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Kids want more than I can afford!

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by uma, Jul 31, 2005.

  1. uma

    uma Senior IL'ite

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    Friends,

    My two kids always wants to do more than I can afford, be it clothes or food or anything. Many times I have to say "NO", which is frustrating to both my daughters and me.

    I am sure most mothers here have faced similar situations before. Can you please share, how you handled it? In parenting, we can't learn from self-experience because this is the first time we are doing it....and we get to do it only once. Please share any tips and tricks!

    Thanks.
     
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  2. poorva

    poorva New IL'ite

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    taking and explaining helps in my case

    I always talk to my daughter about money and earning and the way I am thinking while making the decisions when it comes to money. Like I tell her where I go to work, what I do to earn money and how hard I work to earn money. Also I always try to make this point that we can buy everything from the market but we don't because we buy those things which we need and the things which will suffice their purpose. I make her aware that Mamma never thinks about money when it comes to her school, her toys, her books but we have to think about expenditure limits for less important and less used things like TV, bedding, home furnishings etc.
    The examples I am using here are just for our family, it might not be same for yours but my point is explaining my thoughts to her has helped me a lot in problems like the one you describing. She understands our saying NO, if not she asks for the reason and many times she volunteers her help. She is 3 with no sibling. One more thing we follow, if I am saying No to her for something, her father or no family member says yes though they feel like. This is true for everybody in the family.
    I hope my long paragraph helps!
    Good Luck!
     
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  3. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    kids want more.........

    Hi Uma,

    I absolutely agree with Poorva. I did the samething. But u must understand it takes a while for the kids to understand what we say. Just repeat things twice, thrice for them to understand. Once they get into the groove, they'll start asking questions about why we work, and etc.

    My daughter thought anyone with a plastic card (Debit, Credit cards) can draw unlimited money and don't have to repay. So she had this argument that I had the card so I must just draw the money and spend.

    One day I explained her (as simply as possible) about how the card system works. I still don't know how much she understood but I'm surprised that after that session on cards she always asks me if I've got my cheque and if I can spend some money on her.

    I allot only certain amt for clothes, centain amt for gifts, toys, etc. so she knows her limit and whenever she wants something she'll come and whisper if I've enough to buy something for her. I'm happy atleast she doesn't act stubborn or adamant like b4. She's changed for good.


    Meena :-D
    SMILES GO MILES

     
  4. madhu_cute

    madhu_cute Junior IL'ite

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    Talk to them, they will understand!

    Uma,

    I'm sure you already have started talking to your kids as suggested by Poorva and Meena. Yes, these days kids are very smart, they are willing to understand things if given a reasonable explanation, than simply saying a 'NO'.

    I know one of my uncle, when he grew up his kids, used to buy them everything, but will tell them to ask themselves whether that was an essential buy at that point of time. He used to tell them, 'today by God's grace I have enough money to buy you all whatever you ask. But tomorrow things might change. At that point of time, I don't want to hurt you all by saying a big 'NO' due to lack of money. Now, if we are going to think about buying only essential things, we can save for the future and also you all can learn to be content with essential things'.

    Sometimes we think it is too much to explain to kids and we just say a 'NO'. But I think talking to them will help them understand and they will not get frustrated later when you say 'no' to non-essential things.
     
  5. sheetal

    sheetal New IL'ite

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    Read this recently!

    I was casually browsing the net the other day and found this article to be very useful. The kid in this article wants to do more summer camps than his parents could afford. The mother follows a technique that makes the kid decide for himself which of the ones he should go, than forcing a "NO" on him. Father narrates the incident. Excerpts...

    "….Amy started running down the list of activities my son wants to pursue this summer, I realized we had to rein him in, partly for the cost, partly for his own stress level and partly for our stress level as a family.

    Amy had already reached that point, and she had a plan. She sat down with our son and listed for him all the camps he said he wanted to attend. She showed him how dates for some of the camps conflicted with others, making it an either-or choice for him. Then, she showed him that if he signs up for so many camps, he won't have time to spend with Mom and Dad, his grandparents or his neighborhood friends who aren't going to camp. Finally, she asked him, "It would be nice if you also had a break so that we can take a family vacation to the beach, don't you think?"

    I liked her approach -- giving him the tools to decide for himself that what he wants is too much. As a kid, hearing your parents tell you no to something that isn't going to hurt you and that you really want to do leaves you feeling disappointed and frustrated. But when you're charged with making that decision yourself, you feel better about having to turn down A because you realize B is more important to you.

    With Amy's guidance, our son ultimately chose the few camps that meant the most: astronomy, soccer and baseball (along with the reading and math, which weren't up for discussion). Moreover, he realized that half-day camps would serve him better than the full-day option, since it gave him more playtime with his buddies at the pond near our home."

    Sheetal
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