Joint Family

Friends : I am writing this for a special request from my son. He is very fascinated on this topic and would love to hear more. Please do share your experiences too and make this more memorable to read and learn.


A Hindu Joint Family is an extended family arrangement prevalent among Hindus of the Indian subcontinent, consisting of many generations living under the same roof. All the male members are blood relatives and all the women are either mothers, wives, unmarried daughters, or widowed relatives, all bound by the common sapinda relationship. The joint family status being the result of birth, possession of joint cord that knits the members of the family together is not property but the relationship. The family is headed by a patriarch, usually the oldest male, who makes decisions on economic and social matters on behalf of the entire family. The patriarch's wife generally exerts control over the kitchen, child rearing and minor religious practices. All money goes to the common kitty and all property is held jointly.
A daughter cannot remain the member of her father’s family after her marriage and the sisters, though they were once entitled to a share in the property, would lose their right and would be entitled to only maintenance until their marriage and their marriage expenses. A joint family may consist of a single male member and widows of the deceased male members and the property of the family does not cease to belong to the joint family merely because the family is represented by a single coparcener who possesses rights which an absolute owner of the property may possess. (Source Wikipedia)
The earliest I can remember of a joint family was when my paternal grand father passed away and my grandmother came to live with us. As she was the eldest of 12 siblings, we had an eternal flow of cousins, uncles and aunts come to our house. And most of them did stay for atleast a few days at a time.
Most of the big decisions were always consulted with grandmother before it was confirmed. It was more seen on issues like marraiges. As soon as a horoscope is matched , uncles and aunts would start trickling in. This could be due to the fact that we did not have telephones at the time. And imagine how many people would go see the "girl". And even more imagine the heated discussions ensuing after "girl seeing" visit. That would never cease and thats where grandmother and other elders stepped in to narrow down on selection. And making the decision.
I even remember very early how we used to buy big gunny bags of rice, wheat etc and then distribute between family and relatives. And ofcourse the appalams and vadams. My grandmother used to make such big batches of these wonder foods to share with all relatives. Some relatives would even contribute bags of chilli or even oil cans.
I even remember when my paternal grandfather passed away every ceremony associated was done at my place. Needless to say there used to be no place for me to sit and study.Most of these good relations did start to change when the children start to grow up. They would then question why their parent was referring to someone else's mom or dad and in this case reference to my grandmother ofcourse. And this would go even further when the kids started earning. The split between families would start to widen though the elders did keep in touch and they understood the changes. It really was a unique environment because the whole family does raise the child and the child gets the benefit of so many people around and so many cousins to fight and play with.
These days with small families being the norm, are our age old customs gone or dwindling away rapidly?

 

Even if you be the only to reply it is a GEM of a reply dear Sudha.. So very well put in words..thanks for sharing..

 

You have also written so well in your reply dear Sindhu.. Its an unique setting..even if there is disputes among elders or co sisters or sisters inlaw .. Thanks for writing here.

 

Thank You more for sharing here..dear Sundari.. why did they throw away the sour curds..we used to moorkuzhambu, or more famously "kalan".. my grandmas kalan is something to die for !! and oh I forgot to add grinding in the ammi or kaloral ...