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Lonely Life

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Meghaa, Jan 30, 2017.

  1. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you for trying to help. But please , do not tell ANYone struggling with infertility , how many cycles to try. Or 'to adopt' or 'someone adopted and then had a child'. I know , I would not have understood all of this if I hadnt been through it. But please donot give suggestions for treatment or options.

    And relax , you will get pregnant doesnt help 'infertile' women , whose organs arent functioning like they are expected to
     
  2. Meet9

    Meet9 Silver IL'ite

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    So SORRY if I hurt your sentiments! after posting, I felt the same that its better not to "advise" someone who is struggling with it..when I was working in a very stressful job, I was also frustrated and was struggling with TTC plans, we wanted to try for baby but our home environment was not conducive, and to top it, I was seeing pregnant women all around me that used to make me more sensitive....and in those times, my horrible colleagues at work, used to keep pestering me with free advice, looking and scrutinizing me if I am already preggers or not....it was most painful times....I am sorry again to touch you in bad way...I wish you all the best for your wishes to come true....
     
  3. Meet9

    Meet9 Silver IL'ite

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    OP i re-read my post and reply to you, I feel I was just suggesting in "maybes" tone and was not "telling" you to do this or that....I did not use the word "relax" in my post..my suggestions were from years of experience and looking around people who have been there and done that...suggesting the number of IVF cycles was to give you an indication that artificial hormones are fireballs! I have seen some around me suffer due to it..this was to save you from hurt and physical diseases people around me suffered due to IVFs..granted its a great technology etc and help bring smiles to millions of women..I was just trying to give you the other side of the story..
    and I used the word "adoption" because your post mentioned you were OK with it....adoption is highly personal choice, and I used it very carefully when I saw you were ready to consider it....when I was trying for baby, my senior (4 yrs elder to me) who herself tried 2 IVFs, literally blasted me to be very serious for TTC/adoption/donor-egg consideration everything if I wanted to have a baby at all..she literally opened my eyes..to get serious about it....I didnt know a lot of things about adoption (like combined age thing and that CARA has a bit complicated process)....before me, many other PPs also gave suggestions on treatment like someone suggested ayurvedic herbs....based on those parameters, I formulated my reply...I hope you get what I am trying to say..

    take care and good luck!
     
  4. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    I am in a strange place right now - dont understand my feelings/actions myself.
    It seems like right now , I have almost made peace with it - as in I can think of my so-called-brother without ruining my entire day.
    My mom and I try not to even talk about him - because it only upsets both of us.
    He is visiting my parents now , son's tonsure/birthday et all.
    I have felt really bad about missing occasions - like 2nd cousin's wedding etc . Right now I dont feel that way - its a very good thing for my sanity ( and DH's peace :grinning:)
    But OTOH , I am still curious. I asked my Mom some details about his behaviour his wife's presence (or the lack of it) - I dont know why I am curious.:confundio1:
     
  5. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Megha,

    There are some similarities to my life. I have very few friends too and many relatives from my side, completely cut off. Can not take poking or taking others for granted.
    Anyways, I do not understand you and your brother's relationship but if you can make it work, that will be best for you, your future life. He is your only sibling and when parents are no more, he is only connection. You are buddies for life time. Sometimes, there is distances, grievances or mis understandings, clear them off if you can. Relations are easily broken but difficult to patch. Inspite of living in US ( or wherever outside india) having independent life financially stable, not talking to your real real brother is not good.
    Talk to him, back off where distances or problems arise, leave him alone where he does not want to be interfered.

    Other thing you mentioned infertility issues. Is it permanent? What is the plan? I do not want to pry on but telling you about myself. I had kid very late in my life and now it has changed me completely. Are you seeing doc or planning adoption?
     
  6. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi

    Can I suggest you to come India for IVF treatment??? I conceived after 6yrs of marriage, 3yrs of treatment , multiple iui failure, even miscarriages and finally 2nd IVF my son was born..

    My colleague went through more issues than me 8yrs of marriage, 5yrs of treatment , miscarriages, twins still birth at 8 months now mother of 7 months old twins...

