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Leave Her Alone - Part One

Discussion in 'Breast Feeding' started by Myliltwincesses, Sep 29, 2019.

  1. vjan29

    vjan29 Platinum IL'ite

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    Very nice post, an eye opener for all new moms.
     
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  2. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Sir..
    In the mentioned post, I have narrated about my C section experiences.
    In my another post Things I Wish I Could Have Done Differently After My Delivery..., I have mentioned about my own breastfeeding experiences.

    ' Leave her alone ' series is a combination of my own experiences and other new moms who are my friends.I have started with BF and gender issues..My next part will have other common issues faced by new moms.
     
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  3. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for your comment
     
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  4. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for bravely sharing your experiences regarding breastfeeding - one of my favorite topics!


    Dear @periamma: I am happily breastfeeding my almost 3-yr old and I live in a city in the US. You will be happy to know that there is quite a group of people in cities who are getting this natural and age-old tradition back in to practice. It is termed extended breast-feeding and each parent decides when to wean. It isn't forced at 3 months or 6 months (lots of US pediatricians recommend this) or 1 year (some US pediatricians recommend this) or even 2 years (WHO recommends this) - there is no magic number to wean; each mother-child is free to decide when to do this as per their convenience and circumstance. 3 months is perfectly OK too - if mom and child want and need to do this - just like OP says - just don't force/bias her to do this.

    And in the process of getting here, I have heard it all. I can smile at it all now, but when it happened I was enraged, angered and saddened for days together:

    1. At a birthday party, when I was using a host's bedroom after permission to nurse my LO. "You should use neem oil on your breast to wean your LO". My response: Aunty, kid loves Amma's milk and I love breastfeeding too.

    2. Another aunty at some other point: You should use nailpolish on your breasts so kid gets discouraged. I couldn't even answer. You're recommending poison to my kid to stop him from having the best food in the world for a baby!

    3. Very close relative: Your kid is addicted to your milk. I couldn't come back with a rejoinder.

    4. My kid used to be super excited on seeing me return from work. Overheard: Oh, that's because you still breastfeed. This hit me hard. I was and am in disbelief. They couldn't understand why a child is excited to see their mother after staying away for so long.

    5. A couple of close relatives to kid directly: Che-che-chee-you're such a big kid, you should be having cow's milk in a cup.
    I spoke to them when I got to be alone with them. Please don't embarrass a kid - all over the world for many years, kids have been BFing for an average of 3.5 years. It's normal and natural and only recently has changed.

    6. Breastmilk is very problematic because you can't tell how much the kid has had. You should switch to formula milk - because we can tell exactly if baby had 2oz or 3oz or 4.

    But that is what nature intended! "As much as you need" and not measured in ounces. Also I learnt that the breast is never empty, the baby can go on suckling and new milk will trickle, if mother is sufficiently nourished/hydrated. This is why sometimes during growth spurts babies will go on nursing round the clock with short breaks/naps. This is one of the hardest things for a new mother - the back ache and the constant nursing. A loving and supporting family around her - ready to help with meals, water, and you-can-do-it is super beneficial to mother and baby.

    Over the initial sleep-deprived months, knowing all these points about BFing really kept me going:

    1. The gut microbiome of the child is truly primed with breastmilk sugars/proteins and is really valuable since helps the child have less digestive issues and allergies later in life even as an adult. The *even as an adult* part was what fascinated me.
    2. BFing reduces the chances of osteoporosis for the mother. (not sure how and why)
    3. Breastfed children handle infections through this mechanism: When the baby nurses, disease microbes in their system enters the mother's body via the nipple and the mom develops antibodies, which then customize her milk and then later baby gets a boost of antibodies from this new custom milk for the specific infection that the baby's body is fighting. When I learnt about this - I was humbled at how the human body is truly a miracle. This is the reason that when you pump milk, we are asked to always use mostly fresh milk especially when the child is coming down with a cold/fever. I've heard some old-wives-tale about not consuming milk when one has a fever or cold - and many follow this tale with respect to feeding a baby, his/her own mother's milk! I think this is only regards to cow's milk which has the tendency to be phlegm-increasing. This whole infection-fighting power of BM makes it super helpful especially when traveling to new places.
    4. FM tastes the same everyday, BM tastes slightly different with each meal that mother has. Who doesn't like variety in their meals? :) This also enables the baby's palate to get exposed to all the family foods the mother is eating.
    5. BF babies are usually not very chubby because they can't be overfed by the breast. It is easier for a baby to be overfed with formula (hence the common notion of the chubby formula-fed baby) - because babies love the sucking motion - and will suck at the bottle sometimes out of comfort rather than hunger. I am not at all against FM - we used it for critical reasons and it IS a life-saver - but we should be aware of the trade-offs of our decisions.

