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Lesbian in arranged marriage.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Ladybug11, Jan 6, 2012.

  1. Ladybug11

    Ladybug11 New IL'ite

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    Hello,

    I am 26 yrs old and got married 2 months back. I was in a relationship with a girl for 2 years. We lived together abroad as long as we were studying and it was perfect to me. Then the course finished and we had to return back to India (living in neighbouring cities thereon). We both got to working and soon my family found a match for me. Then started the emotional drama and all the pressurizing. My family was just not ready to take NO for an answer. I kept trying to avoid it. But i was pressured into getting engaged....to leave my job... to be married a year later. I still kept trying to break it off but my family just didnt care. For them the guy is a hero! They are totally in love with him. I felt so miserable. My girlfriend was devastated as well.

    The guy eventually understood that i didnt want to get married but he said he couldn't break it off either since the families are involved blah blah....I am married now, moved to a different country to live with my husband and I am still in love with my girl. She loves me too. I feel so depressed in this marriage. I've even told my husband that i am not happy at all about this marriage and i feel disgusted if he ever tries to come close to me. I keep thinking about leaving him and getting a good job as i am professionally qualified and live with my girlfriend. The friends who know about me and my girl keep saying that I should give this marriage a try and if still I am not happy then I can ofcourse walk out. Walking out is going to be another war with the families! I feel so miserable and can't focus on anything. The only thing which makes me feel better is my girlfriend and we just love each other so much. I don't feel attracted to my husband at all. He is a nice understanding guy but I can't come out to him and tell him the truth else he'll ofcourse use it against me. I dont know what to do! I'll die like this. :(
     
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  2. nowhere

    nowhere Senior IL'ite

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    Your inaction has spoilt three lives. Better sit with your husband and have an open conversation at least now or walk out!
     
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  3. anurar20

    anurar20 IL Hall of Fame

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    hey lady bug,

    what about ur girlfriend, did she got married? whether she knows that u got married?
     
  4. godsgp

    godsgp Bronze IL'ite

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    Why did you not assert your sexuality before you got married?'
    You should have told your parents.
    If you are bold enough to have an unconventional way of life,you should have been bold enough to assert it also.
    If someone would have been affected by your decision ,it should have been your own family.
    Why did you choose extend that hurt to another family.

    My views on homosexuality are neutral.
    But this reason or any other ,nobody has the right to ruin somebody else's life.

    See if you can adjust to your new life or just walk out boldly,taking all the blame and move on with life.
     
    6 people like this.
  5. LoveUrLovedOnes

    LoveUrLovedOnes Senior IL'ite

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    Best option is to be frank and tell
    1) ur husband
    2) ur parents

    You should have done this before marriage itself

    better late than never
     
  6. whiteorchid

    whiteorchid Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey ! i will be very blunt but ur post made me feel bad for ur husband !! why did u spoil his life if u did not want to marry him! and what do u mean by giving a try to ur marriage or else u can walk out ???????

    """The friends who know about me and my girl keep saying that I should give this marriage a try and if still I am not happy then I can ofcourse walk out. Walking out is going to be another war with the families!"""""""
    WHAT IS THIS ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

    u have to give 100 % to anything in life for it to succeed any half hearted effort will never give u results ! if u loved ur girlfriend u have to be strong and face all hurdles to be with her ! only people who are strong emotionally and have courage to stand and fight for what the believe in and want can achieve happiness ! its not about loving a girl or guy its about LOVE!
    and ofcourse trust ! u have cheated ur husband ! we marry because we want to share our life with someone whom we can trust , love and have faith that they will give us unconditional support n love .
    im sorry for being blunt n rude but i feel sad not only for ur husband, who got trapped in a loveless marriage but also for u , some one who has no courage and ended up spoiling three lives!
    u gave in to pressure to marry ? now ? people will ask when r u having kids ? then ? have u thought what do u want in ur life ? better u sit down n do some self analysis n dont spoil anyones life , even urs ! we get only one life to live ! and love !
     
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  7. LoveUrLovedOnes

    LoveUrLovedOnes Senior IL'ite

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    I was just thinking of it
    and u stated it

    i fully agree with u

     
  8. LoveUrLovedOnes

    LoveUrLovedOnes Senior IL'ite

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    I really pity ur husband. He has to face hardships because of your irrational thinking and selfish reasons.
     
  9. vaali

    vaali Senior IL'ite

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    Ok ladybug, lets get things straight first.. without letting you family & your hubby know about your relationship & the reason you aren't interested in your current married life how can you call this marriage off & start living with your gf? when you were so sure you are not a 'bi' what made you enter into a married life with a guy?

    The guy eventually understood that i didnt want to get married but he said he couldn't break it off either since the families are involved blah blah.... i really dont understand what you mean by this, do you mean you revealed it to him about your sexual orientation even before marriage & he understood that but still couldn't call this marriage off?

    Please allow me to say that you made a big mistake by not telling him the real reason you aren't interested in thias marriage. You not only hid a big monster knowing well this monster is not going to accept any 'he' in your life but also spoiled that guy's life now. I think its time you take a right decision atleast now.

    I would give you two options,
    1. He is a nice understanding guy but I can't come out to him and tell him the truth else he'll ofcourse use it against me. I dont know what to do! I'll die like this. :(- if this is not just you imagination & you really feel revealing your sexual orientation is going to bring you problems, just see if you are 'bi' & who knows? may be as your friends say this marriage would be working out better than what you thought! (you sure you never had any boy friends in your life ever? no crush nothing? never had the desire to enjoy a male company? if yes, you need to give second thoughts about your orientation before anything else..)

    2. This option may only sound logically right, coz our country('s attitude) towards homo sexual relationships is still in primitive stage.. so i doubt if this option would ever practically work out. But had i been in your situation i would defo give this option a thought. Seen this movie 'I cant think straight'? if not, you now should..
    Just go ahead & reveal everyone what exactly is your problem & why you wanna call this marriage off. Your hub should be the first person IMO to know this (poor guy, he will have some clue atleast then..) followed by your parents. It would defo be a rollercoaster ride after that.. but i guess even if there is some 1% chance that people around you are going to understand what you try to imply, its worth giving it a go..

    I dont blame you personally for your sexual orientation or anything, but just that you dint take a clear cut decision before marriage & is still confused about it, is what making me bit annoyed. C'mon buddy! you are 26 & YOU CAN THINK STRAIGHT, when i was able to do it @ 21..
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2012
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  10. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey...
    I wish you werent married...you shd have not gotten into these!. I think you should tell your husband clearly that you are only attracted to girls...not him and thats it. Giving a try? you seem you dont want to give a try as you are clear what you are/want. Get out as soon as possible before your husband 'rapes' (and he thinks he had a super SEX with his loving wife) you and you bear a child.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2012
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