Losing My Mind Because Of Job...

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by sanjuruby3, Mar 2, 2017.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I lost my job about year ago and after that I was actively looking. I got 1 - 2 offers but that did not work out for various reasons. I joined one position but because of commute, I had to quit. I did lose lot of time there. Then at one place, I almost got in but they wanted to wait till new year over. They wanted me to wait a month or so. I was at the top of my depression during that time that I could not wait and went to India. I had put on lot of weight and inspite of going to gym and trying many hobbies, I felt my head was exploding giving interviews and I was able to see my close friends who were my junior at one point in life and I had interviewed them, thus less experienced, had 100% faked and got into similar positions that I applied and got in with big hikes.

    I on the other side, being mom spent extra on child care and prepared for additional skills was not getting jobs near my place. This all started exploding me. Inspite of my husband stopping me and wanting me to wait on closure for this job, I left for India. I had great time there. Now I am back and back to this life of tensions again.
    Its been almost 1 year and I do not know what to do with my career now.
    I was close to some jobs but distance to job stopped me to pursue that time. I feel like I have lost everything with job. I am huge now even though I had child care all the time.
    Please advise.
     
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  2. Cantdecide

    Cantdecide Silver IL'ite

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    What are you looking for in a job? How far are you willing to commute / drive to your job? It's unrealistic to expect to find something that is perfectly convenient to you especially if you are just getting back into the work force and your resume has a lot of gaps in it. What field do you work in? Do you want to find something else? Or do you not want to work alltogether?
     
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  3. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    I know I was not expecting 100% matching and company in my building that I can walk over. I am willing to commute considerably. Last job that I left had too much commute.

    I need some career counseling at this point. With toddler at home, its very difficult to even think about anything. I can not afford nanny back morever she needs to go out now, so I am looking for schools in the area for few hours. Then also I need to think about what I need to learn back. I am tired of becoming dispensable skill now But i do not know what to do els.I used to work in IT/Software.
     
  4. sonal1611

    sonal1611 Gold IL'ite

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    Take a break from your thoughts ...

    its really required at times..

    You will get job.. Dont worry .. Till learn something new.. .. Enjoy ur time with your baby ..

    u mentioned.. U gained weight .. Go for blood test / medical checkup... i mean do what ever U feel are pending for so long ( Other that looking for job )
     
  5. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks Sonal
    It s been almost year I have been looking. In between I started a job and left it which caused big gap and broke me. I had to leave it as it was not at all working for me and commute was killing all my body. Then there was total slow down at the end of year. I lost my morale and left for India. Now job market might have picked up but I have lost touch and confidence and willingness. I have gained nothing other than weight in the all these months and with my kid I do not find any time to do anything.
    In IT, it is very difficult to connect back to job market as you might know. I do not know what else can I do
     
  6. Sc222

    Sc222 Junior IL'ite

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    You mention you know IT/Software. Do you know any coding or can you learn? There are some great free websites, even youtube, that will teach you coding skills. You may want to look for a remote job, online jobs, freelancer jobs. You sound like you need a flexible schedule and your own needs met. I am too learning about freelancing and remote jobs. I also have a toddler. However, I do work here in US. It is hard even so at work. I have a great job but after a while US jobs become very monotonous and 95% of the people I can't relate to at work parties because they would never know what I am talking about if I mention any of my interests such as cooking Indian food or reading Indian scriptures, Indian dances, so on. I can't relate to them. But I have learned to fake my way in most of these 'american' small talk conversations.

    Our India is rich and full of culture and life and it is easy to be happy there and feel we are living our true selves there amongst our people and history. But my hubby will not go back due to the other issues in India and sounds like yours won't either at least for the time being.

    Look into freelancer and remote jobs. Look into www.flexjobs.com and such sites. They are credible sites. You can't continue on like this or else you won't be there for your child either! Take care of yourself. You may find it is easier to create your own business online using skills you already have in IT/software.

    PM me if you ever need to chat. I also need someone to talk to about issues such as this. I find most Indians around me never admit they miss India out of shame or fear. It's so sad.
     
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  7. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Sc222
    I am into programming and aleady have good experience in my resume. I did get some jobs in the beginning but nothing worked out. Now probably its too late and I feel tired too.
    After long stay in India, I do not want to stay in the boring life a bit. In India I never felt need of taking kid to museum, libraries so she be able to see some faces and I be able to speak some words. I am not got at making friends plus so many years in programming/IT jobs mainly behind the desk job, and always rushing to produce/compete, I lost all my people skills. I go to places but just can not see how to mingle.

