Love marriage Vs Arranged marriage?

Well, it can also be seen in another light here.

In love marriages, you are meeting, hanging out with the person with no initial intention of marriage, so isnt it so that they will act their real selves with each other? For example, in the case of a young, Indian, single, woman - Is it not more likely that she is more comfortable, at ease and more "herself" than she is when she is asked to spend half an hour with a man who has come specifically with the intention of marrying her and who she is asked to view as a prospective husband?

A man might tell the truth to his colleague that "Heck, I hate pizzas" while when he is meeting his prospective bride and she suggests meeting at a pizza place and asks if that's OK he might go along and "Ya sure, I love pizza!"

bonk

 

My vote is for arranged marriage.
Even marryin within the same communtiy has a lot of differences.
May b if u r stayin away from relations other than ur spouse lov marriae is ok.

 

well loads of discussion already has happened and loads of ppl have already expressed my views..........

one thing i have always felt and said often to friends is that love or arranged..... after all at the base its marriage...and whatever the route taken... it has to further ahead go through the same path... marriage.... which has its ups n downs..... like life, its never smooth.......

mine is a love marriage and an inter-caste.... definitely had goen through struggle...... but what i faced was not a struggle more from my family or relatives (which rather turned out to be easier than i had expected) but between us - me n my DH........ trust me before we got married we had divorced each other several times...... but our love kept us together.....and finally we were married.... just a month back.... but i know that it certainly is not bed of roses..... it never has been..... and i knew that beforehand...... unlike some others who eventually faced it.....

Between relationships there would always be hurdles..... various types they could be..... at different point of time we might face them...... but they are bound to be there..... u would hardly encounter ne couple who have not faced their set of problems...... so thats marriage.... love or arranged whatever it may be....

coming solely to love vs. arranged....... it can have its own pros n cons...... and they might not always be fit for every case..... i.e. to say they might differ for each person...... as was pointed out by one of the members..... that it is better to be with known devil than be with unkown angel..... but yes if the love is at an immature age then there are bound to be full of fantasy and dreams which will be hit post marraige when all realities will b thrown in face...... but often one major advantage of love marriage is you know the person in advance,- though whole life is short to know one person completely..... but yes to some extent, you know him/her unlike in arranged marraige the person is totally a stranger......

arranged marriages also do have their share of charm...... to know a person who suddenly is the most important person in your life......and the inital phases to try n know about each other can be a lot of fun.... which one would miss in love marriage i guess..... yes often you have less expectations in arranged marriage though it really depends on a person u r..... cos we often have expectations from marriage...... no matter we attach them to a real person or not...... so that depends......

so ppl...... its marriage after all..... and its not all smooth n fun...... both love n arranged!!!!

 

Hats Off Shanti!

That's A Very Nice One! I loved every bit of your say!

You've done a great job by clearing off the minds of people like me about Love marriages

 

any marriage will sustain as long as
1. there is good sex
2. money was flowing

 

Love or Arranged? Marriage is successful only when we find the right person. We can adjust and make it work as much as we can but even with 100% effort, you cannot clap with out the other hand.
I married a man and it was arranged. He still did every kind of abuse and applied for divorce now.
Before our marriage, he was married to another girl and that was a love marriage, without either family approval. He still did every kind of abuse to her and divorced her.
So, tell me know which marriage is better now? Our lives would have been better if guys like him decide not to marry at all.

 

I think any marriage is a compatibility issue. If the couple don't have similar expectations from life, then it will be bad. One thing that is common to all of them - the man expects the woman to be strong enough to be independent IF NEED be, but then remain subdued when it comes to both of them. No man likes it if the woman dominates and lives life on her own terms. However the reverse is not necessarily true, there is no sympathy for a woman if the husband does whatever he wants to do, sometimes at the cost of hurting her or her family. For example, talking badly to her or her parents, but never taking any criticism directed towards his parents/relatives/friends - unless he thinks that she is worth tolerating or he himself has some grouse towards them. Too much domination from either side brings in discontentment, again it depends on what "domination" means to each of them....I guess their childhood and family backgrounds play a considerable role in this, in addition to their professional backgrounds. If the couple don't have any common grounds and neither of them make any effort to reach the same, then it is very difficult for the relationship to thrive.

