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leaving child at my parents

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by saisai, Jan 15, 2011.

  1. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    exactly my point...but i have some hesitation in your last line.I get it that you are doing your residency?If so,have you tried pooling with some stay at home mothers or day care centres?I am saying this because you said mid 30's and then 2 years more for specialities.That is a long period for the child to stay with GP's...what do you say?Anyway...you are your best judge.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2011
  2. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Billybob,
    Parents parent kids, and Grandparents are grandparents to grandkids. They are not parents of the grandkids. They did their good job in raising their kids during their time.


    Supporting a family member is different from being asked to act in parental capacity or being asked by the parent that they want to offload THEIR resp because they have OTHER priorities. Very different.

    Never did I say about a woman cannot be a doc or a surgeon. I have women docs in my own family and just like other working professional they balanced, did tradeoffs etc. (And this incl. women in India and Western countries, so not just talking abt India here).


    Anyway, I want to end this discussion. I really dont find it meaningful when the OP is absent anyway. So, I'll excuse myself from this thread, and this is my last post until OP comes back.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2011
  3. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Most often kids stay with GPs for 3 years with frequent 6 month visits, they go to preschool around 4 years of age. ONCE settled in group practice most of them can have flexible timings like nights and weekends and kids do not have to attend after school for the rest of their school years till college, compare to parents who work 9-5 jobs. It is equally difficult to raise middle school and highschool age children. There are parents who support their daughters careers, it is very common in families where I come from and I will support my daughter in future if required.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2011
  4. Confused211

    Confused211 Gold IL'ite

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    Saisai, is it possible for you to study while in India and then, go back to the US to take your exams? I am sure leaving your kid for a few weeks each time you do so wouldn't have any negative impact on the kid. Your kid will probably enjoy the special pampering too.

    Did you even find out whether your parents are happy to raise your kid for a few years. What does your husband think? Tell him that it is time he puts in work to raise the child. Fathering isn't just about all the fun in initiating pregnancy and playing with the child.
     
  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Rose, at the end of day, we all do what suits us the best. That much we both agree:thumbsup. So I would like to leave it at that, for, I am really not ready to accept all the (pardon me for saying this, you know I don't mean any dis-respect) explanation. But whether or not we both agree is a different ball game; we both are not in OP's shoes, so we would never know the true circumstances.
    Perhaps you also read my post which I edited soon after I posted agreeing that we don't have to be rude while responding and perhaps my post to her (third page, post#26, 20th Jan 2011) where I told her to look into other options (very politely). Please understand that at least my intention is not to belittle OP's problem. My first post itself proves that.

    Edit: Would I not support my daughter? Of course I would, until my last breath. But I would expect her to have exhausted all the options where she could have kept the baby with herself before she sends the baby to me.
    Yes it is very common even in our families also where family stands by us when someone needs help. For that matter, when my SIL was giving her final MBA exams, I took my 6 month old nephew under my care for 2 months (took family emergency leave) so that she can study well and pass. But would she have told me to just take care of the baby while she completes her entire term, I would have had a problem with that.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2011
  6. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    MST very well said ma.

    SaiSai
    I am not sure if u are reading this thread but as a mom myself I wanted to share my thoughts. Yes it is very hard .Many may not agree but it is actually harder on the parents than on the child when we decide leave them at so young an age under the Grandparents care. When I went back to work or needed to leave the kids home between 9-5 or even for a movie for a few hours with GrandParents my heart ached. I missed my little one so much. But when I would come back I saw that my child was happy ,content and basking under the attention of his grandparents. At that age they really do not care whether its the mom or the GP providing the care. Ofcourse this came to me as a rude surprise but its what I realised.
    Medical profession esp residency is unlike any other. Many do not realise this. I am an engineer myself. I can work around schedules.I can take work home on a lap top . Doctoers cannot. I had friends who did their residency . They had 2 36 hour shifts with no break. Could not even have a decent lunch or even come home for a shower.
    When u have a little one under those circumstances its very very hard.
    Day cares or nannies only exist between 9-6 max .What do u do on weekday nights or weekends ?Where do u leave the child ...Docs who are doing Residency do not have weekends .
    Having been a working mom I know the difficulties of this situation and I fully empathise with you.
    If at all possible you can bring parents or inlaws here. If u cannot then leaving the baby with GPs is the next best thing. If ur parents are willing and they are young and can take care of the child and u are willing to bear the heart ache for some time then baby with GP is way way better than sending them to extended day care from 6 am to 1o pm.
    Yes it will be hard but in my opinion more on u than on the baby at this age. (If its a new born).
    My parents and inlaws both offered to take my children. My dad had tears in his eyes when he asked for my second one . I couldnt let go .
    Couldnt bear to be away from them . But if I ever had a situation then my parents would be my first choice. Yes it will be hard but its what is best for the child.
     
  7. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    JAG very well written.

    As a Mom it's hard to beleive but that's what the truth is.As long as someone can take care of the kid well,for kid it won't be much difference and at least lot of times they won't come back and ask the mom why did you left me at grand parents?
    For a mother,it's very hard to stay away from a young child.

    Thesse days,it's very funny because my daugther would leave me message asking me to come home late ,becuase she get to play with neighbour if I am not at home.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  8. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    My work schedule is very flexible, my daughter used to like (requested us not be picked up early after school) to go to after care after school in elementary and early part of middle school, now likes to come home right after school, we are able to do that now. When they are in high school and middle school it is very important to pay attention to them after school.
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2011
  9. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    No issues Rakhii...everyone is entitled to their own views.Some may be right from other's point of view,some may be wrong.It is the way it is expressed to someone that I am speaking about.I did read your earlier posts and I accept that you had written it in a well balanced and neutral manner..so :cheersto that!On what points you disagree,is upto the OP or anyone to take in what they like or dislike.

    Now what Justanothergirl has written is completely in line with what I have been trying to say since yesterday.I could not state the exact number of hours they work as I do not know anyone personally.But its true that their profession deserves the utmost respect for the amount of dedication they put in!

    P.S:No more posts (hopefully) from me or else spiderman and rakhii will run behind me with a signboard "OP MISSING...stop discussing".Rhymes doesnt it?:crazy
     
  10. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    Hopefully this is my last post I can identify with OP as I have been in similar situation, had to request my mother to stay with me. Yes I did do 36 hour shifts 6-8 calls a month, stayed away from my spouse for few years as we could not find in the same city. After 7 years of residency and fellowship we are settled now, Now even if I am working 40- 50 hours a week, it is much easier as I take 24 hour and 4-5 hour shifts.
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2011

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