    Its mainly loneliness here that kills.
     
  8. TelugAbbayi

    TelugAbbayi New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    You can try to upgrade or revise your skills on Udemy.com which is a great site for online learning using videos courses. Their courses go on sale every month for $10 to $15 each and they are all pay-once and use for your lifetime. Even some courses that actually cost $200 or $300 also go on sale for $10 or $15 every month - just watch out for sales. When you purchase a course, purchase on their website so if you need a refund or switch to another course it is possible but not possible if you purchase through their app in which case money goes to Apple/Google and licensing is different. After you purchase courses on their site, you can access your purchased courses on their website or using their app. Using their app, you can also download course chapters for offline learning and delete them later.

    Upgrading and revising your skills will prepare you and equip you with confidence to hit the job without issues. Further, Udemy has thousands of courses on any subject - including public speaking, sales, marketing, IT, Interview Questions, music - you name it. I suggest that you get a few courses in your choice of IT, Interview Questions, English and also Public Speaking and see how much it changes your life and your confidence level. No one asks you to show your certificates in the USA (but they DO need good skills) and so, doing a course on Udemy or even YouTube should be good enough for you. It is all about being REALLY GOOD at what you do and be the GO-TO expert anywhere you work!

    Also, spoken English is very important to be able to communicate and be liked by others. You need to improve. People who are too lazy to improve end up with low profile jobs or jobs that do not pay well. YouTube has courses scattered all over the place and it results in a lot of wasted time. Udemy is more focussed with high-quality content and all course material is in one place and saves you a lot of time.

    Confidence comes from preparation/training and knowledge in subject matter - not from brooding over the past events. No one cares about what happened in your past so why should you? It does not count how many times you fall down - its how many times you got up and bounced back. If you are browsing Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, etc a lot, STOP it - it is making you feel even more MISERABLE because you are watching what wonderful life others are having that you don't have. Just move on...

    If you cannot stand the casual and friendly workplace atmosphere in the USA, you CANNOT stand the dirty politics, ego, favoritism, micro-management and other unhealthy issues at companies in India. It is more about prestige and ego in Indian companies. My friend's friend in India committed suicide out of prestige issue this year just because he got fired over ego issues. How crazy and ridiculous is that!! How is losing a job the end of the world? Why couldn't he just find another job?? He did not even think about the fate of his wife or his newborn child. I have seen real people who were miserable and could not succeed or work for just a few months in India but are highly successful in the USA with very stable jobs and they never want to visit India even casually for a day. Life is what you make of it. USA is a great place of opportunities to live, learn, work and raise children. Consider yourself fortunate to be in this country! People dream to land in this country for a reason.

    Life is all about marketing and sales - be it school, career, marriage - its all about how you market and sell yourself. A sales person NEVER gives up until it is a definite NO from the client (until they say, "We are not going to buy your product for X reason"). There are success stories of sales people who keep calling and emailing clients for 8 months without any response but in the 9th month, an order was placed by the client!! The key is "do not give up too early" and do not take rejections/failures personally. Ask any sales person and they will tell you - every No is actually a "Yes" - it only means they need more info to justify their decision. A "No" is actually better than no response at all. Come up with a list of possible objections (questions) and your rebuttals (answers). Search Google for interview questions on your subject (eg: java interview questions) and you will be surprised how much info is available out there for free. Just because one client was wrong and did not choose you, it does not mean a thousand other clients would make the same mistake. Just keep applying UNTIL it happens...

    Getting a client interview is difficult - when you get one, prepare yourself, take the interview seriously, go all the way and crush it!

    What Are Some Salary Negotiation Techniques?
    What Does It Take To Find Jobs Online?
    Communication Skills & Modes

    As for job searching, if you are too tied up with your kid, you may try freelance sites such as https://www.upwork.com and if you are ready for real work, try job boards like https://www.jobmatic.com

    Hope this helps...
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2017
  9. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Wonderful post @TelguAbbayi..you must be a writer somewhere. If not, consider writing or motivational speeches.

    Btw, a job came my way on its own. As I said, I have lengthy resume so somehow I was not even looking and busy within myself, this rolled in. So lets see how it goes. This has definitely brought my confidence back and willingness to learn.
     
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