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Loveless, sexless marriages and EMA

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by MaritalBliss, Feb 5, 2013.

  1. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    A very dramatic way of saying it. But to tell the truth, this is what they do regularly. By withholding sex or by being a reluctant sexual partner, by being unable to be in love, squandering family finances, irresponsible with their health, by being cruel, restricting etc etc. By the very nature of it, many things in a marriage are "win-lose".
     
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  2. Pranjjal

    Pranjjal Gold IL'ite

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    Ya but Most of Indians use exit strategies to come out of Abusive relationship not out of loveless,sexless marriage OP asked, IMO
     
  3. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh Girls...we love Drama Steve ....
     
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  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Just because what is being done is diff from what has to be done ... doesn't make it right.
     
  5. shyamalajh

    shyamalajh Gold IL'ite

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    one is tied up in a loveless, sexless marriage doesn't mean they will suddenly stop needing them. They are bound to look for them elsewhere. If I am in such situation, I would accept the fact that my spouse may get tempted to go look for them elsewhere. I won't be naive thinking all is same. I will assume it is a possibility and act accordingly, that is try hard to patch up or resign to the fact I will have to live with that possibility or divorce. No chance, I will believe that my spouse will be faithful like earlier and is living like a saint especially because he didn't notify me about such possibility. I guess it goes without saying.
    Is it justifiable? Man(or woman) got to do what he/she got to do sometimes. It is bound to send very wrong message to kids. Definitely should be avoided.
     
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  6. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    E for Elephant
    M for Mouse
    A for Apple

    Just kidding ofcourse :)....It stands for Extra Marital Affair
     
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  7. nandita24

    nandita24 Gold IL'ite

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    Whatever it is, the absolute need is openness and honesty with one's spouse. If things are not working out and the option of a divorce is closed then EMA can be considered. But this EMA must within the full knowledge of one's spouse. Otherwise there is bound to be a lot of trauma and guilt.

    Nandita
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    JAG, the essence of your argument that 'EMA is wrong' cannot be argued with, but:
    OK, it works for them, but need not be the case for many others. LIke each marriage is different, each divorce or broken marriage is too. I have a friend in an extremely unhappy marriage, two kids. She says she can't do the stuff with her son that dads do and it hurts when son asks her why dad won't play with him. Divorce is not an option due to young kids & bunch of other reasons. Husband will get violent if she suggests arrangement like ur colleague's.

    To a person like her, I couldn't in good faith say "you should end your marriage before looking elsewhere for love/affection". If she found any solace anywhere, I would feel something close to happiness (tinged with sadness) for her. She is the typical example of staying in the marriage for the kids. Older kid understands.

    The way I rationalize it is, she in no way contributed to the marriage's sorry state, but she is stuck in it. How fair is it to expect a person who's been dealt such a lousy deal in life to stick to the "right" path...

    Like I said, "EMA is wrong" is difficult to argue with. I won't say it is wrong, but, can't bring myself to wholeheartedly condemn in ALL situations.

    Agree, but remember that there is a difference between a person breaking monogamy vows in a happy marriage versus in an already broken beyond repair marriage.

    Depends on the kind of DEVIL the not-cheating spouse is. :) (My contribution to the drama quotient). :)
     
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  9. prettydevil

    prettydevil Platinum IL'ite

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    if they can make effort to "look" for love/sex outside, can't they make efforts to "look" for love/sex with their "own" H/W.
     
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  10. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    Weigh the reasons forcing one to be in the marriage to the reasons to get into EMA.. which ever weighs more, go towards that in ONE WAY.. not bi-directional, we are gonna mess up both if we are bidirectional.
    If family is important, tie a thread real tight to that end and remain in the family.
    If EMA reasons are strong, leave the family(could be legal divorce, kid's future arrangements etc) and go with EMA.
    Please dont look back and feel good or bad.. just go in the one and only one direction.
    No average mentally stable person can accept EMA+Family at once..
     

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