    My sil did same she never shared her daughter's pics born 1.5yrs apart to her.. I used to crave to see her kids on Skype she never showed I used to buy tons of gift dress never showed single pic of them wearing it... Now my son is born she created such a fuss because mine is boy n she loves boy...

    Some people are really stupid don't care to hurt feelings of other.. Ignore your brother and co sister...

    Live life to fullest take tons of trips n breaks but don't give up treatment I have personally seen so many success cases trying from 8 to 10yrs and conceived even at 42... All the best..
     
  7. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you @sanjuruby3
    Here is a thread on and about my sibling : Estranged Sibling - How To Move On

    In short - I haven't given up on my only sibling lightly. I would do anything to have him in my life if it was upto me. Unfortunately , it takes 2 people. The only 2 options I have is to walk away for my dignity or keep putting myself out like I have for the last decade. I have reached the end of my patience and chose to walk away.

    I have made plans - and life has screwed them over and over again. So I am trying not to plan beyond the next step. Yes to both - aggressive treatments are ongoing. Thoughts of adoption are never far away either.


    @sumalynux
    Yes infertility treatments are on . They suck the life out of me in everyway..
    Went thru an IVF in India too . But cant stay there indefinitely , so the saga continues here.
    Last 3 years has been nothing but tears , hospitals , surgeries, pain, bleeding what not.. add in acupuncture , homeopathy as well. 5 IUIs, 4 IVFs... all I have to show for is a ton of bills $$$$

    I am happy that some people see light at the end of the tunnel - but the truth is not everyone does. Only the ones that do come out on the other side are talked about.

    I still dont know which way I am on - but it doesnt look very good right now
     
  8. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Some days I just tell myself to suffer through it and not even try to be ok.
    If life has a ton of suffering in store for me - why try to avoid it? Maybe it will be over sooner if I dont run?
     
    SunPa likes this.
  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Meghaa,
    When we are in pain or suffering or going through some struggle, we feel that we are alone, even when the whole world is with us. But when we pass through it, it became our past which we may even forgot. You only can judge your situation well.

    I think it is important to be positive or at least neutral in thinking right now. Try to avoid all those people or situations including your bro or relatives , that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy. Focus on your health and happiness.

    Continue to do all treatments the best way you can.As I said above, being relaxed and stress-free is equally important. Every morning if you can, try medicate for some time and tell your self that you will be strong and will continue to be positive through out the day and will neglect or move away from situations that make you unhappy.. everyday try to do something that bring some happiness to you, like listening to music or watching comedy or movies or just trying to dance...gardening...cooking or reading..whatever you like...and try to go to sleep with a relaxed mind..believe me these small things helped me during periods of severe stress in my life..I believe it help others too..

    Try to do whatever that makes you happy or divert your attention from the discomfort of the treatment you are going through. I think it is better to be in USA than in India as I feel the unnecessary questions and interventions can lead to more stress. My first one was born after 5+ years of marriage, when I was in my 30+, but I feel that I escaped from the questions as I was away from relatives. Anyway, both of you know what works best for you

    I have many friends who were blessed with babies after many abortions,surgeries,years of treatment etc.. some of my friends who have their first child ,struggled for another ten years for reasons unknown to have second one (what I want to say is they were medically perfect)... so any kind of situations is possible.. so pl don't loose hope.. I am sure there will be light at the of the tunnel..
    . stay positive..may God bless.
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2017
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  10. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    That is such wise thoughts though they stem from pain and frustration.
    Life has taught me that fear will suck the life out of you, still i am not brave enough.
    I am not qualified enough to preach , I am not even sure about religion, but just some stuff that helps me in the tough times.
    A buddhist friend's advice tells of what you have mentioned. Difficulties in life are lessons for you to learn, If you are trying to avoid it, escape it, you may avoid it. But at some point, in some other form , you have to face this again - in this life , or in the next ones. So go thru the experience, cry if you need to, lean on others if you need to but go thru it and learn.
    The second is about fears. Your fears water the seeds , the more you are afraid, the more you dont want to lose something and are worrried about it, the more you water that very seed, that very weed you want to avoid , the more you make it come true.
    Our fears are very real, hard to control, but try. Keep trying. Slowly things perspective changes and slowly acceptance comes.
    Sending positive vibes to you. Wishing you all the smiles.
     
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