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Le Charming Connections reignited!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Megalife, Feb 21, 2012.

  1. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Le Charming Connections reignited!
    I will put this as a part-2 to my flirting roses; now I am talking in the plain sense. The science of flirting is the capacity of men and women to abide by a remarkable set of behaviors embedded deep in our psyches.

    In my book of rules flirting in any form is famine, fire, destruction and plague...all put together.

    In todays changing times we do come across a few many flirting roses….. from teenage healthy flirting’ which may be a nice way of allowing your hormones to be at rest to very idiotic teenage flirts, who really don’t care about the consequences.
    Also we have another category of “corporate flirting’…it may be a simple flirtatious conversations “ get me a coffee sweetheart”…… may be a ploy to get your male/female colleague to make you coffee, or to build up a rapport that will land you that killer contract. But never do you know that this coffee/contract might land yourself on the wrong side.
    To what you might see as a casual display*of tender emotions can be mistaken as serious vibes for ‘the someone” on the receiving end. They might get starry eyed, hear violins and actually fall in love with you. The worst thing you could do to someone is give high hopes. Sometimes, what might be a trivial misutilisation of time for you might turn out to be emotions of immense dimensions for someone else. Most of the times determining the difference between harmful and harmless flirting is quite hard. The same kind of flirting might be heavenly for some and very lethal for others. May be some day , a few years later if you realize that a few days of the so-called-casual-interaction left the so-called-victim crazy about you, and hasn’t been able to forget you; you might just feel a twinge of guilt…. to top it all, when you realize it was all your fault…. I promise it won’t be a very good realization. I have seen these type of flirting in colleges in times past and present.
    In current times, men and women have started spending an endless amount of time at work. Long working hrs, boredom makes you get up, close and personal to your he/ she collegue. Have you ever pondered :: extra-marital affairs happen to people who we deem as wise. Do you think they might have started it off deliberately , who would want to land in such a soup? It all starts on a light note....and stretches on to a great mess, heartaches, broken homes. Excessive flirting disorder or flirting fascination haunt men and women alike, so I am not pinpointing any particular sex.
    For married guys/gals, a bit of introspection might help. When you are in one of those situations just form a mental image of if you would like your better half to be doing just what you might be doing....if that thought causes you heartache then stay away......watching a movie with a collegue after work seems like a harmless act, but had your spouse done that....will you be comfortable with that? You will most likely have a convincing answer.

    In a nut shell, flirting as a way of closely interacting with someone at the office whom you find attractive and interesting is a strict NO-No and cannot spell a genuine friendship. As conservative as I may sound, we need to follow a bit of restrain to keep our complex emotions under wrap.
    Better to nip off subtle hints and gesture at the budding stage...better play safe than sorry.
    Mega
     
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  2. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Megalife,
    :thumbsup You have handled a very difficult topic beautifully .This "Harmless flirting" has become an increasingly common occurrence both at work and social settings .
    .Sorry to say more so among people in committed relationships .I have come to hate this self-contradicting term.
    There is nothing harmless about flirting. Its a deliberate signal of invitation to take things to the next level. Its disrespectful to ur current partner and is never appropriate unless u are serious about the person .And if u think u are having fun think again ...its a dangerous game ...u can rarely control how it will be received.
     
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  3. smileAlways

    smileAlways Gold IL'ite

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    Hi mega,
    This is an eye opener thread. Today, most people spend more at work than office. So there are more chances to be closer with colleagues than ever. In stress full work environment, many tend to hang onto flirting for little comfort. The line between flurting tends to narrower to a relation later either one way or two way.
    Well said!!!
     
  4. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    That was very interesting Mega. Flirting, harmless or not, is not just restricted to work place. It exists outside of work too. I have seen many friends or their husbands flirting with others. But yes, you never know how the other might take it. If the other is strong enough to side track it as harmless banter, its not a big deal. If not, it does ruin lives.

    But I do wonder how some of us see flirting. A shy smile, flicking your pony tail or even just being an open, talkative person is seen as a flirt. Just cos a person is fearless and does not shy away from talking to anyone about anything, they are mistaken to be one. When its a woman, its instantly declared so. Some just have the knack and tact to charm others easily, sometimes they do so without even trying and without any deeper intentions. You don't have to do much to be identified or say branded as one these days.

    Its important that people understand not every smile or comment or "sweet heart" would mean more than just a gesture to be polite or simply butter someone to get a job done. Avoiding it is not really a possibility. But it need not go as far as using physical signs to attract another or others. That would be wrong, unless the other party is willingly a part of it and is "available".

    I got called sweetheart, love, damsel and darling all on the first day I landed in Uk....lol...Imagine falling in love with all four of them!!
     
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  5. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Tanoshi,
    I am sure Mega will answer this herself but I think
    she is not talking about endearments that some people in the west liberally use while talking. . Flirting is different. Its where u use ur feminity /sexuality to give an explicit come on signal
    Simple example...
    A rather good looking colleague of mine helped a few of us women at work during a recent office move.
    Most of us smiled genuinely and said " Hey thank you so much " . A few of us even said "We owe u a lunch/coffee". This is just friendship and decent reciprocation of a favor.
    One woman however leaned forward touched him on the sleeve and with a heavy sigh said "What would I do without you ....let me buy u a drink! " That to me is flirting. You almost always know when the line has been crossed.
     
