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Love Marriages - How successful?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by rvnachar, Nov 6, 2008.

  1. Malathijagan

    Malathijagan Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Sudha,
    Your blog on Love marriages does bring out the seriousness of the issue in the current day world where every other marriage seems to be a love marriage. Some of your concerns were very justified.
    As you have rightly said, whether love marriage or arranged marriage, for both cases, the foundation is trust.Possessiveness does spoil relationships when it becomes an obsession. Some may ask, is not possessiveness itself an obsession? But my opinion is that possessiveness does bring the two people closer. The problem starts when that possessiveness crosses the limits of decency and makes the other partner a prisoner of love.

    This seems to be a very good idea! But I wonder if there will be takers for this with young people blinded with 'LOVE' as they as they go about courting.Alas, it is sad that whether it is medicine for illness or advice for a good life ahead, nobody wants prevention before the problem but only a cure for the malady!
    In such a situation we can only pour out our feelings as we stand helpless and tongue tied with todays happenings on the marriage front.
    Your blog does make us ponder-"Can't we desperately do something for these love lorn (lost) people?"
    Love,
    Malathi
     
  2. likemychai

    likemychai New IL'ite

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    Sudha, I think you have come up with the best idea I have ever heard of for this problem - marriage counseling in schools would be a tremendous aid globally, regardless of cultural or religious background.

    As you have said, so many young people will not listen to their parents and, in some cases, they would not benefit from the advice they'd have gotten regardless (many of the youngsters coming up now are from dysfunctional families, not a good example and perhaps not the best place to turn to for guidance in those circumstances). If they were to be taught coping skills (how to compromise, how to disagree and resolve issues with mutual respect, how to recognize abuse, etc.) early on, they might have a better chance at happiness and may even be more willing to listen to the wise advice of their elders after all.

    Also, many people - men especially - are hesitant to attend any form of "counseling" later in life, seeing it as unecessary or not "macho". If, however, marriage counseling classes were mandatory in schools, that excuse no longer holds water (not that it does now, but then there's no choice) and they would hopefully learn enough in class to carry with them to their relationships later on - not just in marriage, but the skills learned would benefit all relationships.

    You have truly a great idea and I hope you will suggest it to those who can implement it and make it a reality - hats off to you!
     
  3. Navaljee

    Navaljee Senior IL'ite

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    From Navaljee to

    ‘Techie smothers his wife and kills himself just one year after his marriage’
    Yes, this happens many a time. But that has nothing to do with love. Love is the sacred stream that purifies both the souls involved and makes them better humans.

    Navaljee
     
  4. rvnachar

    rvnachar Silver IL'ite

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    Navaljee,

    That's exactly what I am saying. Many youngsters do not know the difference between infatuation and true love. When one is in true love, he/she will have and should not have any negative feelings. He/she must be loving everything and everybody around himself/herself. Blind possessiveness and mistrust have no place in a relationship built on true love. How can you doubt a person whom you love truly?

    Sudha Narasimhachar
     
  5. vidhurk

    vidhurk New IL'ite

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    mine is a love marriage and i'am married for the past 19 yrs. love marriage can be successful only if love remains fresh in both partners. by God's grace, v both r still madly in love with each other. still iam against love marriages . u know y, nowadays the so called "LOVE" is rare to find. the younger generation r confused with "friendship and love." the media is the main culprit for spoiling and confusing the younger generation.like one drop of poison kills a person, same way one spoilt child can spoil the entire friend circle. nowadays love is portrayed as some achievement among youngsters. those who r not in this trap are treated as dumbos.in coming years, there will be a time where v will be searching for true love.. as all those would have vanished by then.
     
  6. rvnachar

    rvnachar Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Zafya,

    That's exactly what I have tried to say. There can be no common remedy for all illnesses. What I meant was, whether you choose your partner or your parents choose, finally life starts only after marriage and both the persons start REALLY understanding only when they live under one roof with total commitment. Till such time that they are not committed and are well supported by both the families for all their wants and also do not have any common responsibilities, both of them will be angels, bcause all they have to do is to please each other, enjoy and entertain each other. But once they set up a family and a home, then begins the real life. Both of them have to not only satisfy each other's wants but have to meet the demands of both the families, the community and the society. They can never live like islands. Children will enter their lives and then the demands will increase, responsibilities will multiply and they become answerable to so many other people. Leading 'independent' life by today's youngsters means just throwing money for everything and enjoying. But that will not work in a home, even in a nuclear set-up, once the children come into their lives. Children need to be fed properly, need to be attended all the 24 hours, need to be schooled and need to be moulded into useful citizens. That is not an easy job and both the partners have to put their heart and soul into the job, sacrificing so many of their wants. It is then that they start picking on each other.

    Sudha Narasimhachar
     

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