Kindly suggest the best option !

smartgirl83 · Apr 13, 2012

Dear All,

I am married for 6 yrs now , i have a wonderful family here my DH anD my 5yrs old son, they are my world. I stay in AP and my inlaws are in Delhi.We have been staying in AP since we got married ,since my husband's job was here..we struggled every moment here to establish our selves...right from a mattress to a house and a car and parenting and leaving my baby with day care centres have been really tough for both of us. My inlaws have been very good to me interms of motivating me and helping my family emotionally....and till date we have a wonderful relationship.
My issue is during this span of 6 yrs i went through real tough stages and made my life a better one...my DH supported me in every aspect...we both literally slogged and gave our kid what is necessary.
Now my inlaws wants us to shift to their place...sometimes i feel it is actually correct to shift now...becoz my DH is their only son....but here the problem arises n thi 6 yrs we have compromised interms of money and luxuries but have given each other the best of emotional and mental support...!
Now we have a fantastic social and personal life in this city...and one thing that always pinches me is they could have definately helped us through our initial days....only offering support over the phone is not adequate in 5 days on my newly married life i started work to support my family....my husband literally dreamt of smaller things as small as a TV.
After such a struggle , we have come to a stage where we can enjoy our lives.
In fact all through my marital life , i never argued or fought with anyone...becoz i always felt my strengths and my husband's support will take me to a stage where i could live comfortably...for ur information my inlaws are filthy rich but never offered a penny ....infact they wanted us to fight for our existence everyday....and live our living.
Now i want a sincere suggestion on what shuld i do
1) Leave my wonderful self made life here and shift to inlaws place?
2) Stay here and have a healthy realtionship with them.

I have a sil who is good maintains a healthy realtionship...but gets a lot of support from my inlaws...and i absolutely have no issues with it....afterall she is their daughter and she needs them.

Sometimes my DH cries and argues with me to get shifted to my inlaws house... he says my son needs their grandparents and their love.

My inlaws wants us to shift here but they wants us to shift with best package...sometimes my husband tells them that he as a opening with a lesser package they say that u shud shift here with the same or more perks.

Kinsly suggest....!

Regards.
JC

Hyral · Apr 13, 2012

Better to stay alone....I live in joint family no serious issues with MIL but yeah being mom she is very possessive of my DH and so is my DH , he feels that he should consult for small to bigs things to his mom only even if its about me and him only he might not discuss with me....he is mumma's boy...make sure t hat doesnt happen with you...instead u can suggest ur DH that u can go to in-laws place for vacation and regarding ur son well he can go to in-laws place alone for long vacation once he is big enough to travel or stay alone......I feel to live alone w/o in-laws is best...there u will have to follow her instructions....

smartgirl83 · Apr 13, 2012

Thanks a ton Hyral for ur kind suggestion !

ssm014 · Apr 13, 2012

why not your ILs shift to your city.

Megalife · Apr 13, 2012

Dear smart gal
You PILs are v. wise, they let you find the way about life in ur own terms....this made you stronger, tougher and cozy with each other as husband and wife . On your part you have been a great DIL, trying to build your nest the way you have always dreamt of. HaTz ofF to all of you.
Logically speaking , your dh is the only son.....so whatever his parents have will eventual be his. So all they wanted was for you to be independent with your lives.
But all taken, I would advice you to still stay as a nuclear family and make frequent trips to your PILs, specially when they need you. Familiarity breeds contempt....believe me !
So far you have been a good family, let things remain so.
Mega

roopanair123 · Apr 13, 2012

very well said..

Megalife said: ↑

Dear smart gal
You PILs are v. wise, they let you find the way about life in ur own terms....this made you stronger, tougher and cozy with each other as husband and wife . On your part you have been a great DIL, trying to build your nest the way you have always dreamt of. HaTz of to all of you.
Logically speaking , your dh is the only son.....so whatever his parents have will eventual be his. So all they wanted was for you to be independent with your lives.
But all taken, I would advice you to still stay as a nuclear family and make frequent trips to your PILs, specially when they need you. Familiarity breeds contempt....believe me !
So far you have been a good family, let things remain so.
Mega
Click to expand...

shyamalajh · Apr 13, 2012

I completely agree with what Megalife said. If your hubby insists, move to MIL's city, but stay separately closer to them. That way your son can visit them on week ends, etc.

smartgirl83 · Apr 16, 2012

Thanks Megalife.........i want to continue the best of relationship with my Inlaws.....becoz they have supported me not interms of money but emotionally.........that i truely respect.

I dont want a family drama of my husband getting pissed off whether he shud follow his mother or wife, instead me handling things in a positive way and nurture our relations even better than they are..

Afterall ....my husband reflects his parents....he is been in arms of a queen and hence treating his wife in a similar manner.

Will increase on my trips to MIL's.
Regards,

satchitananda · Apr 16, 2012

Hi Smartgirl,

Like others have said, visit your pil off and on. Even now you could drop your son for his holidays with them and bring him back when they have had enough of him.

As for you not wanting to shift out of your place, you can keep telling your pil that your dh has got a job but with lesser package/perks. On those grounds just stay put. Only issue would be convincing your dh. If he is so keen to be closer to his parents, get them to your city. Otherwise, like everyone has been saying, best to stay independently.

raji2678 · Apr 16, 2012

I am unable to advise on whether or not you should shift, but one thing..you in-laws have done really well by allowing you to struggle in life. You have achieved the self-confidence and skills needed for a happy life. But one thing..visit them often.