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Listen To My Sil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Goahead, Oct 10, 2019.

  1. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    OMG : those who have been reading , knws that at my home we are havin discussions about inlaws Greencard , health expenses, moving in problems , privavcy issues etc etc


    Today, i was talking to my SIL and I cant believe what she Said : first i told her we are thinking if this is the right time for inlaws Green card as they are fine and do not really need any help from us .
    This time is more like a retirement phase for them/my inlaws and her answer was but now, they can enjoy and take vacations when they come here to US . My reply to that was, if they want to take vacations and enjoy, let me know , i will pay for it but medical expenses for 6 months every year is more of a responsibility than just enjoying time .

    She then went on to ASK ME if my child is still going to Private school here in US and suggested that we should buy a house in other schools district and send them to public school and spend that money on inlaws expensive here and vacations .SERIOUSLY , I'M JUST BEYOND ANGRY , DISGUSTED at my SIL ...i take my kid out of a good school, so i can pay for my inlaws living here in US ? so they can enjoy their vacations and spend our money on whatever they want to do with life....
    DOWNGRADE MY KID SCHOOL ???? HOW CAN SHE EVEN SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO A MOM ???she is a mom herself

    also this means they have been eyeing all this time and talking behind our back as to how we spend so much money on private schools ...Grandparents and Aunts are always thinking as to how the kids an be sent to better schools and given better education ....what are my INLAWS?? such selfish people , take away kids school fees and put it in a vacation fund of theirs????

    .if i tell this to my husband , i'm sure he will cover up his sister and will take out faults at me for even talking about expenses . I wanted to let SIL know that this medical expense is not a piece of cake for us and see what she replied on . Any other girl would make a big deal in the house, for these lines by SIL ...i cant even say or tell this to my husband in peace...
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2019
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    Why!!!!! Why would you discuss the GC topic with SIL?

    This is your 60th thread on the in-laws/mumma's boy husband topic in 6 years. From the responses in all those threads if you haven't learnt the basic lesson of avoid such discussions with SIL, then, what else can help?
     
  3. mangaii

    mangaii Gold IL'ite

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    Actually in US public schools are really good. I don't see anything wrong in what your SIL suggested.
    If there is choice between spending money on insurance vs sending a kid to private school it is better to choose former. You are over reacting. If you continue this there will not be any value for your reaction. Pick and choose what you want to do. You shouldn't be discussing this with your SIL . If your husband has already decided to do GC, I don't see what you will get by talking to SIL. Do you see that you are actually making your life complicated by this conversation ?
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2019
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  4. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    To clarify I was not talking to her about it.. when she’s not contributing then I dnt want to discuss anything with her.. she wanted to bring this topic and she did
     
  5. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    I was not discussing anything with her.. she wanted to bring this up because this is of interest to her to being in-laws here ..

    And regarding my so many post in so many years, then yes I’m venting and getting suggestions. Of course I have learned and this was also a incident that I wanted to share as to how low in-laws can go


    Someone else said that public school are good. I’m not saying they are bad but asking to give up a high standard in my kids education so my in-laws can visit places and take vacations, how acceptable is that?
    Think that in India you are sending your kid to a top notch school and now you have been proposed to send your kids to a good school and downgrade so your in-laws can take Multiple vacations and you can oy from your kids education?
     
  6. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    Not a
    Not againsta apublix school here in US . They are good but imagine your kid going to a top school in India and you are asked to downgrade so they can take vacations. I’m not going to choose a public school rather I will choose to bring them here later in life and not now . I have been having discussions with my husband on not doing green card as of now
    I was also not talking to my sil about any of this.. she probably wanted to discuss this and tell me this and somehow swayed the conversation accordingly

    This thread is not to gain any sympathy from you guys but more of sharing and getting some good words . I k ow I have some situation at home and you all cannot change it , you cannot change my in-laws or my husband but I feel I can put this out and kind of vent and also get feedback from fellow friends
     
    Sunshine04 likes this.
  7. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    You are missing the point. All such discussion should be between you and DH only. If SIL brings it up, change the topic. You gain nothing by discussing gC and related expenses with her.

    The member who said that public schools are good, also said: " I don't see what you will get by talking to SIL. Do you see that you are actually making your life complicated by this conversation ?"

    It is not about your SIL/in-laws suggesting you spend on their vacations and do not spend on private school. It is about you unnecessarily increasing the overall unpleasantness by engaging in such money-related discussion with an allegedly greedy SIL.
     
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  8. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    Agreed to that.. I should not have continued discussing with her ..
    I should have put a pause when she started talking about it .
    Thank you for making me understand this . In all this I’m the one who gets hurt so no point in answering them
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  9. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    To your hubby, you and your child are immediate family. His dad and mom are also immediate family. So he takes care of them too. You trying to differentiate to prove that they are somehow less of immediate family wont work. That’s the reason for SIL to say if expenses are an issue, why not send to *good* public schools. Because they know that you put you and child higher than his parents as immediate family. This conversation is a result of long running feud between all of you.
    Avoid conversations of this nature with Sil.
     
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  10. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    upload_2019-10-10_9-56-32.png
    If the OP's dH is in the habit of seeing only good with members of his family and everyone else too, he could indeed see the clever long term strategy of his sister in thinking of his child's advantage in going to public school instead of private school.

    The child would grow up a dunce, and will not make much money in the future -- thus totally avoiding having any money to spend on HIS inlaws' migration, jollydays, and healthcare in USA, contributing to the happiness of his parents (OP and her dH) as well as himself.

    Platitudes are like a dollar. Neither will take you very far.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.

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