Life Has Become Very Heavy

Everyone has given you very good advice. You can try talking to him one more time, if nothing changes then start considering whether you want to live like this for the rest of your life.

 

Dear OP when you are thinking to give 6 months times to him, consider you are taking this 6 months to prepare yourself too.

First of all even if your husband put so much pressure on you be firm and calm. Save at least some amount of your salary for yourself and kid. Do follow minimum the 50/30/20 finance rule. Next time when he ask any question as the same question back to him in a calm way. If he asks your salary, ask his salary. If he asks your phone password ask his phone password.

I think being strong and firm on your need will give you some clarity as what you want and what to expect from him.

Go through this below article . Are You Really Ready for Divorce? The 8 Questions You Need to Ask
2. Were you ever really married?

To be really married a couple must have created a relationship that included an "us" or a "we." Many people who are considering a divorce have never had a marriage that was anything more than two individuals meeting their own needs. They may have raised children and shared a home but they participated in those activities from a competitive rather than unified position. They would ask -- "Do I want to do this or that", rather than ask "Is this good for us?" If you have not developed a genuine "we" in your relationship this would be the time to either commit to learning how to do that or to admit that you have never really had a marriage.

• If you don't want changes to your finances, lifestyle or traditions then you are not ready for divorce;
• If you cannot accept your children's sadness and anger then you are not ready for divorce
• If you cannot acceptance times of insecurity, fear and the unknown then you are not ready for divorce
• If you are not willing to let go of your spouse mentally, emotionally and spiritually then you are not ready for divorce.

 

Thanks for sharing the article.

 

He is an emotional abuser.

Please tell him openly how you feels about this.

 

All husbands are good in proving 1+2=4

You can't stop checking him bcos it hurts you. This behaviour he has got is not acceptable.

Make it clear you don't want him to have this behaviour, if it continues you will leave him.

Move the screenshots you have to your email account, so you can use it as evidence in future, when you are asked to prove infront of family. He can delete it from your mobile, since he has got access to your mobile phone.

Whenever he takes your mobile in hand in suspicion. You go and take his mobile and say with smiling face, let us do this, check each others mobile and see what we have got new today.

Since he knows your fb password, you also have got rights to know his password. Confront him without fights.

Change your fb password & mobile phone password now. He will definitely snoop your fb & mobile, finds the passwords are changed, when he demand for password. Ask him for his password. Don't give yours until he gives his password.

Also you don't give your passwords, if he changes the topic on the day you asked for passwords and ready to give it the next day. which means he is deleting things from fb and giving you the password next day just to get yours.

 

I agree, about saving your screenshots and sms communication. Create a dropbox account and store all your important documents on it.

Do not offer up your password. I used to type mine in (it was an iPhone), but my H kept trying to catch the numbers, so I started using the fingerprint functionality. Keep a daily journal, with occurrences. Our memories are faulty, but you can't argue timestamped entries. I use Penzu, since I type while I am at work. It's also mobile friendly, so you can update if you are on your phone.

If he already has access to your email, create a new email account for communication with legal communication. Have a personal bank account, that he cannot access.

 

I would differ on this . sorry.

Facebook password, phone password, whats-app. there is google hangouts, Skype, kik ( my neighbor was telling, his teen kids use that) . messenger

there are 100s of ways to communicate. how many will you track.

Marriage is based on only 1 thing. Trust. if you feel you don't have that. there are only 2 options

1. You tolerate the abuse.
2. OR you move out.

 

Exactly, there are literally just 2 choices. Monitoring your husband's activities doesn't change it, and he will continue to demand things from you, because he simply thinks he can. The question is, are you ok with that?

Please try to find a support system, counselor, etc. My parents, however much I love them, could not help me deal with the complications in my marriage. They worried about me too much and got too emotional. My father wanted to protect me, and it's based on what he believed would protect me. A counselor is trained to handle this type of thing, and you would have a place to share your thoughts without being judged.

There is so much confusion that anyone in a bad relationship would feel. On one side, it feels like it's intolerable, while on the other side, changing anything would cause too much unrest to the people around you. Finding someone to guide you through the tough time is the only way. It really is too difficult to handle on your own.