leave and cleave principle: wife follows but why dont Indian dh.. here is my story

Hi ILs
Post might go long, please bear with me.
Its been 3 and a half years and i m still struggling with dh's nature.
Brief about me : 3.5 years of wedding, no kids, struggling to get into my profession- doing exams for medical.
Last week i had a small argument which turned into a fight, it got worst when he broke a glass. After fight i accepted whatever i said wrong (he started the argument but when it got heated i too lost my patience)and apologized but he dint, instead his ego got boosted. We talked very minimal in last 4 5 days. yesterday night he exploded again, he actually vented.
He said 3 4 things. I listened him patiently, tried to calm him but he dint. Now since morning he is behaving fine.
OK So Here are his points: 1) He dont have friends here, back home he had 3 4 besties, and many more regular friends. He dont have anybody like his school mates now.
2) His parents have started talking less with him because of me.
3) He is trying his best to maintain good relation(exactly same as before my marriage) with his bro and cousin sis but he is not able to do so because of me.
.O
.M
.G
He is actually living with these points in his head, and so he is not able to do justice with my marital relation, he fights every 2 3 months on some trivial issues. Fight mostly leads to a silent treatment for 6 7 days. This kind of mental torture affects my studies adversely. He supports me financially but for me and for anybody mental peace is equally important.
I believe reason behind his indifferent behaviour is that he still wants to stick to his extended family and not accepting his wife as a part of him.
Now explaining his points: 1) friends rea a part of life, we all are attached to our school friends but at 1 point of time we need to move forward, if he decided to stay abroad then he need to understand.
2)His parents: When ever they need some finance, they reduce their talks with dh, (i m observing this ever since my wedding). When it goes too much, my dh automatically starts calling them more, giving them money and their luxuries. Dil is the first one to recieve a blame, no offence.
3) His brother- he started his job recently and he is not able to talk with my dh regularly, dh needs to understand its not because of me but because his bro has a life different from him.
His sis got married recently, she dint even send rakhis for my dh still my dh was asked to send her and her hubby a rakhee gift. Anyways point here is she is busy in her life and hv little time for her cousin bro.
Is it difficult to understand that relations are dynamic.
Being his wife i too need his love. I cook for him everyday, cleans home, tries to give everything which he needs, cares for him,love him, we share a good personal relation too.
Still he wants to go back, giving preference to his family.
I am not against them but yes i do need my love.
How should i make him realize that He is "MARRIED" now. i left my parents for him and he too needs to put efforts for a healthy married life.
PLease share your experiences and solutions. This will help me and many more ladies.
Thanks

 

Re: leave and cleave principle: wife follows but why dont Indian dh.. here is my stor

I want him to treat me fairly instaed of resenting everytime.
Instead of thinking that his frens, his bro, sis, mom do not give him time as when they used to do when he was a kid, he should know that relations dont have staticity.
His feelins makes him upset, makes him not to love a person in his life, which is creating a huge rift between us.
I need his love and support.

 

Re: leave and cleave principle: wife follows but why dont Indian dh.. here is my stor

Hi frommars:
Thanks for offering help.
When it comes to me, he shows a controlling behaviour. He wants to show a superiority over me. When it comes to his family, he goes extravagantly.
If i cook, he will come at last step and give his review comments.
Suppose for a party- If i cook something very good, and some friend likes the dish, his immediate comments comes : "my mom cooks so well but i dont know i think i have a
problem that i can never praise any food". its not about praising a dish, its more of appreciating the efforts which he overlooks or pretends it this way.
Last week- we were in a party and people started discussing about seniors, there i said that i love talking with elders and he started laughing loudly.
If i ask him to do a particular thing; he wont do it untill i repeat it 4 5 times, where if his family asks him something he do without caring anything.
If i am with his family, he ignores me and makes this behaviour very clear in front of his relatives and family. i feel disrespected.
He knows the concept of gifting, he regularly gifts his family on occasions but gifting me is a waste of money for him. But now I am not much bothered about it...
He feels pleasure in taunting me for literally very small things.
He is kinda fair whether friend, if i m ok, he is fine but if i am upset he never cares whether i cry whole night.
If i need a public transport (smallest need i m talking here), he sees a waste of money and taunts on my physical strength, where his bro needs flight every 3 4 months from mumbai to goa(buses and trains are there if he can not afford), he happily spends for him inspite of the fact that his bro is earning. I am not comparing my needs with his bros one but spending on 1 is wastage and spending on other is duty- it isnt fair. Your wife too needs your care.
Frommars i m actually feeling very depressed: a man is doing everything to make his family happy but wife.... no feelings for her. People says feelings develop over time, 3.5 years is a good time.
Every second day i listen him saying, "i am so much stucked in my marriage that i stopped caring for my family and now they have started parting from me.I can not live without my family."
Nobody can live, is this the reason y he tries to belittle me.
Whatever i do for him, he says that it was not needed, my efforts go waste, being a wife i love doing things for him. But he dont need them. if his mom do the same thing, he thanks her 10 times.
It means i am not needed in his life. His life totally revolves around his family, i am not against them but he always shows that keeping his family happy is his soul aim. Am i not his family.
He married to me, atleast he should understand that now a little change is needed to accomodate me in his life.
I have lost my confidence, have become more emotional.
We are happy till the point i am silent. I feel scared if i have to talk with him.