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Losing It Completely .

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shreema86, Oct 10, 2017.

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Oct 6, 2018 #81

SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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Shreema, I am so proud of you !
Having read your previous posts this post makes me very happy. I am glad to read about a confident happier you. Celebrate your freedom and Live life to the fullest !

Shreema86 said: ↑

Just realized this thread is nearly a year old. When I posted on this thread last year,I was in a deep dark place. I was starting to feel like a person carrying out a life sentence . It was a desperate call for help and I am deeply thankful to all of you who responded back. When I look back to how complete strangers in the virtual world take time to reach out I can't help but be moved.
Anyways this past year has been life changing. I gathered up the courage and decided to end this marriage . Its the hardest thing I have had to do. One one hand lied the freedom of living a life thats entirely true to me and on the other and I had all these zillion insecurities - will I manage on my own, can I deal with all the emotional chaos and backlash etc.. But these fears and insecurities had kept me back too long and the urge to break free became more stronger .
After I finally decided to come out of this, the next step was to practically implement it. I have an amazing circle of friends and I leaned on to them for emotional and moral support. ( I can't emphasize how important that was, no one can do it all on their own). Also virtual friends who had taken a similar path before ( @liya1984 and @madras2018 ) were such a great support . I searched for a place to stay and found a really good one. I told ex of my decision and we decided to part ways amicably and hence not create any drama involving families .

Obviously there was some drama subsequently and there is still some going on, but for the most part, once I left and stayed on my own, it has been smooth sailing and getting better by each day. Our case is under legal process and very soon we will be legally separated as well. I wake up each day, so grateful for being given a second chance in life. My life is full of possibilities now and I get to choose how I want it to be. I laugh more than I ever did, I find joy in living . Eventually I know I will find all the things that I missed out - true love and a healthy relationship . But for now , My life is filled with a lot of love in the form of my circle of friends, my work, etc..

I also realize how blessed I was that I had the resources ( financial and emotional) to come out of an unhappy relationship. I was also lucky that I stay in a more progressive city where no one judges you by your relationship status. Someday I want to help women who are in a similar situation but are not as lucky . Our society is steeped in hypocrisy and most of it is directed to make women feel helpless and out of control of their lives. Even with all the so called progressive education I received , it took me a long long time to leave a dysfunctional relationship. Because of social conditioning /brain washing and generally a lack of belief in myself .

One last thing I need to mention. Having faith is so essential. Even at the worst when I dint see any way forward ,
somewhere deep down I trusted the universe/god/ higher power, what ever that is. It all comes down to his/her timing. I truly believe if we have faith, the universe gives us exactly what we want.

Thanks again to everyone.
Click to expand...

SinghManisha, Oct 6, 2018

SinghManisha, Oct 6, 2018

#81

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Oct 7, 2018 #82

DDream Finest Post Winner

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Brave decision. I can visualize a happy and relaxed soul now. May all your dreams comes true. Wishing you all the best.

If you dont mind, can you share a few things. I think it will be useful. Did you reveal the real reason to your parents and PIls. How did they react,also ex. In most cases, parents really want to support, but their lack of courage to face the world make them react negatively to decisions like this. Great to know that you have supporting friends and environment to handle this situation better. I am sure best things in life are waiting for you. Be optimistic. Good luck

DDream, Oct 7, 2018

DDream, Oct 7, 2018

#82
Oct 7, 2018 #83

Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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Shreema86 said: ↑

......One last thing I need to mention. Having faith is so essential. Even at the worst when I dint see any way forward ,
somewhere deep down I trusted the universe/god/ higher power, what ever that is. It all comes down to his/her timing. I truly believe if we have faith, the universe gives us exactly what we want..
Click to expand...

Congratulations for finding your way out. IMO, everything accrues to your own intelligence, good fortune to have a way out, and the will power to see yourself through the ordeal. Not any other unknown being's timing.

Unfortunately many girls endure hell and more, precisely because they believe some "universe/god/ higher power, what ever that is" has consigned them to suffer it, and they simply wait for "his/her timing" for a blessed release. Just my opinion.

Amulet, Oct 7, 2018

Amulet, Oct 7, 2018

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Oct 7, 2018 #84

Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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SinghManisha said: ↑

Shreema, I am so proud of you !
Having read your previous posts this post makes me very happy. I am glad to read about a confident happier you. Celebrate your freedom and Live life to the fullest !
Click to expand...

thanks dear....!

