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Losing It Completely .

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shreema86, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    I feel like I am going to lose it completely. My life is messed up on all fronts. It's like the saying when it rains it pours .

    Relationship with parents not great but cordial. I feel like they were never there for me emotionally ever. Entire life I felt especially my mother dint love me very deeply .doesnt even bother to call or message me . Says hurtful things always.

    Married life is dysfunctional. Husband is asexual and we have no compatibility emotionally,zero communication at times . But he is caring and loyal . Feel bad to leave him.Also his family and mine have very deep connection. Leaving him means I am going to be all alone. I will be just barely able to manage financially . But I have never stayed alone before , I don't have any support system and have job instability , so leaving him is nearly impossible. I feel trapped .

    Career, although I have invested a lot of time is suffering because of my lack of confidence and tendency to stress easily . Since I am in a creative field , I kind of have a creative block, really struggling to do well.. also I lack good social skills necessary . My colleagues seem to be constantly ahead of me and I can't seem to catch up.


    I went to India for a family functionand it has been a disaster . All happy families around , and I have nothing , absolutely zero. I get asked why I don't have children yet and it really gets to me. Have to pretend to be a happy couple with husband while inside I feel like a hypocrite. I feel like I won't be able to withstand another circus like this.

    I live in the pain of the loss of my dream to be part of a happy family and to create a happy family. Everyone around me , family and friends seem to be prospering in life and I am stuck in this deep rut. It has become so deep now that I feel physical pain in my chest sometimes. There are dark days when I feel how easy it would be to just kill myself to get Over all this , but my spiritual beliefs won't let me do this..

    I don't know what to do anymore. Can't see any light ahead.
     
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  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Gold IL'ite

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    @Shreema86 - I am so sorry that you are going through a tough time. It is really tough to be lonely, even when you are surrounded by people.

    Are there anyone that you have connected to, emotionally? I would advise you to reach out to them. Whether you have a close dependable friend or not, I think you would benefit with meeting a counselor. Just to get your thoughts out. You might not have depression, but you definitely need a person to connect with and talk to. I know that you say that you are not socially comfortable, so having a counselor would allow you a safe place to de-stress. Are you living in the US? Many American companies have arrangements to help you find a counselor - for work stress, home, etc. I would advice you to dig a little bit for that.
     
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  3. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    How long have you been married? I am a little lost as to what the issue is. I understand you are feeling overwhelmed. From time to time, every relationship goes through this phase.
    What is it that is bothering you? You said something about him being asexual. Has it always been this way?
     
  4. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP, sorry you are going through this. You say that your Dh is asexual & there is no emotional compatibility, you have a deal breaker right there. What's loyal? If he is asexual, he is going to be loyal, isn't it?

    Ask yourself if you are doing a favor to yourself by sticking around in a relationship where the basics are missing and the long term seems to be a question mark (children? change in compatibility levels?communication?). Seems to me that the only reason you are in this is for financial security and family bond. But, is that enough for you forever?
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2017
  5. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with that, being married to someone who is asexual AND without emotional compatibility - seems like you are married to a roommate. That is definitely not what you want in a marriage and in your future.
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Gold IL'ite

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    OP, Your parents know about this ? What is the point in continuing in this marriage? What about your visa status. Can you continue here without dh support ( not talking about finance). What is your husbands take on this life and his inability to lead a normal family life.

    It is your life. You have to decide what you want. Sometimes, being strong is the only option left. You are stronger than you think.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2017
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  7. prestine

    prestine Silver IL'ite

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    Break this cage and fly high dear op. You can handle it all alone. You have one life to live, live it as much as you can. You deserve so much in this life. Step out of your comfort zone.

    Before you care about others, practice self care. You are suffering and attend your feelings.
     
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  8. ashneys

    ashneys Gold IL'ite

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    Am actually wondering about the connection between asexual and loyal. What did you mean by loyal ?

    N caring, like how a good friend would care for you ?

    After reading about all the family bond n your confusion about this relationship can imagine why you are feeling so trapped.

    Try marriage counselling but definitely go for
    good counselling sessions for yourself and you can use a break.

    Instead of thinking about divorce, which you anyway aren't ready for right now. I would suggest you to look for another job in another city away from your family n husband. Give the job as a reason to move to the new city and start new, rent a room or a house, start doing stuff on your own, travel alone, think of yourself as a college student and explore life.

    This period away from everyone can help you to clear your head, not feel trapped and realize what you really want in your life. Whether to change your husband, adjust to your husband or leave your husband. Take a decision then, as it's never a good idea anyway to take big life decisions when you are feeling so overwhelmed by so many factors in life.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2017
  9. liya1984

    liya1984 Bronze IL'ite

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    OP i am unable to send you a pm....
     
  10. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    I think you have accumulated everything into ur mind ... have u taken this to the next step in ur life like sorting out things by discussing with his family? Or to ur family. I know it is difficult. But u have to do something to ease urself first. Even I get depressed sometimes due to family issues but I talk a lot to ease myself on certain things. Can u do that first? I know it is difficult. But Pls do it. Asking about family planning is the worst experience woman faces. But the response "Iam not interested to have kid" makes ppl shut up and mind their own job.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2017

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