    But besides all these scientific reasons to breastfeed - it's the special bond one develops when breastfeeding that tops it all. :relaxed:
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2019
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  5. periamma

    periamma IL Hall of Fame

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    @startinganew well said ma.Lovely post.Mother's milk is a good medicine.if someone has eye pain few drops of Mm helps to get relief from pain.For headache .dry ginger paste mixed with Mm and applied on the forehead.These I have heard in my childhood days. Your last line is very true.
     
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  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Glad of the re response.
    Looking forward to your promise of posting the next part of the series .
    Best wishes to kids and your family.
    Stay blessed.
    Regards.
     
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  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:In the hindu pantheon, women were all reported through the epics and other puranam that they begot numerous babies ( not C) yet they remained youthful or call it beautiful.

    2. A hundred years before there was no feeding bottles. Humans and so the society was strong and immune to several diseases and viruses. They our ancestors had a robust life with longevity surpassing century or centuries. It is reported Lord Krishna died @135 years Bhishma was 95 at Kurushethrawar...... yeda yeda. Hardly few doctors and if at all some one fall sick it was only treated herbal.

    • When wheels discovered, industrialisation picked up toward end 18th & beginning of 19th century - many got vulnerable to unknown diseases and there was need to do elaborate research in medical science. Eating by spoon instead of hand, came into vogue.

    3. I therefore INCLINED to up the ante for BF to build a world Of strong humans doing away or less with pharmaceuticals.

    • I heard once switched from BF to bottle, it might turn out to be irreversible. This is a kind of rider or corollary.

    4. This might get the post digressed from its theme of “Mother alone should decide: unsolicited advice to be ignored”. I hope I might be excused for it by OP & others.

    God- you had designed several eons before everything- every aspect perfect for us. Sorry we humans interfere with it and remain flummoxed.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2019
  8. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks sir.
     
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:This is true.
    2. When I had to burn midnight oil for studying for degree exam, I had a kind of blisters on my iris and eyelid inners. My mother cured it in a day by only castor oil drops and drops of BM fetched.
    3. Thanks for reminding my late ma!
    Regards.
    God - mother’s vision for her kids is akin to Your vision to Your devotee.
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    @Myliltwincesses, very well-written. Your taking the time and effort to write this series is worth appreciating. I was struck by how you gently explained your points without undue judging or blaming.

    True. They should try to give suggestions only when asked for, and once done with giving suggestion, back off, don't try to ensure that those are followed.

    Once again, you say it so peacefully and briefly. There are fathers/husbands who get easily influenced or pressured by the opinions of others. IMO, a mother should have primary say on most of the baby's care in the early weeks and months. If the father can have an independent opinion not formed mainly from what his mother or aunts or sister says, then, that can be also listened to.

    I think a baby is so pure and such a reminder of nature's wonder that people can't help going overboard with suggestions. Even in this thread, we could see traces of that. Your post did not at all say anything negative or positive about the choice of breast/bottle, but so many comments poured in on the goodness of breast milk. Your main point (do not judge the woman for breastfeeding/bottle feeding) got overshadowed.

    I was mostly lucky to escape such suggestions. But one remains seared in my mind. I had started to exclusively bottle feed my baby, and it was OK by me, my baby, my husband, and pediatrician, and my primary care doctor. I was doing fine mentally and physically. Then, a friend had to try and "help." She actually came over one day, left her work early to drop by, talked to me, and gave me lecture on +ves of breastfeeding, and finally pulled out a bottle of fenugreek/methi capsules designed to increase milk supply. And to my horror, she went on to add, "I had these left over from when Ani was a baby. It has not expired. You can have them." How could anyone give a half-used bottle of capsules to another person! And this was a person who carried her own bedsheets/linen/towels to use in hotels. : )
     
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