Shreema86, Oct 7, 2018

Shreema86, Oct 7, 2018

#84
Oct 7, 2018 #85

Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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Amulet said: ↑

Congratulations for finding your way out. IMO, everything accrues to your own intelligence, good fortune to have a way out, and the will power to see yourself through the ordeal. Not any other unknown being's timing.

Unfortunately many girls endure hell and more, precisely because they believe some "universe/god/ higher power, what ever that is" has consigned them to suffer it, and they simply wait for "his/her timing" for a blessed release. Just my opinion.
Click to expand...

Hi amulet,

No doubt we all need to rely on our own selves to get out of difficult situations , no one is coming to rescue anyone but having a little faith in something doesn't hurt !!

Shreema86, Oct 7, 2018

Shreema86, Oct 7, 2018

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Oct 7, 2018 #86

Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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DDream said: ↑

Brave decision. I can visualize a happy and relaxed soul now. May all your dreams comes true. Wishing you all the best.

If you dont mind, can you share a few things. I think it will be useful. Did you reveal the real reason to your parents and PIls. How did they react,also ex. In most cases, parents really want to support, but their lack of courage to face the world make them react negatively to decisions like this. Great to know that you have supporting friends and environment to handle this situation better. I am sure best things in life are waiting for you. Be optimistic. Good luck
Click to expand...

@DDream , shared with parents. They were deeply shocked but very surprisingly they thought there was no point in continuing this marriage and supported my decision. About dealing with society , its one step at a time. They haven't told anyone yet. I am sure its not going to be easy . But there is no way around that. Pils dont know the real reason, no contact with them anymore. Ex initially did some drama saying that he was completely normal and I should give another chance etc.. thankfully for one time in my life sense prevailed and I dint give into this emotional blackmail. he is moving on at a super fast rate now.. Thank you for the wishes.

Shreema86, Oct 7, 2018

Shreema86, Oct 7, 2018

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Oct 7, 2018 #87

Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Shreema86 said: ↑

One last thing I need to mention. Having faith is so essential. Even at the worst when I dint see any way forward ,
somewhere deep down I trusted the universe/god/ higher power, what ever that is. It all comes down to his/her timing. I truly believe if we have faith, the universe gives us exactly what we want.
Click to expand...

Yes, having that faith is essential. Need faith to make that leap of faith. And friends. Then, the timing happens.

I laugh more than I ever did
Click to expand...

Nice.

Rihana, Oct 7, 2018

Rihana, Oct 7, 2018

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Oct 7, 2018 #88

DDream Finest Post Winner

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Shreema86 said: ↑

@DDream , shared with parents. They were deeply shocked but very surprisingly they thought there was no point in continuing this marriage and supported my decision. About dealing with society , its one step at a time. They haven't told anyone yet. I am sure its not going to be easy . But there is no way around that. Pils dont know the real reason, no contact with them anymore. Ex initially did some drama saying that he was completely normal and I should give another chance etc.. thankfully for one time in my life sense prevailed and I dint give into this emotional blackmail. he is moving on at a super fast rate now.. Thank you for the wishes.
Click to expand...

That's a great information. I think most parents will support if they know the real reason.But most girls don't want their parents to feel sad and suffer alone ,or delay the decision and get stuck in bad marriage. Now anything else, society, pils..etc doesn't matter in your case. You have full support of parents and friends. Believe in yourself. Be confident. Enjoy life to the fullest. Something great is waiting for you. Good luck

DDream, Oct 7, 2018

DDream, Oct 7, 2018

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Oct 7, 2018 #89

Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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@Shreema86
All the best and all your wishes come true!......your story is so inspirational for others who are struggling in unhealthy married life.

Mistt, Oct 7, 2018

Mistt, Oct 7, 2018

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Oct 8, 2018 #90

silentlistener Silver IL'ite

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Shreema86 said: ↑

I also realize how blessed I was that I had the resources ( financial and emotional) to come out of an unhappy relationship. I was also lucky that I stay in a more progressive city where no one judges you by your relationship status. Someday I want to help women who are in a similar situation but are not as lucky .
.
Click to expand...

It's really nice to hear that you have taken all the development in a positive perspective... its not only positive but a realistic perspective also!

It's true that you are one of the luckiest few women who have a quality education ,financial Independence & life in a progressive city having the freedom to walk out of a dead relationship.

The country & the world is full of so many unlucky women ...( and some men too) , who are having no option to leave a dead relationship ( due to so many compulsions) but to continue a lifetime of misery due to a loveless and passionless married life.

May God bless you with more courage and self confidence to face the world ahead !

silentlistener, Oct 8, 2018

silentlistener, Oct 8, 2018

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