I feel like I am going to lose it completely. My life is messed up on all fronts. It's like the saying when it rains it pours . Relationship with parents not great but cordial. I feel like they were never there for me emotionally ever. Entire life I felt especially my mother dint love me very deeply .doesnt even bother to call or message me . Says hurtful things always. Married life is dysfunctional. Husband is asexual and we have no compatibility emotionally,zero communication at times . But he is caring and loyal . Feel bad to leave him.Also his family and mine have very deep connection. Leaving him means I am going to be all alone. I will be just barely able to manage financially . But I have never stayed alone before , I don't have any support system and have job instability , so leaving him is nearly impossible. I feel trapped . Career, although I have invested a lot of time is suffering because of my lack of confidence and tendency to stress easily . Since I am in a creative field , I kind of have a creative block, really struggling to do well.. also I lack good social skills necessary . My colleagues seem to be constantly ahead of me and I can't seem to catch up. I went to India for a family functionand it has been a disaster . All happy families around , and I have nothing , absolutely zero. I get asked why I don't have children yet and it really gets to me. Have to pretend to be a happy couple with husband while inside I feel like a hypocrite. I feel like I won't be able to withstand another circus like this. I live in the pain of the loss of my dream to be part of a happy family and to create a happy family. Everyone around me , family and friends seem to be prospering in life and I am stuck in this deep rut. It has become so deep now that I feel physical pain in my chest sometimes. There are dark days when I feel how easy it would be to just kill myself to get Over all this , but my spiritual beliefs won't let me do this.. I don't know what to do anymore. Can't see any light ahead.