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Joint family Problems

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kitty143, Jan 13, 2011.

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  1. Jan 13, 2011 #1
    kitty143

    kitty143 New IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies

    we got married like a year ago and my husband told me that theirs was a joint family. When he told me that.. I told him that I don't mind helping anyone .. but splitting property at the end of the day is not my piece of cake. He assured me that nothing of that sort will happen.. whenever we buy a property it will be in our name.

    Now my husband has a brother who works as a teacher in India and his wife also a teacher. My DH likes his bro very much.. he always tells me that he never wants to get separated and all and I also don't want him to be separated from his bro. I love my DH and want him to be happy. I told my DH that give all your property in india to your bro if you think he is earning less.. but idea of splitting everything.. whatever we earn in the whole lifetime is a very bad idea and I am not happy with it. He agreed with me about the whole point and then ended our discussion. He didn't talk anything about it to anyone.

    Immediately after we got married.. His brother brought a land with the money which my husband sent to india earlier, and kept the land in his name. He just told us that he is going for registering etc etc.. he tells everything to my DH..Anyway I did not bother much bcz it was brought with the money my DH sent them before marriage and I had no right to object... Now my Dh is planning to buy some apartment and he says that as beans are not yet spilled that properties will not be joint anymore.. what if his bro keeps the land on his name again without asking and my DH is like too shy or not so keen on asking to keep the property on his own name. he thinks if they ask then I can say yes keep it on my name... but what if they dont ask...

    I am very much worried about this. My husband says that I completely agree with you.. but I dont know how to tell them that properties will not be joint. I told him that there is no need for officially a split and we can help them with money when they need or for their son's education but buying properties jointly is not something which I can do happily.

    Ladies I really need your opinion on how to handle this without spoliling relationships

    My BIL and SIL are very good persons.. I dont want to hurt them either. It is just my little selfishness .. Please help
     
    kitty143, Jan 13, 2011
    kitty143, Jan 13, 2011
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  2. Jan 13, 2011 #2
    raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    If they are good people, have trust in them. They will not let you down. Remember that good relationship is much more valuable than money and properites. Of course, have some FDs in yor name as well.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2011
    raji2678, Jan 13, 2011
    raji2678, Jan 13, 2011
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  3. Jan 13, 2011 #3
    sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    You and your H could make it look like the property you are buying is an anniversary gift to each other and hence you wish to keep it on yours and your H's name. That way your H can just inform them that 'I want W's name to be on the property along with mine as its an anniversary gift'... that way your BIL will know that his name is not included.
     
    sita2223, Jan 13, 2011
    sita2223, Jan 13, 2011
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  4. Jan 13, 2011 #4
    hemalathaK

    hemalathaK Platinum IL'ite

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    You can ask your Dh to register that property in your name and tell his brother like it is a gift to you by your husband?Sita's idea is good.I think there is nothing to feel embaraced in this issue.Just go to India and simply inform them that you are going to register the property on this particular date and if they ask for more details then say it is going to be in your name.
     
    hemalathaK, Jan 13, 2011
    hemalathaK, Jan 13, 2011
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  5. Jan 14, 2011 #5
    Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    They are good isnt .. then they wouldnt mistake you or your hubby for having a property in both your names. It is understood that his brother is married now, so he will for sure understand the whys. Wont he ?

    Be practical Kitty.. it is not a big deal to have a property in your names. You dont have to sugar coat words nor be rude.. Just go ahead, buy property and tell them you registered in your names. Dont complicate it, then you will have to find ways again the next time. Afterall, your hubby would always send him money as and when he needs or otherwise isnt ?

    Ask your hubby to just look for a property and go ahead with the plans. He could always tell his brother about it. The registration can wait till you both go to India. Go ahead and register it. He is a good brother and wouldnt think anything otherwise, if he did, then probably you can tell him , you just wanted to register this in both your names. Why would he be upset ? Think about it. He shouldnt, if he is a nice guy. So, dont think too much and go ahead with your plans. If he was so adamant about joint properties, then, although it was his brother's money, he would've registered the land in both the names isnt ? So, maybe he is not going to react like how you or your hubby fear. Relax. Dont judge him unless something happens.

    Not doing anything when you can afford and ignoring siblings when they desperately need help, is selfishness, what you both feel a'int ! :thumbsup
     
    Drpreethis, Jan 14, 2011
    Drpreethis, Jan 14, 2011
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  6. Jan 14, 2011 #6
    kitty143

    kitty143 New IL'ite

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    Hey thanks to everyone who replied.. The main problem is we are not going to india in near future and my DH is not that comfortable asking his bro to send him the registration papers to sign, so that he can keep the property in his name... My husband says I dont want to look like small hearted person by asking that. He has done many things back before marriage like built a house in his home town for his parents..cleared debt worth of 15 lakhs and brought a car for his brother and brought some properties.. but ofcourse in my DH's terminology everything is done by brothers together. He says that's how it works in joint family.. eventhough one person earns less.. money goes into pool and its called together:crazy. I kinda agree with him.. but it seems weird..
    But when we discussed all these things before marriage.. My DH told me that he will sort things out and asked me not to worry.. But now he is having difficult time dealing with this issue. He tells me that during the difficult phase of their life" before marriage" they made promises that they will never get separated and everything will be together until they die.:bonk

    After I came to know about my BIL and SIL.. I was pleasantly surprised.. Eventhough I don't like everything about them.. I like them as persons and I know for sure that they are good persons. I don't wanna loose them as a family.
     
    kitty143, Jan 14, 2011
    kitty143, Jan 14, 2011
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  7. Jan 14, 2011 #7
    Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    If the whole situation is very uncomfortable,why in first place you need to buy property in India.You can think of as well buying house here right or something else right.
    How many brothers your husband had?
    or you guys haven't done anything after the marriage and you really don't know what's in your BIL's mind.Try to invest in small amount without worrying much and see how the registration goes and you would understand future dynamics.
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2011
    Priya16, Jan 14, 2011
    Priya16, Jan 14, 2011
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  8. Jan 14, 2011 #8
    kitty143

    kitty143 New IL'ite

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    We are not sure. if we will want to stay here permanently and buying a house in US is not an option right now. We don't even have kids and we are not yet sure in which city of US we will settle if we are settling here. So too many unknown parameters.

    He has just one brother. so they are 2 together. I understand all that my husband says.. but I put forward my conditions before marriage..and my husband agreed to them. He now says that "he thought these things would be easy to be handle.. but they seem, apparently not".

    I understand that this issue is very sensitive and don't know how to solve.
     
    kitty143, Jan 14, 2011
    kitty143, Jan 14, 2011
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  9. Jan 14, 2011 #9
    kitty143

    kitty143 New IL'ite

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    Guys please help....
     
    kitty143, Jan 14, 2011
    kitty143, Jan 14, 2011
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  10. Jan 14, 2011 #10
    ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Kitty,
    I understand that you and your H want to keep everything you aquire as a joint family with his brother because that's how your husband thinks he and his brother promised to eachother during rough times.
    Now, Didn't you say before your marriage your H had sent money for a property and his brother registered it with only his name and your H's name is not on the property right.
    If so than how is that property joint property? Its only your BIL's property. God forbid if something happens only your SIL and their kids will inherit it.
    Put this point to your H and also ask this question to yourself. You will come up with the right responsible answer with out feeling guilty.
    Good luck
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2011
    ars, Jan 14, 2011
    ars, Jan 14, 2011
    #10
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