 

This topic has been beaten to death in many Indian circles. How about we all adopt the "live and let live philosophy"

Compatibility and your values are what determines your choices.

It depends on the individual. As much as I respect the tradition and see the positives of arranged marriage. I decided that it is not for me. For one, as a liberal-minded and secular woman who isn't particularly religious, it was hard to find a compatible man. I wasn't used to having nosy, intrusive relatives and neighbors. Or people assuming I'm immoral because I don't

My relatives in India tried to set me up and I didn't like who they set me up with. I grew up in America and my mindset was different. So it made it tougher. What I wanted in a partner was not what my relatives wanted or thought was a priority in a marriage. I got tired of being pressurized to move the relationship faster.

I ended up meeting one Indian man who was likeminded but we were better as friends than marriage partners. I still consider him as a friend and like a brother. He's now in a relationship and I'm happy for him. We're still friends.

I prefer dating and mutually agreeing to marry. I dated and found it easier to relate to Western men and their families. I don't see anything wrong with flirtation, affection, and sex before marriage. I'm now happily married to a biracial white-hispanic American man. We have a son and going for another child.

 

Congratulations on your second baby. Nice write up.

 

I had inter-caste love marriage, both have positives and negatives. However, If I am given a chance, I would try NOT to fall in love (lol not that it is in our hands but still...) I was 24, so not immature when I met my DH. we both were 24. Lot of factors play in.

you as a girl are from stable healthy family, with good career and good family ethics, you are more likely to get a decent nice proposal in arranged marriage... if you belong to a family where there is less education, there are some "societal" negatives (like stigmatized family background), you are less likely to get a decent proposal....sometimes, as a lottery things work out in least expected situations....

There are a lot of low middle class girls, whose parents are not close enough, they dont care much about thier daughter's marriage partner, they just want to marry her off to anyone, and expect their daughter to get along..in those situations, it is better for the girl to find a partner at her workplace/friend circle with whom she can get along better....in arranged marriages, there is more chance of girl being dominated by in laws /husband if the girl belongs to a family whose parents are not strong enough..or there is no strong family backing......

By love marriage, it would be safe if the girl is mentally mature (maybe above 22), should be working and independent, has her life priorities set put, KNOWS what kind of partner will be good for her...then love marriage is better.. the con is after love marriage, the ILs may not accept her..throughout the whole life as a family her ILs may play mean games which may harm her family peace with DH...however I see that this happens always in arranged marriages also..but acceptance may be better because its the parents who chose the girl...the groom is in better position in that case because he has no burden on his shoulders if his wife and parents dont get along and he can easily say you chose it for me...in love marriages, a guy's integrity is important for girl because he may be under pressure that I chose this girl and now this girl has to live upto my parents expectations because I had to fight tooth and nail with my parents to accept her....


so all in all , for a girl, she needs to be v careful that the boy has integrity, is mentally strong and really really loves her, understands her and they both are emotionally connected. physical attraction diminished after few years of marriage..but emotional attachment makes strong foundation.....so give lot of time for deciding the guy.....

I chose the right guy for myself..but I am suffering from ILs behaviour, I will always be outsider ever in DH family.....my kids will be outsiders as well....no shaguns or gifts will be given..... no societal pressure will be there to ILs to behave well to the girl because the girl is going to be from another community which they dont accept....my dad spent on my marriage more than he could.... more than my DH family ever had seen in their entire generations.....but I got no respect, no token gifts from my ILs, only cold treatments..

for my co-sister, her dad was strong enough to argue over things in the marriage, he married her off in a local temple with minimum expenditure...gave nothing to ILs, still ILs spent a lot from their pocket to give her gifts etc..because if they dont , they will be shamed in their community....so my cosister family is strong and within same caste, she is riding high and a queen in my DH family in terms of getting anything she wants..despite she also staying separately from ILs as she doesnt get along with them....