Madam Modem

I looked closely.. It certainly was a wink.. But it was not a come hither wink but wink as defiance, a challenge. “Do your worst but I won’t come around” the wink seemed to say. Mo I was not looking for an inviting wink from a PYT at the risk of inviting a flying rolling pin from DW . In fact I didn’t want a wink at all but a blink from Madam Modem. Yes I am talking about the modem that is the bhagya vidatha of my internet connection.


Here what is the difference between a wink and a blink? When you wink you do it with one eye and blink with two. A wink could range anywhere between an invite to “Go to hell”. A blink is usually a sign of incomprehension but in this case when Madam Modem blinks all five eyes shine .That means she is in a mood to work.


Now the question arises why Madam and not Mr.Modem? That is because my modem is as capricious as .... No I won’t say anymore. If I do I will be trolled by angry ladies. You fill in the blanks.


Even those who agree with the modem’s gender would object to “Madam” They would say it should be “Madame” not “Madam”. Madam is an unfortunate term that is used to depict only dicey women who ran houses of ill repute in areas described by a particular traffic signal which makes passerby come to a halt.


But Madam” suits my modem fine. Because the red light is always constant and unblinking while the other lights go on and off according to the lady’s caprice. Of late madam has been too moody and keeping me away from my bosom pal internet a bit too frequently while the red light is glaring constantly at me, t two of the lights wink at me (yes wink, not blink) and two others are on a strike.


As soon as that happens, a tiny black T-Rex appears on the screen along with the info that I have no internet connection for the moment.


If Madam Modem gave up her ghost it would be fine. I can always get a successor. But no. You just don’t’ know how she would behave. I finish writing an entire blog and then click to post it and voila, the teeny-weeny dinosaur appears with the unhappy tidings that madam is in no mood to work.


Sometimes madam was kind enough to allow me to post a blog but then when I started replying to FBs she played spoilsport. Due to madam’s unpredictability we took turns to sit at the computer table pretending to read and giving glances at the modem from corners of our eyes. People passing by my house I am sure, would have heard blood curdling shouts as if in a ye olde American western where the Indians yell before grabbing the palefaces and scalping them. The shouts indicated that the modem is working and we should quickly jump on to our computers and get the benefit of the internet connection before madam changes her mood.


We called the MTNL guys but whenever they came, madam was at her best behaviour . “Teekh tho hai” was the common refrain of the technicians. And once they left , she was back to her tricks and the tiny dinosaur once again appeared on the screen. I was almost tempted to knock unconscious an MTNL guy and confine him permanently in our house so that madam would behave.


“Who is using the internet in your house?”One exasperated tech guy asked after his umpteenth visit to our house. “Me, my two dogs and six cats “ I replied angrily. “How does it matter who uses it? You are here to find out why we are NOT able to use it”. He let out a loud sigh and departed.


The next day we bade farewell to Madam Modem and welcomed her successor. The newcomer is behaving exceptionally well so far (touchwood!). But who knows maybe they are all like Bollywood/Kollywood actors who are quite modest at the beginning of their careers , but when stardom goes to their heads start behaving like Madam Modem

 

Nice to know I have company. I think modems are endowed with IQ They can smell a technician miles away.

 

Shyamala pleeeeze don't give ideas to my new modem. It could give me new headaches.

 

Kamala that modem must have beeb your MIL in a previous birth. It is trying to play that role in this birth too.

 

Aw come on. I know a lot of people sick and tired of BSNL and yearning for MTNL.