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Life is all about adjustments between your feelings and reality

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by iyerviji, Oct 28, 2015.

  1. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    @girvani, Vani dear glad you liked the snippet. Glad your parents were with you for three years. . What to do now a days job is very important and because of that you have to tak etransfers . So dont worry. Glad you have told your children how your parents brought them up . That was a quote from Google dear
     
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  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    True @periamma dear
     
  3. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    @parineetha, Neetu dear you are right Cheeniya Sir's reply to my nomination only made me think. My children are also abroad and I miss them very much. Though due to modern technology we are able to be in touch thru whats app, sometimes call but still sometimes feel sad. Earlier my son was here but since two years he is also abroad because of his job. Cheeniya Sir's children are lucky to be brought by him and aunty and they in turn are lucky to have the grand children with them.

    What to do girls have to get married and go away from their parents. But if they are in the same city they can meet whenever they want but if they are abroad its so difficult to come whenever they want. My younger daughter in in London and is not able to come whenever she wants , if she comes also she has to spend with in laws and with us. Atleast my son comes once in a month and my elder daughter we get to meet her when we go there or when they come for a function .

    Parents dont like to trouble their children, they will b eready to help them whenever they need. You are right they wont like to leave the place where they have been staying since long because sweet memories are there. YOur post was very touching to read and I can understand your feelings.
     
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  4. HemalathaRangar

    HemalathaRangar Silver IL'ite

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    @iyerviji, correctly said... wen elder be in our house ten only it ll becom a home.. nt only grandchildren even their parent's(son) need it...
    :yes: grandparents only teach all tos things not only to their grandchildren but also to us...
    The religion and culture can b learnt frm tem only.. the stories tat tey tell, attract children and make tem eat food witout struggles, even grown up ppl tend to get attracted sometyms.
     
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  5. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Welcome to my thread @HemalathaRangar, Hema dear for your touching feedback. You are right dear children and grandchildren can learn so many things from their parents and grandparents. When the parents get married they make the house a home and teach their children how to make the house a home. When my daughter got married, her father in law told her you have to make this house a home, she is the eldest daughter in law in her in law's house and youngest daughter in my house She has made her house a home and her father in law used to love her so much and treat her as a daughter but so sad he did not live long and after seven years of her marriage he expired and my daughter and son in law were abroad . My daughter came crying and felt bad as he was missing his grand daughter and since a year he could not see them. Her father in law did everything for his grand daughter, used to take her to the park everyday, all this my daughter was thinking and crying when he left the world. Today also she misses her father in law very much. She has learnt so much from her parents in law, if he was there he would have been more proud of her. Sorry for letting out my feelings
     
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  6. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Viji madam,

    Yes, it is good to have grandparents at home. In fact it is a boon. A little adjustments from both sides.......the happiness and security grandchildren and children also have. It is a big support system to both. Parents are busy with their jobs...grandparents are like a cushioning system to the kids. They share so many things. Grandparents imparting value system to grandkids also. How wonderful it would be!
    Relevant to everyone.
    Thank you
    Syamala
     
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  7. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Viji,
    You have nicely photographed the present situation and analysed it in every angle possible.Members have poured out their views on a snippet"If I will be a mother" which you have nominated for the Finest Post.
    Many women realise that it would be nice that if their children have grand parents with them,but that becomes practically impossible after one child formula has come into being.If both the husband and wife are the only son/daughter of their parents whom will they support? To do away with conflicts they better avoid both.
    In many houses grand parents are affectionate to the grandkids , but not considerate with DIL.This results in some serious problems-grand children supporting the grandparents,who are let out by son and DIL.
    In schools even in KG classes children are taught about extended families.Only father, mother and sibling form the prime family.
    Grand parents on either side and parents' siblings are placed in the first extended family, cousins belong to the second extension.
    Adjustments can be made .When there is will there is way.There is no dearth of ego'which obstructs entire harmony at home resulting in some dignified 'get out' ,but mostly with harsh exchanges of words that remain a sour for ever.All the enjoyments they had with grandkids totally disappear leaving scars of insult and injury.

    To avid all this unpleasantness ,keeping always an arm's length is suggested so that at least a 'hello' relationship persists till the end.
    'Proximity breeds contempt'-this saying cannot be applied better but in the joint existence of grandparents in the family.
    A DIL may love her MIL as a grandparent but definitely not as a MIL.
    Thatha is always welcome ,even by the DIL. There appears to be no conflict or very little conflict with men.
    We have to agree that men, by nature, intervene less in domestic matters and seem to respect privacy better than men.This is not my opinion alone but seems to be common in all the households.DILs prefer the stay of their FILs,less controversial personalities,who can be satisfied with simple things and who may not interfere in kitchen work, menu and upkeep of things.In the same way sons-in-law also are cordial more with fathers -in-law than with wife's mother.
    I don't understand why women become temperamentally different while enacting double roles as grand-ma and MIL.
    My eldest sister who was very much endearing to her FIL was totally tortured by her MIL.All along the FIL supported my sister and that is why she was able to prolong.
    Even with this horrible experience, my sister's husband only was treated with love and affection by the grandchildren and not my sister.
    Perhaps women have to learn this bit of knack of behaviour from men
    However in case of short stay for a few days, neither MIL nor DIl show their real face and perfect sense of hypocrisy prevails.
    Is this the significance of what Bagvan Sathya Sai Baba said" you need not oblige;but pretend to oblige".
    But Swamiji's idea was that pretence would prove to be a reality one day.
    He would not have thought that this pretence in instalments will ever remain a pretence.

    Jayasala 42
     
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  8. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Being near parents and they remaining close to their grand kids is a heaven on earth which means rare in my circumstance.

    Both iyerviji and jayasala mams' response are wonderful.

    This is the reality of current generation with many kids going abroad. I think my grandparents were lucky and vice versa for us as grand kids. myself and my kids are some of the unfortunate ones living abroad missing all those love and affection. Tech is there, but the human touch and the nearness will never be obtained by these technologies, can only help a bit.

    thanks for the thread
     
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  9. HemalathaRangar

    HemalathaRangar Silver IL'ite

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    Dont think like tat aunty(shall i call u like tat).. im the one to hear ur feelings... so not to worry.. some ppl lives in our heart aftr tey passed away lik tat ur daughter's fil also lives wit tem... may be he left tis world but his soul always present near ur family... no one can replace that place..
     
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  10. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    @shyamala dear true having grandparents is a boon. I agree dear with your thoughts. But many people dont understand their value , they will come to know when they become grandparents I think. Thanks dear for the though provoking feedback
     

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