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life after divorce?

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by sampadaPhadke, Jan 20, 2013.

  1. sampadaPhadke

    sampadaPhadke New IL'ite

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    Few questions :

    1. How is life after divorce?

    • Does Indian society behave harshly ?

    • Is the outlook changing in India?

    • Are never-married guys ready to marry divorced girl ?
     
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  2. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    How is life after divorce?
    Initially tough but now got over past and got used to other tensions. Life is surely not easy.
    Does Indian society behave harshly ?
    Relatives yes . Society partly. I generally maintain distance so that I will not get effected.
    Is the outlook changing in India?
    Yes to an extent.
    Are never-married guys ready to marry divorced girl ?
    Yes if the guys age gap is more ore he really has some problems. In arranged marriage no guy is coming and no parent is willing to marry a guy with a divorcee. I have seen few single guys replying bad if everything is good from his side.
     
  3. introspection

    introspection Silver IL'ite

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    Difficult initially, but wounds heal with time. It also depends on every individual, how each one copes. If you are the emotional types then will take you longer to cope with the situation. For a women it is much more difficult, but not impossible. Its very important to not get dejected with this failure.

    Yes it does at times. Well if you live for society then you wont live for yourself. Nowadays, due to the sheer volume of people divorcing, people don't tend to look down on divorcees. Yes there is a problem, so what ? should be your attitude.

    Definitely, changing - no two ways about it.

    Why not ? there is no hard and fast rule. You are not untouchable.
    I have read success stories of divorcees on this forum, so do not get discouraged.

    " Most importantly, in future choose well and not make the same mistakes again"

    If marriage has to happen, it will will happen again, its better to be happy alone than to die everyday being married to the wrong person !
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2013
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  4. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes to last 2 questions.
     
  5. Uttaraa

    Uttaraa Platinum IL'ite

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    Your neighbor's distant relative's aunt's cousin may speak ill (if that is boundary of society you encircle) . But if your immediate friends and neighbours don't understand then you have BIGGER problems in life than 'divorce'! You may have to rearrange and sort out your life in having people around who trust, support and adore you (now that is what I call society that we are interested in)

    In general, is the outlook changing, I have no clue if there is any fuss or stigma surrounding divorce. As long you are confident, eloquent, enthusiastic and focused - no one can point finger towards you. Awe them! Beat them with your charm! Quell then with your wit! Outsmart them with your sauce! It is not only about divorce but showing people how to treat you in life - in general!

    Erm..er...hell ya! Let me rephrase - a confident, successful, secured and head-on-shoulders type of a man would always marry his lady love irrespective of her caste, creed, religion or relationship status.
     
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  6. cuppcake

    cuppcake Gold IL'ite

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    Life after divorce is much, much better. Not easy at all, but better. It shakes the core of your being but you have to very, very carefully make sure that it doesn't kill your inner spirit. That takes time, patience and work. Initial bit is the toughest, and your aim must be to hold on and pray a lot. Of course, it also depends on how you look at it and how bad the marriage was. Am only speaking for myself here.

    Indian society may/ may not behave harshly. A lot also depends on what you really think of yourself when you are with 'society'. If you are your natural self, like you always were, they get used to it pretty soon. If you maintain equanimity irrespective of snide remarks or people judging you, then society doesn't really matter. I'd say 80% of it mostly your own ideas about yourself that get projected to other people, cannot fake it much. If you work at making yourself happy, people may be in a real danger of very quickly forgetting your marital status.

    A lot of people may also admire your courage for taking charge of your own life, as it is indeed a tough decision to make. In that sense, society is changing, but still not wholly comfortable with the idea of divorce. They may like you as a person, but the thought of divorce itself is a new idea for most people and it disturbs them. So they behave a little unnaturally trying to be a little too nice or somewhat distant. In most cases, their intentions are not to hurt you. If you make it a habit not to get hurt too easily, esp after a divorce, it really helps. Easier said than done. But it's a skill that can be practised over time, if not perfected.

    Never married guys are willing to marry divorced women. But they are all kind, serious and non-serious, as is the case with divorced men.
     
  7. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    Q. How is life after divorce?
    A. Depends on how life was before divorce. It is all relative as to what you have gained and what you have lost.

    Q. Does Indian Society behave harshly?
    A. Yes

    Q. Is the outlook changing in India?
    A. No.

    Q. Are never-married guys ready to marry divorced girl?
    A. No.

    Summary: Unless the life with present spouse is simply unbearable physically/emotionally/practically - best to make the first marriage work. Better to invest all the effort into making what you already have work.

    Aamrapali
     
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  8. BharatS

    BharatS Gold IL'ite

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    It will be how you want that to be.
    Certainly there will be some challenges, but IMO those will definitely not life threatening if you are really out of abusive marriage

    When the society/people cannot correct your marriage, they have not right to indulge with your life post-divorce. So take charge of your life
    Slowly, but certainly

    Are never married girls ready to marry a divorced man?

    a confident, successful, secured and head-on-shoulders type of a man/woman would always marry his/her love irrespective of caste, creed, religion or relationship status.
     
  9. sripree

    sripree Gold IL'ite

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    How is life after divorce?

    The five years between my first and second marriage were the years where I achieved peak of professional growth, gained a master's degree from the best university in the world for my field, travelled to 3 different countries and lived in 6 different cities. Life after divorce, was simply fabulous. However, I wouldn't have been able to achieve all I have without the help of the lovely Claire, my therapist. She helped me evaluate my feelings about every incident that had the potential to send me into a depressive spiral. There were plenty of moments where I deceit and anger from being cheated. However, learning to prioritise and manage your feelings whilst not being too hard on yourself is key to being able to lead a balanced life.

    Does the Indian society behave harshly?

    No one will behave harshly with you unless you allow them to. My strategy when people asked me about my ex husband or my divorce was to tell them straight on their face that it was impolite to ask, or if they were people I knew well, I'd say I am uncomfortable discussing and won't encourage future conversations around this topic. It's surprising how many people shut up when you assert your stand.

    Is the outlook in India changing?

    I can only speak for the urban centres, yes it is, for sure. Besides, it really depends on your own outlook and how you view yourself as a divorcee. You reflect your own beliefs to others.

    Are never married guys willing to marry a divorcee?

    Yes. I am living proof. I married a never married man, who is the only son, with the blessings of his parents last year. We met, fell in love, lived together for a year and finally tied the knot. My husband, who is only a few months older than I am was a perfectly eligible, successful and good looking 26 year old when we married. Yes, I got divorced at 21, after marrying into an abusive family.

    For my hubby, it's not about me being a divorcee. It's about loving me as a person. You need someone who will respect you as a person and not evaluate you by your past. Most people have boyfriends/girlfriends before marriage. And most of them breakup. So, same difference.

    There are men out there who are like that. You just need to find them. Patience is the key.
     
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  10. OliveOyl

    OliveOyl Gold IL'ite

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    1. How is life after divorce? - Depends on what you came out of.
    1. Does Indian society behave harshly ? - Yes. I have seen people discuss about divorces 8-10 years after it happened, and the person in question has moved on with her life long long ago.
    1. Is the outlook changing in India? - Yes and No. If someone says that the reason was "incompatibility" then they are far less willing to accept it.
    1. Are never-married guys ready to marry divorced girl ? - Yes. I have seen many examples where that has happened. But such gems are rare to find, especially if unmarried girls of similar age group are available. Here I am talking only of arranged marriages. Also, other factors play a role. Having a kid, age of the divorcee, future capability/willingness to have kids, openmindedness of immediate family etc
     

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