Just an observation

I think a dominating daughter grows up to be a dominating wife who in turn becomes a dominating dil, gives birth to a kid and becomes a dominating mom, and eventually many years down the line...reaches final status as dominating mil.

As for men, I think they should realize that when they get married, it's time to start respecting the wife too and be a united front. I feel there shouldn't be any 'stuck in the middle' stuff, because I believe a husband's place is by his wife's side, and vice versa. It seems that when parents/inlaws see a crack in the couple, they often swoop in and exploit it. So, best is to work as a team so there aren't any cracks in the relationship which can be taken advantage of by others. If I look back to when my mil was able to be her most interfering and baddest, it was when me and my dh were fighting with each other. Now that me and my dh are on good terms, she doesn't meddle. So I think with parents/inlaws they are like sharks in the water sometime, and the minute they smell blood in the water, it turns into a frenzy with the couple being pulled in a million directions. If there is one thing me and my dh have learned, it's to NEVER share our problems with parents/inlaws.

Me and my inlaws have fully adjusted to each other now and get along well. So I think maybe time is key too. I have known my inlaws for nearly 6 years now, and we have only JUST gotten to the point where we call each other 'just to say hi' and share news and stories. It's ok, it was worth the wait, but I think as a newlywed the initial adjusting period feels like a daunting task. I'm settled in my married life now, so making a few adjustments for my inlaws is not hard for me. But as a newlywed, you aren't just adjusting to inlaws... you are adjusting to married life, new husband, new brother/sister in law, new home, etc. It's a lot to handle! It's easy to tell someone to adjust, but it's a lot harder to actually do it!

 

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The thing is nobody likes to be dominated. These days when a girl gets married, she is quite mature and has already developed an identity of her own and lets face it she much more educated than her MIL. You cannot expect an independent grown up woman to happily let someone dominate her. So, it's up to the MIL to treat her DIL as an equal individual and not an inferior being.Usually, in Indian families, the son and DIL don't confront the parents out of respect and this results in resentment and confusion. This also let parents take undue advantage of son/DIL.

You are right, when ILs are visiting, some adjusting will need to be done to accommodate them. But usually ILs stay on for months and the temporary adjustments begin to get tiresome and the DIL start to crave for her normal life.

Why is it, that if the ILs are not committing physical or mental abuse, they are alright. Would you say the same, if the ILs were at the recieving end? If the DIL is not physical or mentally abusing the ILs, but just being mean, she is alright?

I am just expressing my point of view, nothing personal here. But I really think each individual needs to treat each other as equal. As long as men and their parents would wish to dominate their wives, clashes are going to happen.