Lesson Learnt : Spell It Out

Meghaa · Sep 6, 2019

I thought DH and I had the communication part figured out - but nope. There is always room for improvement.

What was happening : We are going thru a rough time : infertility. Obviously this puts lot of emotional/mental stress on both of us . But additional physical stress on me....Since this was so frequent and constant I tried to power thru - as in still trying to do my day2day activities - even when in pain , discomfort or running low on energy. In my head, I wasnt letting it take over my life more than it already had. But then I was pissed at DH coz he wasnt appreciating the fact that I was trying to power thru and picking up where I left off or voluntarily doing more.. The resentment kept building and we were fighting without actually discussing - coz in my head :I shouldn't have to ASK him , he should understand!!

Finally : When we got talking after a very stressful move in the middle of all this - when we basically dropped the ball on quite a few things. We had to take a step back and assess what is going on together.

Anyhow - turns out, since I was trying to do things even when I wasn't feeling well, he assumed I was feeling ok. He said if I need something from him , I need to 'say it' as opposed to expecting him to understand ( guilty - but in my head I shouldn't have to ask for it) Anyhoo , I agreed to spell it out in the future.

Take Away: No one lives in your head. Just because you think its 'obvious' its not so for the other person. Do not blame them until AFTER you spell it out and it is ignored.

SinghManisha · Sep 6, 2019

Meghaa, Men and women are wired differently . While that makes for a fun marital experience; it can be incredibly frustrating as well , specially during tough times. The days of women waiting for men to read their mind are long gone. We have to make our needs and wants clear . I am glad you figured it out. I hope it makes your life easier.

Anusha2917 · Sep 6, 2019

Meghaa infertility is not new to me!
The culprit are those hormonal injections I'll tell you. Imagine we women already are a bit moody kind. Reason - estrogen and progesterone peak in a normal cycle. And during infertility treatment these hormones are given to us in excess. Especially the progesterone is the culprit. And suddenly when we don't see the result we kind of become all the more difficult beings to be handled. Observe yourself and your mood on months when you are not in a treatment cycle. Or when you don't have any expectation at all of TTC. Things will be smooth as silk.

So it's neither your mistake to expect nor his to understand/not understand your needs. Just those hormones I tell you.

The tides shall pass soon.

But you have learnt a great lesson to spell it out irrespective of the hormones. But don't blame yourself. Blame on the bloody Harmones.