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Lost in the ups n downs ...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by FLYHIGH83, Jan 2, 2012.

  1. FLYHIGH83

    FLYHIGH83 New IL'ite

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    I dont know if anybody is intrested in my story here or not but i m just writing to make myself relaxed..
    i am a single child , always pampered by parents , one day i come to know that i am an adopted child , bti was too young to get into an emotional setback so i recovered fast and loved my parents as i used to before this thing was revealed.
    i was always a shy and quiet kind of girl never fighting , never cribbing for anything ...
    got engaged at the age of 18 , wheni was in the 1st yr of my college . left college and entered into marriage at 19.. dealing with the maried life , in -laws and house hold responsibilities came hard on me ..my husband is very gud but he wants to keep everyone happy and in that i m th elast one on his list ..so after my marriage my happiness was the last thing talked about in the house...
    too many adjustments were made by me , mostly for my husband's happiness and some for the peace in the house. i was blessed with two sons by the age of 23..things started to ruin as time passed ..i became more frustrated n irritated in that golden cage... at 23 just stuck in d house cooking , n taking care of kids and tolerating the tantrums of in laws... when things took a devastating turn ( my hubby started abusing me for every single thing happening in the house ) i quit.
    i came to my mother's place .. (3 yrs back)
    tried a lot to turn things back but wid no positive results.. my family tried to talk..my relatives tried to talk..i went back twice and tried to adjust again but back to square one ...more fights ,.more abuses...more silence between me n my hubby..
    finally last yr jan i came back and filled for a divorce ...
    now i started working for the first tiime in my life and by god's grace got a decent salary job and gud post in a company..
    there i saw the world ..men , women ... tricks and traps ...jealousy among peope... etc etc ... tried a hell lot of times to quit but gathered courage and worked through all that and came out stonger than ever...ryt now working as the admin manager in a mnc..quite a respectable post ..
    in this yr came accorss one of my old friend and just let go my past on him thinking he is a friend n will understand ..he understood but on ly this.. that i am a divorcee and need physical..dats it .. soon i got rid of him but yes it was again a setback ..

    now i just dont know wat to do.. i really thank god that i m into a job else i would be just crying n drinking my life out in depression ..
    i talked to my husband again , to see if has any emotion left for me before we finally get divorced in coming march..
    but he is no m ore intrested ..
    i dnt want to become a negative person...
    after these two episodes of my husband and that friend ...i am irritated with every man on this planet and that hatred is increasing day by day and sometimes comes out on my juniors and collegues..i am not like this..my company was always loved by people..people liked me and now i feel people talk bad about me ..lke frustrated woman n bla bla..
    i try to divert my mind in reading novels n listening music ..but it ain't helping ..i dnt want to be in depression n go for drinking n smoking habbits...
    i dnt know wat help i m asking for from you people out there ..but if u can suggest anything which will stop my transformation from a gud lively girl to a frustrated woman ..plss do suggest ..thanks
     
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  2. meja

    meja Gold IL'ite

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    You've been through a lot of things really and I admire your courage for getting through these trials in life. I think you have to be more positive in life and think that there are many people who is in worse condition and whose sufferings are endless. But you I believe is stronger and braver now considering what you've been through, you should be tougher now that nothing can let you down. You have the mind and intelligence to think and act accordingly. There's no point of being frustated and hating men rather you avoid them if you feel it's not yet time for you to entertain men. Treat yourself with respect and love and be happy.
    Take some time off maybe, get a short vacation with your kids and family somewhere you can relax and enjoy or get some hobby classes.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2012
  3. indus2

    indus2 Senior IL'ite

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    I have a one word solution for you - MEDITATION ! Dont blame yourself for each and everything that happens in your life. Read something spiritual, follow a path towards meditation either through someone's teachings or by reading books. Have faith in one guiding source and meditate - you will become calm and stress free.
     
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  4. FLYHIGH83

    FLYHIGH83 New IL'ite

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    thank u dear..i tried to meditate and read spiritual books also but they make me feel as if i m purposely trying to forget my past and that creats more disturbance in my mind ..but i ll surely work on it ..
     
  5. FLYHIGH83

    FLYHIGH83 New IL'ite

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    hmmm... i am just having a hard time forgetting that life ... but i will soon.. thanks for d support..
     
  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    When you make it a task, it shall remind you of a doctor's prescription to get over an ailment. .you have to fall for it and accept the scriptures to move over.
    There are so many things like taking care of animals/ old / kids/ gardening / terminally ill. You may have sufficient money to be supported and drink and die .. but then if you invest the same money into the betterment of underprivileged, their blessings shall be sufficient to make this and next life better.

    If you belong to the school of thought that none of the above can be fruitful apart from a partner in life.. given that after so much of torture you went back checking with your husband if things can work... you shall end up running into a guy not worthy enuff.. when you change your focus and bring hapiness in lives of related as well as non-related people.. happiness flows in.
     
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  7. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    When you are trying to heal, try doing the things you enjoy. Activities like yoga and meditation will help you only if you enjoy doing them. If you feel them as a chore, then it is time you stop it and start looking at other options. Make a list of things you enjoy. Driving, reading, spending times with friends, paintball war.. anything which interests you. Take up that activity in your free time and chill out. You will feel much better.

    Also, let go of the past. You cannot change it. Look forward to your future.
     
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  8. FLYHIGH83

    FLYHIGH83 New IL'ite

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    ya ryt .. i have to change my focus...i will try it
    thanks
     
  9. FLYHIGH83

    FLYHIGH83 New IL'ite

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    i want to create a lively and happy future... i m trying for that ..but i just loose myself sometimes.. and start cribbing about my past and why me ??? and all...
    but it ain't help in anything ....
    u people r ryt... its been arund 3 yrs .. i should forget him .. forget wat happened.. and focus on my happiness and the happiness i cn bring to others..
     
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  10. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    You are not a machine to do what you are programmed for. Sometimes we cannot help but think about the past. Dont beat yourself over that... But when such thoughts are overwhelming you, it is time to shake yourself out of them.
     

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