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Love Marriages - How successful?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by rvnachar, Nov 6, 2008.

  1. rvnachar

    rvnachar Silver IL'ite

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    LOVE MARRIAGES – HOW SUCCESSFUL?

    ‘Techie smothers his wife and kills himself just one year after his marriage’. This news item was printed on the front page, just because the couple involved were well educated and were from MNCs. But there are many such cases happening everyday. Men kill their lovers, doubting their character, youngsters kill teenage girls, if they do not accept their advances, men attack pretty girls with acid and ruin their lives, if they do not agree to marry them, husbands get their wives killed or carry on the murders themselves, if they suspect that they have some affairs outside the marriage and the list goes on! These are besides the hundreds of murders that take place on the issue of dowry, decades after a law has come into force against accepting or giving dowry!

    Did such incidents not happen in the past? That is a relevant question. Of course ‘love’ in the sense of attraction of the two genders against each other is eternal and there are hundreds of love sagas in all languages, in all States of India and in all countries. Most of the love stories end in tragedy. 80% of the Bollywood movies are based on love and after seeing these movies one gets an impression that every boy and every girl that goes to college does nothing but falls in love and spends all the time in the college, going around with the partners without the knowledge of the parents and ‘ENJOYING’ life.

    I often wonder how love marriages, which happen after the couple have courted for years together and sometimes even lived together (as in the case of the recent murder), can fail? If courtship is strongly recommended for the couple to understand each other, of what use is such courtship if the couple do not read the warning signals and change their decision? Doesn’t this in itself prove that nobody really projects his or her true self unless driven to live under one roof as a spouse? On the whole, marriage still remains a risk, whether it is an arranged marriage, where the man and woman decide to marry based on certain facts given to them, in just a few minutes or whether the man and woman marry after dating for years together. I know of a couple (foreigners), who lived together for 10-12 years but never married after that. Thus what does that word ‘marriage’ really do to the hearts?

    Though all these issues were present even in the past, live-in relationships in the Western style are on the rise only of late. How can a person who cannot tolerate his wife interacting with another male, even after knowing her for four to five years, have a healthy mind? Isn’t something very wrong with the individual? If two persons cannot trust each other totally, they have no business of entering into the contract of marriage, because marriage stands on the main foundation of total trust.

    ‘Possessiveness’ is given as the reason for such a behaviour from an insecure individual. Such individuals need psychiatric treatment. Which husband is not possessive of his wife or the vice versa? Even if, unfortunately, one of them ditches on the other, there is always an option of walking out of the contract. Why go to such extremes?

    All these are the fall-out of the changing values in the society. Families are no more what they used to be. Even parents who want to teach some values to their children are looked at as enemies. If out of their experience, the parents can sense dangers in a relationship and hence warn their wards, they are hated as intruders and villains of love. Hence, many of the youngsters even move out of their secure families and get into such immature relationships. Money is no problem these days. Youngsters start earning hefty salaries right after their college. Though as per law they are adults, they are immature and get blinded by this thing called love. The parents are left helpless, as they are shown the law. Which parent would not want his child to get into a successful marriage? Adding salt to the injury is the way parents are projected in most of the Bollywood movies – cheap, villainous and criminal! Sometimes I wonder whether parents also get influenced by such movies, because there are many cases, where the parents get the lovers of their children murdered!

    The great predicament today is the unhealthy mix of two cultures – East and the West! While children non-hesitantly depend upon their parents for all their wants – financial, physical and moral well beyond the age of eighteen, they only do not want their parents to interfere in their matters of love and marriage, as they are adults! That’s very fair, provided these so-called adults can deal with whatever the results are of their affairs. But most of the time, they either depend upon aged parents for post-break-up or post-divorce legal hassles, physical and mental back-up and moral support or due to bloated ego, they commit suicides or even murders, as it happened in the recent case. Once again the parents are left with the burden of bearing the sorrows either way! Is it not better to give a fair chance for the parents to give their opinions out of their experience, though they need not necessarily be followed, if the children feel so?

