRENGTH OF WOMEN.?

    But a point which kept popping up in my mind throughout....what is the role of the HUSBANDS AND FILS here.....it seems to be a waging war between women, and in some cases men when the fil is also taunting!

    Also was wondering arent these the same people who go out of the way to choose the bride and after the son's approval.Then what happens in the time between when the GIRL BECOMES the DIL, that so much hatred develops in these relationships. Very funny when u actually think about it....all the trouble people go to arrange marriage...i can understand if the son has brought in someone without their approval, but after all the pomp and ceremony, this happens.Also the hatred towards the dil's family.....some times they are unbelievable.

    Anyway, would like to end on a positive note, i guess this will end with our generation....the next genaration will not have such problems since most of the parents are like friends to their offsprings, i am sure they will not instill such cruelties on their own children, after all why dont these MILS AND FILS understand that their own son is the one who is going to suffer in all this and their future generation in the long run.

    Well thanks to all of u in advance to read my ramblings.....

    Cheers!
     
  7. prathi

    prathi Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi all,


    First of all i dont want to comment on malathi alone. As many members rightly ponted out, there are many unsunng heroines who have gone thru much more with no or very less options.

    But the "Dont hate the person" attitude of malathi is something we all can emulate.

    My heart goes out for all the experiences many of u had being the DILs.


    I was married 6 years back. Like many NRI wives i had to wait for a year before i joined my hubby - the only reason being i was expecting. I stayed with my in-laws through out this period. This might be an excruciating experience to many. But for me and my co sister it was made very pleasant by our lovely in-laws. Even her hubby - my hubby's brother had gone to Muscat and she was waiting for her visa.

    That one year made the four of us a family - My mother in law, father in law and my co sister. (who is more like a sister to me).

    Our MIL is our guru in many ways. A very beautiful and an elegant lady. Spiritually inclined but nor overly imposing on us. She is very knowledgeable and has taught us many things from dressing up to vishnu sahasranama.


    My fil is a wonderful person. His sense of humor is great and i am not exaggerating. As we were away from our hubbies, he understood our pain and used to try to make us laugh with all kinds of jokes and he used to come with me for my monthly check-ups with the gynaec. He is just an adorable person and everyone who has known him will accept this.

    I just can’t find ways to thank God for making me stay home for that year. My in-law's place became my home. Even now i will be counting days to go HOME every year. I love them and i know they love us.


    Of course that doesn’t mean they don’t tell us what is right and what is wrong. But i think when there is love everything becomes acceptable just like how it is with our parents. I want this to be like this for ever and shall pray God for the same.


    Life is no fairy tale i know.

    Just like many others on board a friend of mine has suffered a lot in this aspect.


    She was a happy go lucky, brave girl. Got married with parents' consent and arrangement. She was tortured by her mil. She became pregnant and she was asked to mop the whole house, cook, wash, everything. But her MIL used to not give her food to eat and milk to drink. They used to take all the cooked food and lock up in their room. I donno y ppl act this way. Her child was born and he is retarded in growth and now around 5 years old. He gets frequent convulsions and cannot talk and goes to special school. She is suffering very much. Even now her in laws r like that and her hubby tells " i cant help, u have to go thru." I admire her courage in standing all this and her patience in taking care of her son. But i think the torture meted out at her is far too much to withstand. So, she goes hysteric sometimes and is on the brink of consulting a shrink to solve her depression. My heart goes out every time i learn such things about her. Her hubby is not ready to go away from his parents, as he is the only son. She cant leave her hubby due to her child's ill health.

    My friend's story is more like our member Varloo's story and such MILS must realise their harsh treatment towards their DIls has direct repurcussions on the lives of their sons and grandsons.

    We can,t undo the past but atleast let us all learn to hold no prejudice and bitterness towards any person we have in our lives.
     
  8. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    My God, A Good Mil At Last!

