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Life After Seperation

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by venkiis, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I hope I didn't suggest you were selfish with finances. Since you mentioned finances and since I know of folks who have gone down that route, I just penned down the info.

    Right now, I think you do need some help(both for your sake and the children's). You need to follow your lawyers advice and start documenting any abuse(emotional as well as otherwise). Hire a good lawyer soon. Also get counseled and find closure for all the stuff that you've had to deal with.

    From your responses here it looks like your marriage is at a point of no return. Whatever happens after you separate it may be better for your well being to get that separation. As far as her getting help, if she has a psychiatric ailment like you have mentioned in your earlier threads, you can't diagnose it. Only a trained physician can. And unfortunately she needs to go see one and get the help. You can only speculate that she has a mental ailment, you don't know for a fact. Is she accepting that she needs help, in counseling or otherwise?

    If not, you can't do anything about it. She has to agree to and seek out a diagnosis and help. If she takes that step then you can support her and ensure she stays healthy.

    I do think there's been a lot going on in your marriage for it to work with you in the equation, especially with the affair that has happened. You are also bound to be angry.

    I don't think it's a good idea for a person who is emotionally unstable to take care of two young kids all by herself. Aim for shared custody. It has its challenges. The spouse who is vindictive can make even that very challenging. I think you can make it work though, with good legal help to iron all that out.
    In this country either parent can write off their parental rights. It's not just dads. I know three single dads who have complete custody of their kids and are doing great. I don't think it's right to go that route though. Kids need access to both parents if possible. I think it should be used only in extreme cases.
     
    yesican likes this.
  2. venkiis

    venkiis Silver IL'ite

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    You are right. After reading all this i am not going to let go of my kids. I will be their guide. I have given myself another 1 year. The reason i came back to usa is i have some rights as a person here . India is whole different game people can speak and manipulate there.

    I will help her during this year. if she does not change i will take my decision.
     
    luvmygirlnbean likes this.
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...you seem to lead a life most Indian working women do.Work ,come back,take care of home and kids ,with little help from spouse.

    As for your situation...your wife is a cheat and vindictive.You will be better of getting divorce in your country of residence.Don't go back to India till you deal with this issue in case she tries to get you in trouble.

    Your wife is working so you will not have her financial responsibility.
    If she cheated...you can probably provide proof of infidelity and get a better deal in the divorce.

    Unlike India...you have a better chance of getting full or joint custody of children.
    Why do you want to lose your right over your children.Get a divorce,stay close by and be a part of your children's life.
     
    joylokhi, beautifullife30 and momsky like this.
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op ,if your wife is bipolar and not taking treatment ...then you should seek custody of kids on that basis.Let her give child support,financial and emotional from outside.

    If you suspect she is bipolar but you are not sure...Is their a way you can force her to seek medical opinion and help?
     
  5. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    Your marriage is definitely in a point of no return. From what you describe about your wife, are you sure your kids will grow up right in her custody? I think you need to be around for your kids so that they see a good role model in their life.
     
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  6. dnormx01

    dnormx01 Gold IL'ite

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    If she's had affairs, doesn't care for the kids and is depressed, why'd you want to leave the kids with her? Don't you feel they will also suffer like you are now? You are an adult and can at least look for a way out but if she's given permanent custody, where can those innocent souls go? Looking at what all you wrote, I was thinking if the kids have any emotional connect with her now and how much they are connected to you. Maybe even this factor is to be considered for your decision making.

    Better keep the kids with you and look for ways to help in their upbringing.

    Best wishes to all concerned
     
    suasin likes this.
  7. venkiis

    venkiis Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you all. I am not going to let go of my kids. My son is emotionally dependent on me. Boys they look and act strong but they are quite weak internally. they need more support than girls.

    I am actually persuading my wife to go for psychological analysis. Not for proving anything but for her own benefit.
     
    joylokhi, yesican and yellowmango like this.
  8. luvmygirlnbean

    luvmygirlnbean Silver IL'ite

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    That's a good approach. I don't have great advice for you but I have my cousin(she)who acted the same way when she was not emotionally connecting to her husband. Women cheat when they are not emotionally supported . I searched for various articles when this was happening as i know both husband and wife are good human beings but not great partners. Of course she had a great husband(from society perspective) and a beautiful daughter. They are now separated but she found solace in Brahma kumaris and is able to cope up with her affair and lead her life better.
     
  9. venkiis

    venkiis Silver IL'ite

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    thanks aND yes . after the incident. i also read a lot and found this. but i still dont agree to act of doing it. Infidelity is the great pain a couple can give to their spouse. If you do not get along, just separate.
     
    cheenu123 likes this.
  10. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Felt so bad on reading this and feel sorry for your situation. It looks like your wife is acting like a man and you are doing the job of female. My suggestion for you is to keep full time maid for cooking /cleaning/looking after kids.
    Record all her sex conversations and have a proof so that you are safe in future. Please do not give a single pie or gift to your wife. your kids would live life like orphans if you leave the family as your wife is anyways not bothered about her family. Try to be emotionally detached but lead a married life for the sake of kids
     

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