    The very edifice of ‘family’ has undergone a tremendous change. Every individual wants to live like an island in these already broken families. Gone are the days when families meant sharing, concern for each other, respect for elders, love for youngsters, direction and advice for youngsters, physical and mental security for all members and peace. These days children are not safe with their parents, aged parents are not safe with their children and grandchildren, wives are not safe with husbands and vice versa and all of them are not safe with people who work for them! Very sorry state of affairs!

    It is high time that along with sex-education in schools, marriage counseling is also given to youngsters in their colleges, because anything that is available easily at home has no value. There is this popular saying in Kannada, ‘Hitthalu gida maddalla’! Maybe the youngsters would prefer to heed to the advice of some third person!

    Not many parents today are against love marriages but definitely against such relationships which are built on flimsy foundation and can end in mishaps!

    Sudha Narasimhachar
     
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  2. Amywos

    Amywos Bronze IL'ite

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    Sudha mam,

    I should admit that this is one of the finest blogs. A perfect timely topic where many youngsters are losing lives (Physically, sometimes mentally) due to many issues arising out of love. You have brought out the truth so well with rich points and with a very good narration.

    I have nominated this blog for the Blog contests.
     
  3. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Amy you did a good thing nominating this blog. I do make a small recommendation to catch up with her earlier blogs too seeing that you admire her writing. She is definetly an excellent writer and the messages she brings across are always the ones needed in todays world.
     
  4. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Sudha You have brought forth commendable points and support of your theory too.. really good to read and think over. Glad this blog got nominated today!
     
  5. Amywos

    Amywos Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks AC mam, Infact only thru you, I came to know that there is some nominations/contests in IL :)

    And thank you so much for referring the other write ups of Sudha Mam. Will definitively give them a read.
     
  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hi sudha,

    Loved the way you brought out the subject. recent trend that i see in all the metros, they just fall into a habit of a person at workspace, forget to analyse, or i sometimes think they become blind to all the other signals...

    I have seen lot of them saying after an year, if given a chance may be i would not have done it in the first place.

    I feel this generation will not listen to a third person also...there is a proverb once bitten twice shy...so only if they touch the fire, will they understand it is hot, until they they will definitely be doing it, even if they know fire is something that has to be handled understood carefully.

    mine is a love marriage, met him at my work, but i am still going strong after 15 years.

    It is not the number of years of courting or not courting, that helps in the success of a marriage, i suppose it is something about going into it with your two eyes opened along with your mind and heart. so that you are practical and emotional sides know their balance...
     
  7. Lalitha Shivaguru

    Lalitha Shivaguru Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Sudha,


    A perfect blog at the right time. I do agree with your views. Wonderful treat and an eyeopener. Thanks for the same dear.
     
  8. varhem

    varhem Platinum IL'ite

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    hi sudha
    a good one.you have written the reality.
     
  9. manasa_gs

    manasa_gs Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Sudha Madam,
    i agree to your points written in the blog, but i dont completely agree some of your points. :)
    You had said that nowadays youngsters are blindly falling in love and are not respecting the tradition etc.
    But i would say, in a way parents are responsible for that, coz , parents have started bringing up their kids in a more luxurious way, rather than bringing them up with lot of values, they compete with other parents in bringing up their kid. I have seen this in many homes.

    There are lot of youngsters who are still waiting for their parents approval for their love instead of going away from parents and home and getting married themselves.
    But there are still lot of parents who are more bothered about the caste rather than their children's happiness.

    But ofcourse as u said, the western culture has creeped into our society, and i feel if we bring up our kids teaching them the values , and moulding them in a proper way, we can definitely bring a change to the society. The parents , school and teachers play a major role here .

    It was a pleasure reading your blog, hope u have mistaken me for my commments. Just wanted to post my opinion on this.
     
  10. rvnachar

    rvnachar Silver IL'ite

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    Dear friends,

    Thank you so much for all the appreciative comments and also a few criticisms. I definitely do not feel bad to receive criticisms. Thank you for nominating my blog for the award too!

    Writing is such a fulfilling experience of sharing our views with like-minded persons and IL has been encouraging so many writers like me. Thank you IL.
     

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