    Hi Prathi,
    Your post came at the moment when all our hearts were quite heavy with the mil stories and at the moment we had lost all hopes on the mil-dil relationship. We are all very happy for you, Prathi. Perhaps the penance you did in your previous births had given a good mil to you.
    Now your friend's story is quite tragic. One thing I could not understand with these cruel mils is this. They see their dils as rank outsiders and rivals in their love for their sons. And this perception leads to all the cruel activities. But even those who have the barest minimum common sense would understand that by torturing a pregnant dil, you are ultimately playing with the lives of your grand-children. How these gross mils miss this simple fact? They should not only cruel but stupid as well. Otherwise how can we account for such a behavious from them?
    As a man ( who according to many ladies, is free from these types of troubles, but we have troubles from a million other places, which is a different story) I can't comment on mil-dil relationship with authenticity. But reading all the stories I am able to recollect a comparable phenomenon -ragging in colleges. Thanks to the Govt action it has come down a lot. But in those days, my God, it would be outright cruel. Students being stripped, asked to walk with their knees in scorching sun, asked to do many demeaning, perverse acts.. Now if you ask a college student why is he ragging, he would say, "summa jalliku" (just for fun). When you go deeper he would shout at you, I was ragged in a far worse manner. Thank God, you don't have my seniors who went ten steps ahead of me. I am sure many a cruel mil will have the same argument - I suffered worse with my mil. So the story continues.
    Only the greater force of intervening love would put an end to the menace. Reform in this area would take years, generations and centuries. One fail-proof method is that all the gracious ladies of IL who are dils, let them take a pledge, that they will behave well with their dils though they may not shower love, that they will treat her like a human being, if not as their own daughters and generally will not do anything to them which their own mil did to them.
    I am proud to have generated such a lively discussion; but also sad, because in the process, I have made some relive their horrible past.
    regards,
    sridhar
     
  9. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

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    as I see it

    Ladies & Sridar,

    I am sorry to write after this discussion is over, still have been following it closely. Being a woman basically- daughter, wife, DIL, gender consultant - in my many avtars I have seen different MsIL. I do not want to be judgemental here- just want to recount the stories of two of them.

    My story is a bit long winded and silly but true as daylight, so stay with me please.

    My family is very proud of my sister who is the Head of Cardiology Tata Hospitals. We all have stories of how we have been instrumental in her reaching this coveted post, healing hundreds of clients(as she calls them, not patients). But honestly, what she is today is because of her MIL. When she got married and moved to the other end of India, she was just a MBBS. Her MIL helped her with two deliveries and in raising two little girls to become professionals. My sister had to do MD and DM in Patna and Chandigarh- both involving long years of stay from the home. Thru all this, her MIL helped her. At one stage, my sister went ahead of her husband- also a surgeon, in their profession. Even at that stage, neither her husband nor her MIL discouraged her, rather they were the ones who motivated her to aim higher. I salute this warm and progressive lady who saw her DIL, above all as a human being.

    My other story is abt two ladies- MIL 1 is now no more. She was raised on the banks of Tamaraparani, the daughter of the wealthiest man in her village and the wife of the wealthiest man in the next village. Living as she did 80 years back in a feudal system, she had no education, but managed to read Ramayanam and Bhakta Vijaya and make the crispiest kai murukkus in the village. She lost 6 children at birth and was widowed at 40, left to raise a son and daughter alone. This she did admirably, her son grew up educated and devoted to his mother and sister. Unfortunately wealth brings its own grief. Her daughter was abused relentlessly in her husband's family who took away all their lands and gold. So mother and son had to leave their village and travel north in search of life and livelihood.

    But MIL1 was a gritty woman. Also a good one. She decided that while she could do nothing abt her own daughter being abused by her in-laws, she could do a lot abt caring for her own DIL (we call her DIL1). So MIL1 took on all household responsibilities, raised her grand children, and her DIL1 had a pretty free reign. She could enroll in classess all over the city, write poetry, discuss Bharathi and Pudumai Penn, talk abt Amelia Eraheart and Marie Curie- DIL1 was one socially aware and liberated lady. Thanks to MIL1.

