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Judgment

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by satchitananda, Mar 5, 2018.

  1. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I just watched a short Marathi film about the life of an elderly lady who lives alone. Her grandson comes to visit her. The grandson is quite fond of his grandmother, but being young, he has his own interests and listens only halfheartedly to his grand-mom and her memories. The message I got was the need to spend more quality time with elders. Nothing wrong with that. Definitely it would be good if all of us could do that. My question was 'is it possible for everybody to listen with keen interest to everything the elderly have to narrate, especially young people in their teens?'

    Young kids may love sitting with grandparents and listen to the stories they have to narrate. Teenagers and tweenies have loads to occupy their minds, what with a never ending stream of impulses from the outside world. As if all that were not enough, they have to keep up with their work and the competitive needs to be fulfilled to get on in life. Can we really judge or blame them if they are distracted even when they are with their elderly parents/grandparents? The needs and realities of each age group are different. How much easier life would be if each of us could understand this and lower our expectations and demands on others.
     
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  2. knbg

    knbg Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Again what a timing buddy...
    Dad is here and G and dad who used to be so close are a little distant now..but luckily dad being an understanding person, is tactful in his interactions...G too keeps specific time for his one to one with grandpa...so the balance is there...and I am surprised that I am not messing up things by poking my nose either...no mean fete for me, you know...! Lol
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    LOL Bhargs. Good approach. Leave them to one another and let them find their own equations. :)
     
    nandinimithun and GeetaKashyap like this.
  4. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    Today's world is fast moving and hence kids these days are very fast, demand new gadgets ,learn quickly.But our elders are definitely slower compared to these kids.When they repeat the same stories over and over again,these kids definitely become impatient because that the kind of exposure they have now. Also as you mentioned in the competitive world, the expectations from kids is very very high.

    So I feel situations today are making the grandparents and kids more and more distant. No point in blaming in kid's attitude.

    It is a sad irony that most advancements in the world and technology is only making individuals more and more lonely as they age. They miss the human communication especially when they have a lot of free time these days with gadgets getting work done in less time.Sorry for diverting the topic..Just felt like sharing.
     
  5. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Satchi,

    This is the reality, can't blame anyone. Leave alone kids, even the older adults (40-60) are addicted to their mobiles and their parents(80+) complain that their own children don't listen to them! So expecting the younger generation to be attentive to older persons is not right, But if they can give little respect and attention to the elders, they can magically remove the sense of redundancy that plagues the older people. Well, everyone must reduce their expectations!
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2018
  6. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I remember when I was teenager, I loved hanging around my aunts and grandparents, listening to their gossip and discussions of family history (scandalous or not). But as i get older, I have my own stresses and stuff, I can hardly care to listen anymore. As my own grandmother is aging, she is less able to tell me the stories of her youth (stories that I really enjoyed). Her heart is more fixated on the current stresses (grandchild not getting married, none of her sisters have time for her, the children are too loud, etc), and it's tough to be patient for very long. My male cousins are far worse, and their only real connection is through food. If this is already an issue with my generation, I can hardly blame the younger children.

    There is far too little commonality between the tween/teenagers and elderly populations. It's not the fault of either group, its just that communication has changed greatly, and gossiping about family members and talking about religious customs are not interesting to the young crowd. Some children and elders have the patience to get down to each other's level, and communicate, but in the age of instant gratification - these instances are far and few in between.
     
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  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Can we blame the younger generation? Certainly not. But can we still teach ourselves to be more empathetic and kind ? Can we slow down just a little bit ?Absolutely. DS1 is my dads first grandchild. The bond between them is very special. When DS was little and appa had a lot more energy he would spend hours chatting with thatha listening to all stories from my dads childhood ,India before Independence ,or walking to the park or playing scrabble. Now with DS in high school they don't get to see each other that often . I was worried when I went home this summer with DS1. Would appa miss the grandson he used to have? Will DS1 find appa a boring old senile man ? Can I bear to see the hurt in appas eyes? Is it fair for me to thrust the company of 80+ old man onto a 16hr old? Oh I should have known better. DS and appa both people of few words taught me something. Words are overrated. DS1 would bring his laptop sit next to thatha and work on his stuff and thatha just content with his grandsons presence would bask in the joy and read his Hindu paper /books /watch politics on his tab. He even pulled his easy chair and took naps right next to him. Very few words were exchanged. It was just beautiful to watch. Every once in a rare while dad would regale DS with the latest indian political drama and DS would explain something from his school/project he is working on or teach him to use his Ipad better . Neither probably understanding the other fully. It didn't matter .But there they were ...spending hours in each others company. Appa missed DS1 terribly when he had to return. Amma told me he would sit in the same spot where DS1 used to sit and refuse to move for hours. DS1 cried like a baby on the flight back. It was heart breaking and joyful all at once.
    Having varied interests/ growing up all that is fine...all it takes is a little understanding from both sides. Sunset years don't have to be lonely or painful.
    Very nice snippet Satchi ..an issue very close to my heart!
     
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  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Very true, Sri, but there is one more factor. The nature of the individuals concerned is also important. Take the example of a very positive grandparent and a friendly, curious youngster who loves to listen to people talk. Obviously the two would jell very well. Let there be a negativity on one side or an introverted nature on the other, it is not going to work. Obviously, no kid, no matter how friendly would want to listen to a crabby grandparent. High demands and expectations can ruin any possibility of a loving, caring relationship.
     
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  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Definitely respect and attention to elders is something that everyone should have. However every relationship being two sided, there are many factors that would play a role in the equation. Past, present interactions would also influence today's equations.
     
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  10. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Very true, Bhumi. Individual personalities, interests, way of relating to others all play a very important role in such equations.
     
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