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Love is blind??

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Superwoman, Feb 20, 2013.

  1. Superwoman

    Superwoman Gold IL'ite

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    Do you agree with the popular saying “Love is Blind"? Is that associated with purity of love?

    This question triggered when we are searching for a groom for my sister, we have some expectations like same caste and community, well educated and good earning, horoscope matching, decent looks etc etc

    Mine is a inter-caste love marriage. I would say my love is “partially blind”, yes because when I proposed him I know where he works, his mother tongue and family, religion, not intentionally but I knew that because we were friends for more than a year before. We were in love for more than five years, when I decided to tell about my love to my parents, only then I asked about his caste, community, salary etc… till then we never bothered about anything expect LOVE. Finally our horoscope did not match, he got some dhosha which will kill me in a year if we get married. Finally my parents accepted just for me. And I am aliveHarhar even after 3 years of marriage and very happy with few:rant

    If people are happy without all these big lists, why we go behind that?

    But will I choose him, if it was arranged? I don’t think so. :hide:

    And why people say if love looks for money or religion or …. It’s not pure. But in arranged marriages it is essential? Why is that?

    I have an another question too ... Does all the above Q make sense??:confused2:

    Shanva
     
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  2. racr

    racr Platinum IL'ite

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    Sai Ram Superwoman,:hiya
    Well,to answer your last question first- Yes,your questions do make sense. Do I know the right answer,not having been in the 'love' marriage situation,not sure! Well,I will answer anyway!

    I'm not sure if 'love is blind',but it does seem to act like those blinders,which makes the person in love see the loved one alone,or with single-minded clarity,and the others things associated with him-where he comes from ,blah blah are not in the direct view at all.Ateast not in the beginning!

    For others,fortunate or otherwise,those who have not found love on their own or choose not to - the task to find a 'suitable' spouse falls on the parents/elders(read 'suitable' according to them). As they are not in love with the prospective spouse:),they do tend to see the whole picture.It would seem too much to expect that the guy and girl(more so for the girl) has to adjust and adapt to totally different conditions and way of life,apart from being expected to do the same with a stranger as well. It would have been very difficult for me to do so. Horoscopes matching,grey area for me as well!

    Just my 2 cents..lets see what the other ILs have to say!
     
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  3. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Good questions, Superwoman. Everyone in my family has/had a love marriage; everyone in my husband's family (with a few exceptions, him included) has/had an arranged marriage.

    Here's my (rather simplistic) take on this whole issue. I don't think any two people in the history of the world have been perfectly compatible. In any romantic relationship, there are bound to be hurdles, obstacles, and conflict. As such, it seems to me that in a love marriage, people try to make the marriage work because they're in love, while in an arranged marriage, people try to fall in love because they're married. There are no guarantees either way.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with either system, as long as the hearts involved are pure (that is, not motivated by greed, conceit, selfishness, or other malicious or superficial reasons). In either scenario, it is not wise to enter into a long-term relationship with blinkers on. So, I'm not a big believer in this whole "love is blind" theory. I think you can love someone, and still realize they are toxic for you, and decide to walk away from the relationship (still in love, but letting the head overrule the heart for self-preservation). It's better to be realistic about whether a relationship can work, instead of throwing everything away for love.

    This is especially true for women, who still tend to be the dis-empowered party in relationships. When things go south, it is difficult for men AND women to bounce back, but as a woman, I think I've always felt like I've had to protect myself and my interests just a little more than a man would have to, simply because I would have more to lose (in the case of an unplanned pregnancy, or having to be a single mother, for example).

    So, it's all well and good to go all gooey-eyed and become a quivering lump of useless jelly when it comes to your sweetheart, but a little common sense and self-restraint goes a long way, too ;)
     
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  4. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    The truth superwoman, I could not help but feel is love is needed in either of the cases! It is just a matter of which one leads to which meaning love leading to marriage and continuing with the feeling or marriage leading to love and continuing to stay there! And when that is understood by both the parties involved, it is kind of important to become slightly blind to the other spouse (mostly to the defects as we perceive them if I may say so) to have a healthy happy relationship for many years.

    That is a very honest answer! It is the same thing, you would have looked at other criteria that could help you feel comfortable with the person to begin your life with and know that love will some how find it's way in! And I believe the same answer applies to this question as well.

    I may be wrong, but like you I have just chosen to share my thoughts!
     
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  5. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    Interesting, Superwoman :)

    Love is ALWAYS partially or selectively blind in my opinion. Be it an arranged or a love marriage. There are certain qualities that you like in a person and you get ready to face life together because at that stage in your life you REALLY think that you have ALL that you will ever need, in that person.
    When euphoria settles down and practical life takes over you may realise that you actually need much more .Again, at this stage you turn blind to characteristics in him that irritate you and love him for what he is. Love is acceptance always.:)))
     
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  6. Superwoman

    Superwoman Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, Love may make people act/feel self-centered, they just forget themselves in love, it makes them selectively blind, they are not much bothered about family, friends, they get vision only after the marriage. Matured people understand the reality and handle it so well… Love marriage will be success/happy only when they know each other true nature or character before marriage, even though money and other things play an important role in life, if the understanding between the couple is strong I think they can overcome all those hurdles, same applies to arrange marriage as well.

    But arranged marriages are other way around, we cannot know actual character or nature of a person, so we tend to analyze other factors family background, horoscopes, habits… with that we come to a conclusion.
     
  7. Superwoman

    Superwoman Gold IL'ite

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    Well said anusuya!! In love marriage people really try hard to make it work for two reasons, their own decision, and they don’t want to feel defeated before society. As you said, it will be better if they choose to look life with both head and heart when they are in love phase itself. Since after it is going to involve not only them, but their kids if any and family etc… And for women especially this blind love may not work out … and every individual has their own choice of life, so I feel there is nothing wrong in look for all characteristics in choosing a life partner, instead of making life miserable after marriage, it is better look upon all factors – does that make love impure? Nope
     
  8. Superwoman

    Superwoman Gold IL'ite

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    You are not wrong srama.. It is always good, when we overlook some negatives of our life partner, whether it is love or arranged. After all we do that with our friends, neighbors, family, why not spouse?? when those kind of adjustments and understandings come from both side, that will lead to happy and long relationship.
     
  9. Superwoman

    Superwoman Gold IL'ite

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    :thumbsup so true Mindian... well said.:) Love is acceptance!!!
     
  10. getstrngth

    getstrngth Gold IL'ite

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    Be in love or arranged marriage, it is always with surprises. My cousins all had love marriage. My sis had an arranged marriage. I've heard all their stories its all the same. In love marriage you try to compare before and after wedding. In arranged marriage you just accept that his character is this. I feel during love its just a honeymoon face, once the marriage is over things try to come to normal. More like Alaipayuthey (Saathiya) movie.

    My close friend is having a love marriage. She was in love close to 6 1/2 yrs. Now she is telling me that its just a ritual as she has been with him right from college last year to same office. They have not gone for a single movie or shopping mall alone. Both set of parents feel that its not good (even though they know from start). Even after engagement they are not allowed to hang around too much. My friend is like no matter love or arranged, family pokes in their nose. As long as the main switch(husband) is understanding things are good for you.
     

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