Let The Kids Start At Love All

This was @Mistt 's query here How To Make Kids Complexion Fairer

Dear Mistt

Before I give you how I handled the situation I have to tell where I stand and how I look at relationship with in-laws.

This is one of the many governing values with which we, my husband and I, brought up our children.

"Our children have every right (It is their birthright) to enjoy the love of both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. I or my husband have no business denying them that right."​

And this is what we drilled into our children.

• In this world of billions of people, there are only a countable number of people that we can call our own.
• So, cherish them, be friends with them, respect them, and learn to live with them. They may not be what you want, but that is what God gave you. So learn to get the best out of what you have.

This is very important for me – when we leave this world our children should have the support of their uncles, aunts, and cousins. These people are their roots and my children in turn should teach their children to hold on to the family roots.

There’s more, but I‘ll stop here.
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This is how we handled some delicate moments and they varied by situation.

Even before leaving for India we used to explain to the kids that there is a cultural difference and therefore some misunderstandings may arise. Towards this we had asked them to not complain too much, and to not talk about being American too much which may come through as show off, etc.

Despite all this if they had complaint about anyone from their father’s side I told my children to tell their father and to “do what dad says”. I stepped cleanly out of it. Many times I never even wanted to know what transpired between the kids, my husband, and his side of the family. This, especially when an adult is involved.

It is my husband’s duty to protect his children from hurt and I trusted that he will do his best.

I took care of handling my side of the family if they annoyed the kids unnecessarily. I never let my husband involve.

Sometimes my husband and I have asked our children to tell the person in a good way that their words/actions are hurting them – usually it is their cousins.

My in-laws are very nice folks and these small irritants could be counted with ten fingers at the most through all these years.
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This was a very difficult task for me @Mistt .
In relationship issues I always believe it is not possible to give solutions because, we do not know the nature - yours, your children’s, your in-law’s, and that of the situation also.

 

Thank you @Mistt
I was really worried, wondering if I had helped you or offended you.

I am glad you took the message in the right spirit.

Parenting is the most difficult.
One one side are your children on the other side is the world.

It is a test for us in the field of diplomacy, tact, wisdom, discipline, sense-of-humor, patience, ...
It is only when the child is growing up that we grow up too.

Before I had kids I used to think that bringing up child is just changing diapers, cooing and playing with them, and cooking them alphabet shaped chapatis.

Now I know that it is not at all what the Maggi Noodles ads showed:

"Maa mujhe bhookh lagee hai" (Mom, I am hungry)
"Dho minute!" (two minutes) - a smiling, impeccably groomed mom replies.​

Hehehe... two minutes??!!! It takes all of 30 minutes, and longer if I am bone tired, disheveled, and have no noodles in pantry!

Happy parenting!

 

Yes, credit goes to @Cheeniya sir for coming up with this title.

You are doing the right thing. I understand, and praise you for not posting them. That shows your calibre.

 

Thank you @GeetaKashyap .