  6. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear justanothergirl
    I have happened to read your fbs/valuable advices...your maturity shines through your posts. <?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /><v:shapetype id=_x0000_t75 stroked="f" filled="f" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" coordsize="21600,21600"><v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke><v:formulas><v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f></v:formulas><v:path o:connecttype="rect" gradientshapeok="t" o:extrusionok="f"></v:path><o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit"></o:lock></v:shapetype><v:shape id=Picture_x0020_1 style="VISIBILITY: visible; WIDTH: 27pt; HEIGHT: 21.75pt; mso-wrap-style: square" alt="http://www.IndusLadies.com/forums/images/smilies/bow.gif" type="#_x0000_t75" o:spid="_x0000_i1025"><v:imagedata o:title="bow" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\jjjoseph\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image001.gif"></v:imagedata></v:shape>.
    You have given some very valid points, which was there within me while penning down these lines, but couldn't conjure up the right vocab to match my thoughts. Thank you.
    How do I say it, well...trying to be extra-noticed, make that extra special advances. A person with a bit common sense feels it as to why that person is making that extra bit of effort. Some gals/boys are giggly and funny by nature ; they are pure fun to be with...nobody takes them seriously in this sense (plz. exclude those overpossessive spouses/one-track mind people).
    One should be answerable to his/her conscious; any intentional, purposeful move to exert a pull on the opposite sex; we already live through the laws of magnetism “opposite poles attract”, we do not want to fortify this magnetic field.
    MEGA

     
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  7. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear SmileAlways
    Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, loving all of your Fbs in the forum.
    One of the reasons for my starting this thread was to highlight the hazards of 'corporate flirting' which most of us agree is a malignant problem thawing marriages and/or relationships globally. If the flirting is between two individuals who are not into any serious commitments, then the impact might be much not as much .Cheers
    Mega
     
  8. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Tanoshii
    Thank you for a well thought out FB, which stands true for all of your advices in the ILs.
    Absolutely, I know of those parties and I have seen those men/women you are referring to...a coy look, a curled up smile or very demure double meaning compliments...enough to get anyone’s hunger pangs burst into flames.


    Depends on the situation you are refering to. In our college there was an extremely pretty girl, she just couldn't talk to any boy without blushing (I give her the benefit of the doubt since she was very light skinned.)...but then she used to add her killer giggle and awesome vibes while talking to some "specific boys"....In the freshman/Sophomore year, she had a good fan following, by the end of the Sophomore year most seniors realized that it was just her way of remaining attracted and they all moved forward. In the junior (3rd) year a poor scholarly "nerd" got all carried away with her coys and glitter. He was a close friend of mine and I did warn him....he possibly thought that I was jealous (or that I had a secret crush on him..lol) and din't heed to my alarm bells. I knew this poor soul was being used for his study notes and intellect, so I spoke to her and I told her to stop being what she was...to what she just smiled....months passed...it was during the first day of internship that she came in and distributed her wedding invite...... this poor boy was in tears...a friend of mine and myself, took her to task. This was what she blabbered..."what the hell??? did I tell him I had feelings for him, did I write letters, hold hands or give him cards"???....we just had a few cups of coffee in the canteen...is that my problem he misunderstood it for love?"
    What could we say? was there any point in even trying to say something? She seemed totally unaffected. That very night this boy attempted suicide in the boys hostel, his parents were informed, he went into rehab......skipped his intern (which he completed after his rehab.) He is still unmarried, being the smarty pie he was, he is going great guns career wise....what will you call it miscommunication?...misreading or plain stupidity ( from a great guy who was never stupid)?
    I had this painful story in mind when I wrote the above.
    We may be addressed as "sweety", honey etc. etc., more so when you work with westerners.....thats not the point...its the ambiance, feelings with which we express. I have trained myself to say a perfect "love you xyz, u r such a darling" without the other person misunderstanding my intentions at all.
    I have coffee/lunch with many male collegues, we share jokes and shake hands...I am not a conventional nor a conformist...but I make sure that no action of mine sents false messages across !
    Mega

     
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  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Mega,

    A very insightful analysis of a very difficult concept. Hats off to you for the finesse with which you have accomplished this. It is an excellent guideline for people to be able to differentiate between cultural nuances and body language which could often be misunderstood. :-D Really have nothing more to add besides nodding my head vigorously. Ouch my neck hurts. :rotfl
     
  10. Megalife

    Megalife Platinum IL'ite

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    Dearest Stachi
    Can I thank you enough for coming in and giving me your most valuable feed back???...does mean a lot. Also this shows that you are springing back to form which gives me immense joy.
    Please get well soon, come back to perfect health, there are lot of threads awaiting your legendary feedback!
    Take care buddy!
     

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