1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Kids sleeping in bed with parents?!

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by sheeba, May 26, 2006.

  1. sheeba

    sheeba Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    I have a 5 year old boy and I have not thought about this as long as we were in India. Having moved to the US, I have come across this both in Indian families as well as American families that they make their kids sleep separately in a room.

    I always have this question at what age of the kids we should be doing it?

    In the case of many American friends, I have seen they make the kid sleep with them in their room but separately in a bassinet / crib when they are few months baby. Later move their crib or put them in a toddler bed in a separate room. In the case of few Indian friends here, till the kids are a year old, they are in their own room in the same bed, later moved to a separate room, especially when they have more than one kid.

    Now, one of my friend is carrying and will be delivering soon. She is also talking about whether to make her baby sleep separately or in their bed?

    I thought of posting this question here and getting the opinions of experienced mothers here. Please share your opinions and suggestions here and that will really help us decide.

    Warm wishes,
    Sheeba
     
    Loading...

  2. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,124
    Likes Received:
    226
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    asians r different in bringing up their kids.....

    dear sheeba,
    asians r different in bringing up their kids ....and as u will notice the bondage is also more....so it is better to have the kids with u until they feel suffocated may be around 6 or 7 they feel they want a room of their own..to study and lights for that and all...many personal items given in the room....like a mirror and push ups and so on...give them the time to feel secure....the children in america find it difficult to bond with their parents though they hug and kiss and all that when they meet but am afraid i am not aware of their close relationship......so this is my view point...regards sunkan
     
  3. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,610
    Likes Received:
    79
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Female
    Sundari is right!

    Dear Sheeba

    I feel Sundari is right.My son (3 1/2 yrs) still sleeps with us only.I don't find anything wrong.In India,nobody even thinks of this but once you come here,this is one of the first things that hit you.Remember Micheal Jackson's trial,some child shared his bed and that became an issue.Whether he molested that child or not is another matter but the main issue was that how could he share a bed with a child.Americans think that way.We cannot blame them because that is the culture here. Children are made to sleep in their own rooms at a very young age and that is also one of the reasons for them not having a close bondage with their parents.

    A few months after we moved here,one of our relatives came visiting with his bachelor friend(who is a Fiji Indian and has been brought up entirely in the U.S).He wanted to look around our house.When he saw our bedroom(we have a bed with a stand where we have arranged all my son's soft toys),he assumed it was our son's room and said 'Oh,so he sleeps here and you sleep in the other room?'. My husband took time to explain to him that Indian way of bringing up a baby is very different from that of the American way and that in India,you will find the child sleeping with the parents even when the child is very old.

    Frankly,I don't think this is an issue at all.It is only because we are here that we even tend to think about this.As Sundari said,the close relationship and bondage that we have in our Indian families is because we do not separate our children from us when they are very young.

    When we have more than one kid,then it becomes a necessity more than a rule to put the children in a different room because of space issues.Once the kids are big enough,I think they can be moved to a different room.
     
  4. varshini

    varshini New IL'ite

    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    What about physical relationship with your husband?

    Hi Sunitha,

    Thanks for your detailed response. I don't want to sound desperate, but have a question that I want to ask frankly. With your suggestion, how should we manage sex? With a baby sleeping along with us, can't imagine how this will work out?

    In the first couple of years, babies are not aware of their surroundings and hence if you can physically manage it, then it is fine. However, once the kid becomes 3 or 4, it becomes pretty conscious. Even if they don't fully grasp what's going on, there is high chance that they might observe this and say something in the front of others and thoroughly embarass us.

    I really want to have my kid sleep with me, but wondering about these practical aspects as well.

    Varshini
     
  5. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,024
    Likes Received:
    489
    Trophy Points:
    190
    Gender:
    Female
    Very tricky

    Hai,
    It is a very tricky situation. Indian family was a joint one, the children always used to sleep with their grandparents or other family members.When the family started to shrink, the children were made to sleep with their parents. Most of the children are always scared of the dark and they used to feel secure only when some adult was near.
    From what I have heard about from elders, the physical relation between the couple used to be for a few minutes only. Most of them never even talked each other in front of others even after many years marriage.
    My son is epilaptic and he used to get the attacks in sleep. So I always put him near me. Now that he does not get the attack but still he sleeps on the same cot. He feels left out if I ask him to be alone. And my hubby works in shifts, so we adjust about our relationship. I don't want my son to feel lonely, he will feel insecure. It is better that we can adjust.
    And one thing, Indian parents are PARENTS first once they have a child and spouses later. Their children come first.
    But now the scene is changing and with nuclear families, people who could afford are giving separate rooms for the children when they are around 7 to 8 years old.
    Once we try to make a child independent, he does not always listen to us. They sometimes become rebellious also. Indians expect their children to be answerable to them always. So they do not mind such problems.
    You cannot have the cake and eat it too.
    With warm wishes,
    varloo
     
  6. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,124
    Likes Received:
    226
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    dear varshini,
    many and many families i have known and me also had fun when they r not in the vicinity....that way u r also free in mind..and the fun is even more...u satisfy both the needs ..because u want ur child's security at heart and ur enjoyment also at heart....but enjoyment also can be varied but if u loose ur child's heart to u then all is lost in this world....sorry this is my statement....a mother is always more cautious than a wife....regards sunkan
     

Share This Page