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lied y??????????

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by lactic, Oct 13, 2010.

  1. prsnfd

    prsnfd Bronze IL'ite

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    The best thing you can do is to talk heart to heart with your husband in a nuetral environment, with a cool mind and no drama. This talk will be immensely beneficial to you, to him an to your relationship.

    This will open up a clear and honest line of communication between you and your husband, and this is absolutely essential to a long and happy marraige.
     
  2. lactic

    lactic New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for the responses. I did have conversation with him and he has convinced me. I do trust him, my heart says trust him and brain says no. I did see his divorce papers. The only issue I have is I had trusted him completely and blindly and never expected this to happen 7 years after my marriage and that to I found out from a third person. My husband said he would never tell me this till I was 60-65 years old but unfortunately the truth came in front of me. He says he is really sorry abt it and does not want our life to get messed up. I love him but again I am scared. We just had a baby and his parents are here , I do behave normally with him and I had asked him to give me time 1 month to think abt it. The time has come to an end now. On one hand I can't forgive him for hiding the truth, its hard for me to trust him. On the other hand I love him and its difficult to break the routine of your life and I dont want to walk away. I dont know what to do. He says give it some time and time will heal.
     
  3. dream.girl

    dream.girl Silver IL'ite

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    Marriage is all about trust, respect and love. Even if one of these is missing then the things start crumbling. He had lied to you and broke your trust..Did u try to ask him what made him to hide THE DIVORCE from you??
     
  4. Preet82

    Preet82 Silver IL'ite

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    Take it easy !!! You say he is good man and loves you a lot.We realize the value of someone/something only after we loose it.So just think with a cool mind.Talk to a consoler if required.DO NOT take hasty decisions.
     
  5. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Its difficult to digest this lie as its major , he married you under false pretenses knowing that his proposal would be refused if he told the truth.
    Its easy to say to carry as if nothing has happened since he is a good (?) man who told a huge lie !
    Its sad that you discovered this thru a third person , he may have never told you.
    Even divorced men remarry why did he hide the fact ?? What was the need to hide it ?
    Now you are trapped and he has got what he wanted. He could be feeling happier as he doesnt have to hide the fact while you are heartbroken.
    Take some more time to think about your situation.
    It may take years to rebuild the trust .
     
  6. canreachus

    canreachus Senior IL'ite

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    You seem to be a balanced and understanding person, at this stage it not advisable to any nasty decision, if you convey your feelings to him that you trusted him and he hid such a huge thing but still considering his good things and future you are willing to continue life, then there is a chance that he will keep you in your heart forever and it will be useful to build the relationship, I strongly think that this will help to increase the frequency of sex too although I understand that is not your main concern, regards
     
  7. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello, the lady needs the convincing from hubby dear and not the other way round !
    She is the aggrieved party and the hubby has to instill trust in the relationship after breaking it !
    He must be felling happy to get it off his chest anyway. All the effort must come from DH .
     
  8. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is sad...but I think your husband must have hid it before marriage thinking he will lose out on good girls.after marriage,he might have felt guilty for what he did and this goes on like a cycle.
    It would be better to analyze a situation if we know whether your husband married someone just for visa or did he love her?how long was he married?
    Your husband should have revealed it to you...he has not.you cannot walk out as it may jeopardize your future.you should give it some time,I guess.ask your husband why you had to hear it from a third person and you are deeply hurt.it is ok to be a little hurt and expect him to win your trust....do not overdo it as after all,it is YOUR marriage.at the end of the day,you have to bear the brunt of whatever happens.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2010
  9. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    The onus ,burden should be on the hubby, he lied , hid such a vital fact .
    Its his marriage too which is at stake. Maybe he was divorced because of his sneaky nature. Is it right to behave this way so as to get good proposals ?? Should he be let off scot-free ?
    Everyone is conveniently telling the wife to think about the marriage, baby etc while the man has got what he wanted though he lied and now is happy.
    Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches. Very easy to say move on but difficult to implement.
     
  10. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Tell your husband you too married someone before but never stayed with that guy.
    Say you divorced that guy before you married your husband.
    You hide it from your husband because you didn't want him to get hurt.
    See how your husband reacts!!

    Your husband did a very MAJOR wrong (not mistake) for hiding bout his past marriage from you no matter what is his excuse. He should have told you bout it even before you decided to marry him. :rant

    Just wondering whether your's was an arranged or love marriage?
    If it's an arranged marriage and if your in laws too are aware of his past marriage then spit on your in laws face as well.
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2010

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