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long distance relationship with husband is OK for how long?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by jayavk, Feb 19, 2012.

  1. jayavk

    jayavk Senior IL'ite

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    hi all,
    My husband is working for a security firm. he got promoted as the general manger and had to leave Goa. Untill then we had a good family life the two of us our daughter and our dog but then he had to leave us. I left my teaching job so I could be 100% with our daughter. He said will see how it goes for a year now its going to be 2 years. He says Goa is the best place to settle down in terms of security and educational expense, hence we should not join him.
    He keeps visiting us once in two months for 4-5 days. the rest of the days we just talk over the phone only during night that too not for more than 30 minutes. our talks also land up being arguments about how long to continue this.
    I miss my regular family life. should I still insist on joining him or leaving his job. I dont know what to do. I dont even have any family support because of my love marriage.
    Please help.:drowning
     
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  2. Soumedh

    Soumedh Silver IL'ite

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    hi,
    How old is your daughter?Is your husband in India or abroad?
    RGDS
     
  3. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Rejoin your teaching job if possible, it will keep you busy. Maybe your DH is trying out the new job without uprooting the childs education.But its difficult to bring up a kid alone and also very lonely since you dont have family closeby.
    Do you expect anything fishy?
     
  4. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

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    If his job pays well, you should join him. You can also find a teaching job at the new place to support family finances. Why does he feel his place is less secure than Goa? Is he working in Afghanistan or some place like that?

    I think you deserve to be with your husband rather than a lonely life with dog and a child.
     
  5. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    We were in a some what similar situation and we asked a professional friend of ours for advice. This is what he said...

    "It's better for kids wellbeing to be with both (happy) parents together as a family even if means moving around than to live in the same location with parents living apart."

    We went with that advice and didn't have to regret it. So I suggest the same to you. Best wishes!
     
  6. poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    join your husband as soon as possible....no practical thinking,no emotional justifications...just go and join your husband!
     
  7. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Two years is a long enough time to try a job and a new city. If it has worked for him for so long, I'd also suggest, like the others did, that you join him there. I too believe that its important for children to grow up with both parents in the same house.

    Am curious too - how old is your daughter? Even if she is in a higher class now, shifting to a new place and a new school might not be such a big deal. With the current year coming to an end soon, you still have time to go to a new city and find a good place for her to start the next year in.
     
  8. renutn

    renutn Gold IL'ite

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    What is the reason of he not taking his family where he is. If you get this answer and it is genuine then you should look for job in Goa and concentrate on kids education.
    Sometimes sacrifices should be there for raising the family and kids.
    We have seen so many families mother and kids in India and husband working abroad. Go to Kerala you can find each and every family you will find one like that.
     
  9. jayavk

    jayavk Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you all,
    My daughter is 5 and will be in class 1 this academic year. My husband was posted in Delhi for a year and now he is in Mumbai fro almost 8 months. According to him even if we join him he wont be around that much as there are chances of him moving around the country. So its better if we stay in Goa where I have been since childhood, than a new place. I dont think there is anything fishy because even when he was with me he was a workaholic. so I guess its the same even now but I feel bad for my daughter. We dont even live in a colony where there are kids to play around so she feels even more lonely after school and feel burdened with keeping her occupied during holidays.
    I even thought to go for a second one but again I will have to go through it all alone. I do have some good friends but they are all working. so I still dont know what to do?
     
  10. Soumedh

    Soumedh Silver IL'ite

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    Your daughter is very young and need both parents.
    You need to discuss with your hubby that how long he wants to continue in the current job and what are his plans for family’s future.Al ready you have sacrificed nearly two years and managing all alone.
    Being in another metro he should try to meet you and daughter often say at least once a week. Also he should put a time frame on how long to continue to stay without each other.Eventhough he is workaholic staying together is much better,at least you get to see eachother on daily basis.
    RGDS
     

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