Living With Husband As Single....need Advice Please

Op.....this has happened in the past too.
Looks like a pattern in your life.

Not much you can do other than ride it out.
If you compromise,it will happen again because he and his family know this works for them.

There is no big crisis in your married life.
It is not like a very loving husband has got hurt and reacting like this.
Same old guy not talking to you for a longer time.

The only solution is for him to realse that this crap is no longer working. For him to realise that hs wife probably doesn't care as much about his silent treatments or has got used to them.
The solution is simple. He just has to start talking. Not that big a sacrifice or issue. Married people are supposed to talk to each other.

The fact that he has is getting your daughter involved means it is effecting him now. It is not so comfortable for him too.

Enjoy your single life .
You have a house,kids ,and don't have to worry about finances right now.The crisis is his to deal with.

 

It applies to both...that I mentioned 'spouse' applies to both. Here the subject matter is op, a female...I referred only to her specific situation.
If you ask a question like this, then there is no limit to ask 'n' no of such questions with different situations and so the q&a will follow an infinite loop.

 

Your husband involving your daughter in this mess is what caught my attention.A 9 year old child is pretty vulnerable and impressionable. Please take her out for ice cream and let her know that it is ok for parents to have disagreements . Assure her that both mom and dad love her and will always be there for her.
It becomes all the more important for you to move on with your day to day life as normally as possible for your daughters. Plan movies and other outings with them. Let your husband realize that you can function as an individual efficiently and are capable of parenting on your own.
I have come to realize that circumstances / marriages/spouses can change anytime.
It is best to be better equipped to handle these changes by being independent in every way possible. Focus on getting back to work.

 

This is so true. Just wanted to share a short film regarding parents fighting in front of kids. How their minds get affected. Felt really sad after watching this. It has got sub titles so no worries if you don’t know Telugu @Anusri13

 

Its easy to say "fix your problems", one person cannot fix it. Marriage is a two person act. Her husband is completely shutting her out spitefully and thinks its normal behavior. Why is he not fixing it ?

I was in the same spot, separation and divorce give me freedom and liberation from that hell. I am 100% happy and content and if I find the right guy I will be 110% happy. So dont say that single women are depressed and there is no life beyond marriage and she has to suffer with such an insensitive person all her life. I am not telling her to leave the marriage but she has to get used the fact that she could be "single mom" and learn to enjoy life with / without spouse.

Like one person said, atleast the OP should give an ultimatum. Like when the child is N age and still if the marriage is cold and frigid with no warmth then she walks out.

She cannot live like this and go into chronic depression and mental distress.

 

Pls try to become emotionally independent first. Detach from him. Start planning for your life as single mom. Only when he see you not getting bothered by his torture he may come around. Even if he doesn't you will be stronger person yourself who doesn't need spouse. Focus on your health first. If u beg compromise now, u may end up in depression or become horrible mil like other mil. Meditate for your peace and improve your self confidence

 

Well said. @Gallant needs to revisit his thought process. Being a mother of two kids does not mean a woman has to forgo her right to find a better husband /partner and put up with a bad marriage. As a mother of two kids and a woman I find this offensive.

 

OP,
A matured man who wants to honestly work on the marriage will always COMMUNICATE.
Only a person who wants to control, punish, make the wife "obedient" and submissive will resort to this type of emotional abuse.

So many educated, working, financially well-off women bear this torture for kids and society and they become numb emotionally. They lead robotic lives and have zero expectations on their husband.

But you crave for love, attention and his care so dont torture yourself. If all he wants is a sorry, just say that to his mom and in return ask him to talk normally. But for your own welfare, pls LOVE YOURSELF and dont depend on others for your happiness. Always keep this at the back of your mind - Giving the key to your happiness in someone else's hands will only make you unhappy in a long run.Learn to be happy with or without your loved ones. It will make you very powerful. Trust me...

When I filed for divorce my ex expected that I will come crawling back to him. But I went to the meetup website and joined a bunch of clubs - hiking club, bookclub, temple volunteer club, 5k Run club, single parents club etc and even posted pictures on Instagram with my friends group. it really shook him that I had my own social circle.

Dont be so powerless, please respect yourself. Will you be ok if your son in law treats your daughter like this and she is in so much pain ? then why are you doing this to yourself.

 

I extended my support to save the marriage, considering the kids. I never wanted anyone to continue in an abusive relationship. Everyone's perception is different. This is my stand. OP will decide.
I come here to take a break in between my hectic work schedule. Sorry, I can't reply for everyone.
Advice is the only thing available in abundance without even anyone asking for it. There are so many veterans here. Thanks for understanding.