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Losing It Completely .

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shreema86, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    t
    thank you for your suggestions @BhumiBabe
     
  2. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    thank you ddream , at the moment I can only think of doing what you are suggesting , focussing on my career and financial independence.
     
  3. madras2018

    madras2018 Finest Post Winner

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    @Shreema86 every thing you have written seems like it has been taken from my personal diary of 2 yrs ago. Exact same situation. Overall unhappiness in life stemming primarily from a dysfunctional asexual unconsummated marriage. Messes with yr mind. I got out and the only regret i have is why i didnt exit sooner. And i live in india. I traded my life abroad in a messed up marriage to a more stable life in india where i am free to pursue whatever makes me happy including a suitable partner.

    Abt people and relatives - after i slowly disclosed reasons for my divorce, Believe it or not, everybody asked me why i even stuck arnd as long as i did.

    People including aunties and grandmas are chill and surprisingly understanding when it comes to serious sexual dysfunction.

    I bet even your dissatisfaction at a social and professional level are due to the lack of happiness in your primary relationship. As the saying goes - When something is right, nothing is needed. When it is wrong, nothing seems to help.

    Goodluck. Be brave. You wont regret it. But the longer you stay the more u will regret not leaving sooner.
     
    NeetaR, BhumiBabe, Shreema86 and 2 others like this.
  4. DDream

    DDream Gold IL'ite

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    OP, Don't waste you life, your happiness, your peace of mind for protecting someone who don't deserve it. The most important one in your life is YOU. No one else..

    Be strong, be brave
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2017
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  5. bulesha

    bulesha Silver IL'ite

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    “It is very simple to be happy but very difficult to be simple”. After reading OP ordeal, I think she is not happy just because DH is asexual otherwise he is caring, devoted, loyal etc. And those of the opinion that he has no choice to be like this. Firstly these qualities are inbuilt and even if he has no choice, then it is his realisation of the problem of being asexual. Now reverse the scenario, DH is romantic and gives you an öoh!!! every time but snoop around, doesn’t care, not devoted etc. Will you be happy???

    Yes, he is guilty of not letting you know about his incapability. Love, romance, intimacy are important part of married life and your expectations are for real. You must discussed with him in a cordial manner and if he doesn’t talk then talk about third party intervention. You can take him to sexologist. May be he is suffering from mental blocked of sexuality? I think you should give him that much of chance. And if that doesn’t solve it then you can make a choice .As far IL asking for your childlessness, please tell them that let the processes be get complete by your son or whatever.
     
  6. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Silver IL'ite

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    You are very wrong in your perspective OP, Sorry to say this in opening statement. Do you know what "the others" you are thinking are going through like in day-in, day-out, I dont think so anyone can share or show "everything" to third persons, never think that why only ME, many are going through their own troubles to get through their own circumstances.

    I can understand your situation, I can HEAR YOU, please step back and try to solve the problems instead of self pitting, which wont help you from the phase you are going through.

    Good luck.
     
  7. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    OP, how u would have reacted if your husband had some other problem like serious disease or financial problem. Would you try to run away from that or would you be by his side considering his caring nature.

    In future if you have any serious problems, should your husband be leaving you?
     
  8. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    @madras2018 , thank you , your story gives me a lot of hope...
     
  9. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Gold IL'ite

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    This is an interesting way of viewing her husband's sexuality issues. If OP had an emotional connection with her husband, I think any of these issues - sexual, medical or financial can be dealt with, with patience.
     
  10. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    This is a very ethical question and I have often thought about it.. I know quite a few close family/friends where one spouse became either bedridden, paralyzed etc.. turning the other spouse into a nurse and rendering the marriage dysfunctional on some levels.. Do I advocate that caregiving spouse to abandon their ill spouse , definitely no.. But will I judge them if they want to , again no. Because as they say an ants burden is for an ant and an elephants burden is for an elephant , so comparing a marriage that has become dysfunctional because of accidental circumstances to a marriage that is dysfunctional because of the attitude of one spouse is like comparing oranges to apples.
     
    Rihana, Ineedhelp1, NeetaR and 4 others like this.

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