    Years passed and MIL1 had a peaceful end. Now DIL1 had her own daughter married off in the US and harassed by her MIL there on US standards. DiL1 also had her own DIL, we call her DIL2.

    DIL2 was the only daughter of well-off parents, well educated, could speak Sanskrit and French. But MIL2 harassed the wits out of her. She did not give her food, would not allow her to dry her clothes on a line (DIL2 had to spread them under the bed), would not give her a bucket to have a bath, would not allow her to speak to her mother. But what was truly sad in all this harassment was that, MIL 2 would often tell DIL2, 'I am only harassing you because my daughter is being harassed by her MIL. This is nothing personal against you, I am just getting back at my sambandhi- daughter's MIL'.

    Two women in the same house, faced with the same situation over time and they dealt with it in diametrically opposite ways. MIL1 used her daughter's abuse as a lesson on 'what not to do'. The educated,modern MIL2 used her daughter's abuse as a lesson on' just what to do'.

    Fortunately, her son, husband of DIL2, warmed up to this situation and they left India. MIL2 also moved to the US and they did not see each other for sometime.4 years later, MIL2 needed serious surgery and all good will before she went under the scalpel. She called her DIL2 to her hospital, apologied for all her earlier misbehaviour and torture and told her that things would now be different. DIL2 was not very smart, she accepted the apology with much grace and stayed back in India to look after her MIL. MIL2 came hale and hearty from the surgery and today does not spare a single opportunity to harass her DIL again. All her apology and regret earlier had been just to get over the tough period. A few months later, DIL2 left India again.

    My point is things do not change much and change does not seem imminent. One has to work round this situation. It is Darwin all over again, 'survival of the fittest'.

    As a gender consultant, I meet women at work everyday. Women a workers deprived of rights in the workplace, women as refugees fleeing poverty and oppressive policies, African women who are victims of genital mutilation. In my office,we work on advocating their rights, in securing their participation in social spheres and laour markets, even in tackling cultural norms like forced mutilation. But makes makes us really sad, what touches us most, is when women talk abt being abused at home by husbands and in-laws. Because we know that there we have no jurisdiction, we have no way of reaching out to the abuser, no way of making sure that the deed is not repeated.

    Sad- but true and my life is much wiser but sadder after seeing this.

    Vidya
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2006
  10. AGR

    AGR Bronze IL'ite

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    Re:Tempted to reply.....

    Hi

    I am married for 2 years now.......my husband is the only son and he has an elder sister....just like prathi i also have a good SIL, BIL & MIL. In fact I have got a new house next to my father’s house. But I seldom go to my parents place and stay. The clash comes in small things….. ………for eg., in case it becomes late to start from office she will not allow my husband to come and pick me up (too concerned about her son…….) . But my hubby would tell some thing to her and will come and pick me up ………..this is just one eg. And obviously one question that would come to my mind is that, in case if it had been my SIL coming late would the reaction be same……….and I used to tell my husband that MIL cannot be Mother..... ……….every time she goes out for a marriage she used to praise the gals family out of the way ……of course, I cannot call it as kodumai and all……..these are small small things will linger in our mind ………..but when we got married my husband had clearly told me that whatever I need to communicate I should tell him & he would communicate the same……..One particular issue if told by my husband will have one reaction and the same issue if told by me will have a different reaction……..Initially it was very difficult not to retort back……..now I have learnt the trick…….I need to just convince my husband to convince my in laws………the root cause for all these things is 2 much attachment ………so its always better to have a detached attachment on every thing so that u can also live peacefully and others can also live peacefully………..but one thing me and my husband are very clear…….wherever we are and however my in laws behave with us they will stay with us…….after all I also have a father & mother and I also have a brother and sister in law………..:clap
     

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