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Life Lessons From My Divorce...

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Aarushi, Apr 3, 2017.

  1. ratan

    ratan Gold IL'ite

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  2. Rose03

    Rose03 Junior IL'ite

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    such an inspiring story .. you are a strong woman and deserve everything ..may god bless you and kids with everything .. Thanks for sharing
     
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  3. CareerTrial

    CareerTrial New IL'ite

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    Thanks for sharing such an inspiring story and you are such persistent personality.
     
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  4. GlobetrotterG

    GlobetrotterG Silver IL'ite

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    Im a single mother of a girl kid, used to live in chennai/Bangalore .When you decide to walk out of a marriage, your life is your hands. You no longer have a co-captain, you’re driving alone. One of the first areas you have to assume responsibility for is your own well-being. You can’t outsource healing; you have to do it yourself. It was really scary taking on all of the responsibility myself. Yet it’s also empowering. Because what you own, you can change. It’s your life now.I realized that first few years after divorce was a time of significant personal growth, with greater independence and more personal choices. It is crucial to work to create a better life. Mourning for the loss of a relationship is healthy and normal. You must give yourself permission to feel grief, go through it, and emerge. Even if the marriage was badly flawed, you invested time and emotion in it and its loss is painful.

    In the beginning, divorce did sap my confidence. I was feeling defeated because i couldn’t hold my marriage together. And when i faced the marriage/ dating scene again, yet older and saggier than before, my self-doubt grew. But i did feel a sense of relief because my relationship was particularly stressful towards the end. If u are getting out of a marriage fraught with conflict or violence you will be happier in the long term, However , there could be a different kind of stress : The stresses of being in an unhappy marriage may simply be replaced by different worries, such as not being able to trust a man again, struggling to find a perfect partner or a fear of being rejected.

    Many of the feelings after a divorce are perfectly natural, as i experienced confusion and uncertainty about the future. Similarly, learning how these feelings may affect one's ability to connect with other family members, such as children, is important, as well was importaant. I think that the average divorced woman has less money than the average married woman and women don't completely recover from the financial consequences of divorce until re-marriage or focus on their career.

    Second-guessing was common, I felt a sense of guilt for the demise of the marriage. Did i work hard enough to save my marriage? Did i hasten its demise by something i did, or did not do? Have i scarred my children? These negative thoughts ate me and crippled my ability to respond to new situations, as my brain was forever dwelling on old issues. It's especially true as my kid was involved and i felt as though i was responsible for breaking up a family and causing emotional trauma.I felt saddened by the sudden loss of my marriage. My dreams for the future was wrapped up in marriage, and now that hope for the future appeared to be gone. Increased responsibility combined with the realization that the life yu envisioned no longer exists correlates with the fact i suffered from depression. I felt fearful of small, immediate issues and fearful of distant problems yet to arrive. Easily said, harder to do: I did try not to worry. Anger consumed me at the cost of clear thinking and wise choices for me and my children. I think my anger rose from my fears, and was work hard to conquer those fears.

    It makes us mature , leaves no room for overdependence on others and childhood fantasies and.Since i faced my fears and survived, i acquired strength. And whenever i come through a struggle bruised and battered yet without giving up, i built trust in your abilities. As the dust settled, i found an increased thankfulness for the friends who stepped up and stood by. Now i treasure every day where the smiles outnumber the tears. And i will retain that gratitude even as the pain fades because once as i have felt rock bottom, i appreciate everything that lifts me up. I was able to see past patterns now, that was less cloudeded by emotion and cluttering detail. That perspective gave me an insight to change my own behavior and to improve my future relationships.When i felt pain, i honored and respected that pain in others. The end of a marriage made more empathetic towards people facing any kind of loss. As i moved towards acceptance and forgiveness of my situation and my ex, i developed the ability to see more than one viewpoint and to consider the feelings of others. Divorce also wiped away the ego that demands that it’s shameful to ask for help.

    The journey of divorce was an arduous one, took much longer and with more setbacks than i imagined before i took that first step. It had many moments of false-hope when i thought that worst was behind me, only to find that i was snapped back yet again to the depths of hopelessness
     
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  5. agdimple333

    agdimple333 Junior IL'ite

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    Very inspirationalAarushi. Pat your back and we all women you for taking the courage to stand up for yourself and your kids.
    Women are so emotional that all they do is release their anger with cry, emotions inside which leads to health issues. We only act when its much beyond our capabilty to handle disrespect and bad treatment from husband and in laws. Probably the big "C" gave you the courage to look things more closely and file for "D".. although all pf these cAme With lot of pain & sufferings.
    Hope you and your kids are doing well. God bless and you stay best of your health.
     
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  6. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    FE9D0A5F-8589-4E6F-BC51-51CE23CBDF48.jpeg
    Thank you so much for your sweet words and wishes! I’m doing very well. Got married six months back to an amazing guy and life is good ❤️. Attaching a recent pic of us.
     
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  7. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    @Aarushi!
    when I saw some of the replies here, I was wondering about your health and you.
    What a sweet update! Congrats on your marriage.
    Both of you look great. So happy for you. Thanks for sharing
     
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  8. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you so much!!!❤️❤️❤️
     
  9. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    I am not sure if a cancer can take on your sort of a woman... what a fighter :clap2:.

    I agree 100% on all the pointers you wrote. Respecting oneself and being mindful. I will remember aways. Thank you :).

    Ps: You both look amazing:cheer:
     
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  10. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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