Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by justanotherDIL, Jan 7, 2014.
I hope in 1-2 years, you DO have your jewellery to bring back! All the best.
Bring it piece by piece to USA and you can always tell them that you want to wear them here for functions or festivals etc. I am apprehensive about bringing everything in one go so i am doing it gradually.
I offered mine to my in-laws and then to my dad as i did not want to bring everything here and nobody wanted it:hide:...so it is lying in India in my locker laying eggs...i do not see any problem if she wants to wear it unless you mind(I am not much into jewellery and my in-laws have definitely more jewellery...every one keeps pushing gold or silver on me after marriage and it gets irritating for me)...
Ask the manager of the bank that your friend also wants to get a locker and who all can access a locker if you are really apprehensive about it...even the bank website may have some details or call them up as a generic user to get this information
or give it to your parents and if your MIL asks about it tell her that since she did not ask for the locker key you have given it to your parents as your parents stuff is also in there-> if your parents are in the same city or if they do not have a locker
or move your stuff to your parents locker and if asks why something is not there tell her that you have it taken it out to take it to USA and some is with your parents to get it polished etc
If you are the only female apart from MIL then i do not see any concern...it will come back to you anyways...
Sounds familiar. I had only a few pieces of jewellery with me when I got married. They gave me one necklace (which I know was hers before since she still has matching ear-rings for it).
As soon as we got married and I moved into their house, she asked to wear some of my saris saying that everybody has already seen her saris and she was bored of them. Luckily for me, she did not ask directly (if she had I can't say no). She told DH. I said no since I grew up with a dad who did not like my sis and I sharing with each other or even with my mom. He said I'll get separate for each of you...and stick to what you have.
Next my dad's good business associate had gifted me a simple gold necklace and earrings. She wanted to wear that too.
When I came to the US 6 months after marriage, I brought all the pattu sarees with me (luckily those days baggage allowance was a lot). I left a couple of pieces of jewellery and the silver vilakkus (diyas) behind.
With each trip the things I have brought back here is increasing since she will show interest in them. The vilakku I brought back because FIL was thinking of taking it as well as some smaller ones I had received as gifts and exchanging for another. This was one that I came into the house with and HOW DARE HE even think of removing it.
Last piece came back last year It was a necklace set that my dad got me when my sister got married. Chunky piece that I hardly wear, but she wore it for a couple of weddings since FIL told her she need not ask since I won't mind. She wanted to wear it for my son's upanayanam last year, but I put my foot down. Even though she offered me her diamond necklace instead. Reason? My dad had asked me why I never wore it and asked if I wanted him to exchange it for something I liked. Told him never changing since he bought it with love When she asked if I would leave it behind again, just told her "your son has insisted I should take it with me" She can't fight with that.
I would suggest slowly bring back the jewellery this side. Esp the ones that your parents gave you. And write a list down of the ones you leave behind.
I did not write down everything I left behind when I left their place, and a lot of stuff can't be found anymore.
Definitely fishy. Give the locker key Sure ,but make sure you shift all the jewels out of that locker before handing over the keys.
This is absolutely wonderful and so simple to think! Gets the job done and no ill feelings :rotfl. Such a wonderful solution. I loved it oh so much.
OP, I had left my jewelry with my MIL coz she wanted me to do so, not sure for what ever reason. I did not mind and gave all the jewels to her. In my next trip to India I had a wedding to attend. I never asked for my jewels (considering she must be having them at home with her) but she herself asked me "dont you want your jewelry for the wedding? I had them in the locker brought it for you". I said "Oh, thank you". After the wedding I had to fly direclty without going to my IL's house, so was lucky enough to bring all my jewelry with me!!! laugh1smiley
Considering today's situation with the customs and other restrictions, I feel I did the best by bringing all my stuff here and did not keep them back in India with my mom or MIL.
You might wanna check with the customs rules before deciding to bring in everything. Good Luck
if you decide to keep the jewelry there, make sure you document in presence of DH and MIL what is kept in the locker. Keep two copies,one in locker and one with you.
if you decide to get it here, make sure you keep in locker. A lot of indian houses are targeted for gold.
Give her the key and if you are very suspicious of her intentions change the lock or add an extra lock, for which you keep the key!
Have you opened the locker in your name? Joint names with your spouse? Or jointly with your MIL?
If it is in your name or a joint one with your spouse, there is nothing much to worry. Better leave the key with MIL, in more secured and permanent place, so that you don't have to be reminded everytime whenever you visit India about the locker keys. Also the hassle of misplacing the key and searching it till the last minute will be freed from you.
If the locker is in both of your names, I would want to know the reason for having it jointly with MIL at the first place and then trying to deny her access to it?
If it was your MIL who demanded to keep it jointly with her, then you can do one thing. Just have a small lock inside the locker, and keep the key with you. So, leaving the main locker key won't do any magic. Again tell her as if you have taken it to the US by mistake.
For a long term solution, better open a locker in the US before you go to India. Take most of your jewels with you now, keep the remaining in India and leave the keys with MIL. Ask her to make sure that she brings them all the next time they or anyone from their family visit you.
After 9 yrs...the locker key is still with them. But most of the interesting jewelry is with me...
Like you the first few times I just didnt bother about the key and put whole trust in them..I came back only to see my vanki(worn around upper arm) was twisted and turned and my long chains had strands of hair....
From then on...I got most of my favorite jewelry with me. I actually have no much interest in wearing but the thought of some one else wearing them without even asking me turns me off. I still left half of it with then]m and the key but I see any clue one more time....i will confront.
My DH supports me getting all the jewelry as he thinks I have the right coz its mine, but I will propose a locker here and see what he thinks.