Loveless, sexless marriages and EMA

I am not justifying EMA is good or bad but here are my thoughts

There are close to 7 billion people in this world. So according to me, there are 7 billion different ways people can think.There have been a few threads on IL about EMAs. In some cases the woman initiated it and in some the guy initiated it. On many occasions the members who replied to those thread made verbal accusations and gave a nice "beating" to the thread starter. I also did the same on some occasions. But sometimes I feel was it right? Who am I judge someone if he/she is a cheater ?

Most women want emotional attachment more than anything else. The rest of the women want physical and emotional attachment both. Men on the other hand are opposite. They want physical attachment more than anything else. Few men want emotional and physical attachment both.

There are many reasons I believe someone has an EMA - sex and love is missing, the man or woman feels like they are taken for granted, there is no spark and attraction - it ceases to exist, interference of inlaws/work stress/distance growing between husband and wife and that in turn affecting the marriage, and many more

We as Indians have been brought up with the value that marriage is a sacred thing. I do believe in all cultures it is the same thing. But over the years, marriage has just been a legal document called as "marriage certificate". It has just become a ceremony. It has just become "name sake". The importance that marriage had before, it has lost over the years. I think TV and movies are to be blamed for this to some extent. (Movies and TV shows that show infidelity is fun and is an option). Nowadays marriage is another name for "convenience".

I think some years back people used to stay in marriages even if they were unhappy in their married life ( emotionally, physically). But over the years expectations from husband/wife has grown tremendously. They don't have that much patience anymore to work on the marriages. There maybe exceptions though.
Add to that the influence of TV and movies. Hence I think we are seeing a lot of EMAs lately. I think many couples are unhappy in their marriages even now but they are in it for the kids. Some are in it because they are like " What will people think if we divorce".

Again its hard for me to say Yes or No unless I have been in their shoes and unless I know what was going on in their mind and heart. Someone posted that EMA is not pre-planned. I agree to that. It also depends on the factors leading up to the EMA.

In some cases I think men/women go on looking for EMAs just for sex. That thing is missing in their married life. They still love their husband/wife and kids but there is a void called "sex" in their married life. Everything else is just perfect.

But I personally believe and think that unless I am in that person's shoes and unless I know what was going through his/her mind, I cannot or should not judge someone. Many people would say EMA is a strict NO whatever maybe the reason. But it's hard to suppress your emotions and feelings. It's hard to kill your mind and heart. It is hard to imagine that the person who is your husband or wife has stopped being your husband/wife.

 

Rihana, I always thought that a single happy parent is better than two unhappy ones. But yours and steve's responses got me thinking. Maybe you are right, if the situation is not worse like an abuse, then the parents can and should stay together for the kids. The world is not really a great place and the child could be subjected to much worse outside home affecting them.

 

Not really.There are thousands of cases where affairs are planned. This thread is an example.
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/201878-help-what-should-i-do.html
Many affairs are planned at some level

 

MB:

I don't understand the point of this discussion. If you want to judge your friend, it's probably not your place to do so. Friends should not judge friends on matters like this, IMO.

Regarding whether one can do that for themselves or not is for them to decide depending on their conscience and value system. I guess it's for this reason that this is not a crime and even if it is on the books because it was so a long time ago, most decent countries don't enforce that law.

 

Adultery is a punishable offense in India. only men can be punished!

 

Anybody punished under that law lately? I mean, is it enforced?

Indian law has many issues that have to be challenged under "equal treatment under the law" constitutional right. I guess that is inherent in any constitution of a democratic country. I wonder why such things (489a for example is another one) go unchallenged on constitutional grounds.

 

If having EMA can be justified because of loveless and sexless marriage,then why marry in the first place.Do not marry and have sex with anyone you please just like how animals do.

 

Yes..agreed...some are planned, and some are not planned. The Man and the Woman know what they are getting into.

 

i do not know of any particular case but i believe as long it is in IPC, men can be punished if the wronged party insists on it. Parliament is the supreme authority in India. it can just overturn an decision by the court. That is the reason laws like 498a are not modified.