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Left Flabbergasted....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shama146, Sep 21, 2019.

  1. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    On her part:

    A tool(education, independence, awareness) is worth only in the hands of an excellent craftsman.

    The justification of living together even after abuse (for the sake of kids, for the sake of my aged parents, etc) only come to bite back at a later time. It's a simple logic, right? You kick the donkey to cope with your anger issues and it still comes back to haul the load later, the donkey relies on prayers and astrological reasoning and other reasons to assume that Master would change if it continues to serve in good faith.

    On society's part:

    Stop guilt tripping divorced/separated folks. People rush to get back into another relationship only because of this 'push' factor and they are brow beaten to settle with someone who is even 1% better than the previous abuser (the boy who cried for shoes analogy).
     
  2. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    This is what makes me think it is more than economic independence. The parents are capable of supporting her and the woman is capable of providing for her children.
    But they all seem to value 'social status' above the well being of themselves and their children
     
    Amica likes this.
  3. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    For parents definitely social status or they are not ready to take up responsibility of two young children or they have other children’s responsibility or spent all their life’s worth on big wedding and fat dowry’s , they themselves are dependent on sons and DIL who may not want more to depend on them....

    for girls, I believe she does not have confidence because she may have never worked and married directly out of college ...never earned in life , so the prospect of going out and fending for self may be daunting .... but she should think about the child support or alimony to start with ....

    that is why it is important for girls to get job first then marry and never leave the job .....
     
  4. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Do women in dowry-free cultures within India suffer less at the hands of the in-laws ? I am not sure about the various Hindu sub-groups and what they practice, but Muslims of all sub-groups seem to practice a bride-price rather than a dowry from the bride's family to the groom's. Do muslim women suffer as much ?

    And muslim women also have the advantage of being able to burden-share, if the husband takes advantage of the multiple wife allowance. After all, consider the two scenarios of
    • Good Husband (provider, kind to wives, never beats them (even gently, as proscribed by the authorities) and children, and overall nice fellow): Isn't it a good thing to have a fraction of this good type, than a whole monopoly on a wife-beating abuser ?

    • Bad Husband:(drinks up the wages and doesn't bring enough money home, beats up all the wives (much harsher than what the mullah had allowed) and the children too, and overall a nasty fellow):Would't it make sense to share this burden with a few others ?
    During the Independence day speech, the PM talked about the potential elimination of the Teen-talaq variety of TADKAL-divorce. That is a good thing too !!
     
    dhivyacc likes this.
  5. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes parents play a major role in abusive marriages. Most of the parents are not supportive of divorce because of many reasons, especially when kids are involved. Here the girl is not working. This is the major drawback. But she is more worried about her kids growing without a father.

    There are many working women who doesn't want to give up on marriage because of this issue. They consider having a father is of supreme importance.

    Again a dowry free marriage doesn't gaurantee that there will be no abuse. Abuse is not only because of dowry. There are a zillion other reasons.

    Marriage is a gamble where luck plays a major role.
     
    hemakrishnan123 and dhivyacc like this.
  6. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    While marriage maybe a gamble, staying in an abusive one is a decision.
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    True...but dowry is one of the oldest and socially sanctioned( not legally) reason for the entire family to rally and bully ,taunt ,abuse the dil in our country.
     
    shama146 likes this.
  8. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    It's up to each and every one of us; not just the victims. We need a radical change in attitude — from men and women.

    These atrocities will become rarer ...
    ... when it is more shameful to be the perpetrator of DV than to be the victim;
    ... when we point fingers at the abuser and ask why he committed the crime, rather than shame the victim and ask why she stayed so long;
    ... when we shame those who demand dahej more than we shame those that couldn't meet the demands;
    ... when divorced women get the same acceptance that divorced men do;
    ... when FOOs of unmarried or divorced DDs are not ostracized;
    ... when we support parents who welcome home their DDs more than we shame parents whose DDs seek refuge from abusive marriages.

    Societal change takes time but we're inching toward the future every day.
    .
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2019
    Meghaa, shravs3, shama146 and 3 others like this.
  9. vijayanna007

    vijayanna007 Bronze IL'ite

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    for me the most disturbing part of the video was the poor kids seeing that horror.....:pensive:
     
    dhivyacc likes this.
  10. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    I know for sure that we are on the same page.

    I usually don't type many stars but I might leave the post as such, the least I could do for the people on the video is to rage fully write on the internet. :buenrollo::icon_writing:
     

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