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Kiddie stories – The Bum Factory

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Apr 21, 2011.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Kiddie stories – The Bum Factory



    This was one I spun out of the blue, and put in some characters whom I wanted to get even with, the identity known only to me.Here goes.

    The idea came from jaipur Foot, if a foot can be replaced, so can a Bum, it can happen, cant it ?


    Seema. My daughter her school friend Anita was crossing the road one day, when her one bum slipped off, and fell on the road.Before she could recover it, a car ran over it crushing her fallen Bum to smithereens. She started to cry, and was very embarrassed, next day when she came to school, Seema saw that her trousers were illfitting from the back, and Anita told her the truth.


    Seema immediately to do something about it, and told me, papa, give me some money , I want to start a Bum Factory. So I gave her some money, and garage space, and after school she started to make Bums.


    First she made one of wood , collected from our lawn tree, but it was too hard for Anita, for it would pain her to sit.


    Then she made one from plastic, and filled in air , but the girls in the class poked a pin and phussss it burst.


    Then she used some dead animal’s skin,and put some grass in it to fill it up. It looked natural and nice, but one day a goat smelled a rat, sorry grass, and quietly came up from behind and ate her bum and the grass in it. So this was soon abandoned.


    Next she tried a rubber one, which was pretty good, she coloured it skin colour, and it was comfortable for Anita. The only problem was , if she sat hard on the bench or sofa, she would bounce up like a ball, and hit her head on the ceiling.


    Well all these problems were soon solved, and she had the perfect bums for one and all.She became famous all over the world, with people from everywhere coming to get a Bum, and u would see dozens of men and women ready to bare their backsides for her to take measurements.

    She took a patent, and became a very rich Girl, and I could now live my retirement in Drinking and blogging for ever !!!

    Here I would add the names of those people I did not like in real life, and make them lose their bums, so tht they would come to me, shamefacedly to show me their backsides, and I would take revenge on them by first giving them the wrong bums, and later rectifying them.


    Chaggu and Mangu Visit Babaji ( Harsha’s Guru)


    Changu and Mangu were vegetarian as monkeys usually are, so one day they thought , why not visit Harsha’s Guru, a Sikh, at his abode and take his blessing, and take his NAAM, and be his disciples.


    One day they ran away from home, without telling Dadiji, and after a lot of hitchhiking reached the town X where Babaji stays. They went from tree to tree, and found out from other monkeys about where Babaji stays, and came to the watchman, who refused to let them in, saying Babaji sees humans and not monkeys.


    Chagu and Mangu were very sad, but then they climbed the tree which was in Babaji’s compound, and went right up from where they peeped into Babaji’s bedroom. Babaji was in deep trance, praying, but monkeys don’t know this, they entered from the window, and went close to Babaji, rather too close, and bowed down to him.


    Babaji woke up with a start, and his meditation broken, was very angry, and his third eye opened spewing fire and brimstone, seeing that CM started to run here and there, with the third eye following them, but missing them by inches, till the whole room was in ashes.


    CM cried and told Babaji to stop, that they had no bad intentions, and explained from how far they had come for his Darshan, and this was the least they expected reception .


    Babaji realized the innocence of these poor monkeys, and forgave and blessed them, and gave them lots of bananas to eat. And CM too went from tree to tree, and got Babaji the choicest of the fresh fruits, with love and affection.


    Babaji blessed them that in the next birth u guys will become Kamalji !!! And gave them money and told them to go back to Dadimaa, who is missing them badly, which they did with a heavy heart, but Babaji promised them that the next time he holds a satsang in Jaipur, he will call them, and give them VIP passes so they can sit in the front row and listen to his satsangs !!!!!

    ( This is one story both loved very much, and I am editing a part which if harsha feels will be offended, but my daughters know about it, no not vulgar in anyway, but we leave it at that)





    I can change stories for today’s kids , like

    Chagu and Mangu slyly go into a cyber café, and use face book to talk to his cousins in Amazons, discovering his ancestors, and seeing them face to face, chatting with them,
    Chatting with them on blackberry, which they steal at night of a businessman, andmorning keep it back at its own place etc


    Chagu and Mangu go to an IPL match where a six is hit, and they catch the ball when it lands in their tree and run away, till all the balls in the match are stolen , no balls left, match abandoned due to lack of balls.The match Refree tells the Captians, you guys have no Balls ! meaning no balls left toplay with.


    Of CM learning to play cricket, and wanting to take part in the Indian team, which refuses, and they go to the Supreme court to say where is it written that monkeys cant play cricket, and they argue that as it is there are so many monkeys playing cricket these days ( Symonds is one, certified by Bhajji), so if Symonds can, so can they !


    Supreme court judges in a fix, for CM cant even wear the uniforms, there are no pads and gloves their size, and so many complications arise, but supreme court ultimately allows them to play.

    And the way they play cricket is just not cricket . For the whole stadium is filled with monkeys from across the globe who fill the stands, withoutpaying for the tickets, they jump from the trees into the stadium, and if any guard tells them to get out, they show their teeth, the guards run away from their jobs.


    And the monkeys raid the kictchen, and finish all the beer and the bananas, and throw the peels on the stadium, so the cricketer who is about the catch Chagu’s shot, slips and falls down, match is abandoned !!!


    Imagine a hundred thousand monkeys cheering the Indian team, and booing the foreign teams eh !

    How’s that !!!!!!

    Crazy is it not. But I have a feeling I can make a monkey of the kids with these stupid stories, bcs the settings are current, the IPL, face books and all that.HAHA


    KAMAL MAHTANI
     
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  2. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    dear kamalji,

    you sure have a WILD IMAGINATION and obviously a LOT of time.
    yes, i can imagine kids listening intently to this and laughing their heads off.:)
     
  3. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mindi,

    thanks for the first FB, and a good one at taht.WEll i do have time on my hands, and yes my daughters did enjoy my stories, and i had to keep creating new ones, for their appetite was never ending.:biglaugh

    Regards

    kamal
     
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamalji,

    Wonderful stories and I must say your children were blessed to have a dad who manufactured not only bums but also stories on the hour, every hour :biglaugh:biglaugh. Your wife must not have had any problem managing them. They must have been busy all the time listening to your stories :thumbsup:thumbsup.
     
  5. iluvpeace

    iluvpeace Senior IL'ite

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    Dear K-g :)


    You were kind enough to rectify the wrong bums,if it was me,I would give them the wrong ones every time,make them go crazy,till they realize it was not an other April Fool Day.


    Pinky
     
  6. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear SAtchi,

    Well they used to come from school at 2 pm, when we used to have lunch together, as my office is upstairs, and Tomand Jerry cartoons too used to come at 2, so for one hour lunch and cartoons, then they would tell me stories of their teachers, who wopre what funny flothes, and it was a lot of fun, till the call came from the office to come up, andi would leave relucantly.

    And at night they would pester me for stories, which i would have made up by then.

    so how could tehy be to any mischief, as i used to teach them too , maths physics and chemistry, so i was all in one:biglaugh

    thanks for the lovely FB Satchi, u made my day.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  7. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    dear Pinky,

    HAHA.that was one hell of a smart reply.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal
     
  8. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Bum factory eh! You have a Roald Dahlian talent to come up with weird stories. BTW is Babaji (Your DW's guru on your hate list too?)
     
  9. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Kamalji..
    you will be a craze... try and put your thoughts together and I'm sure you can write the most hilarious kid stories... I wish my son was younger.. loved each and every one... by the way I think you did write the bum factory story before.. (i will never forget such bizarre stories!!)
    K
     

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