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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by aksdxb, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. smprop1999

    smprop1999 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    I really feel sorry for you and your kids to go through this for 3+ years now..
    If what you are telling is the ABSOLUTE truth (dont get me wrong.. its hard for anyone to give a perfect picture without censor when discussing a issue involving them), then you are entitled to go with whatever your gut-feel says. It seems you have exhausted trying different options, adjusting, making numerous trips, doctor consultation etc..
    Still, its sad and unfortunate to realize that you are thinking back to Square-1.

    Some Questions to ask yourself (You dont have to answer, just answer your conscience):
    * DO YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE? (Dont smirk or weigh down this question.. may sound stupid.. dont get into defensive tone.. think about the time you both were together.. She gave you 2 lovely kids to cherish.. That shows she loves you, committed to form a family with you.. whatever be her mental issue.. A women will not usually do that without LOVE, that too bearing 3 kids (including the abortion).. You mentioned in your earlier post that physical intimacy was good.. so she was physically close to you as any good wife..)

    - Even if you have a slight hesitation in answering this question, SKIP rest of the questions and follow the points below:
    I would suggest you to clean up your ACT (bad habits), think MATURELY and ACT like a responsible Dad. Screw your UAE life (after 10+ years, if you are still meeting the ends, then you can lead a better life in India), get a nice job in India, think that you have 3 KIDS from now on.. 2 kids + 1 adult lovely kid to take care of.. YOUR KIDS will look upto you as GOD in future. Your wife will change in no time and respect your love for her.

    One more thing: Your wife doesnt have to be in good term with your parents (well, its an ideal expectation.. given her mental condition, be happy that if she is normal to you and kids.. thats a good start and realistic expectation.. with your understanding and love, you can mould her to however you want.. dont push for it.. she will resent them..)

    * ARE YOU READY FOR DIVORCE? REALLY??

    DIVORCE is certainly a solution for you, but not for your KIDS.. You were not able to manage your wife's medical issues when she was with you in UAE. Then how will you manage your kids? Its very difficult. NOBODY (including you) can take care of a child like her mother.. she is irreplaceable. Furthermore, don't make the sin of seperating kids from mother.. I went through this personally during my young age for a short period.. I KNOW THAT PAIN.. DUDE.. ITS TERRIBLE. It WILL AGGRAVATE her mental condition even more.

    IF YOU ARE telling that you will go to India and take care of your kids (or) get your parents to take care (or) marry a mother Teresa to take care of kids .. hear me LOUD.. BAD PLAN
    If you can go to India for your kids, then why cant you settle in India for your family?
    Ask yourself..
    Talk to your wife alone.. don't bring your parents or her parents into the EQUATION. I have read lot of threads where couples fight like cats & dogs for not getting along with in-laws.. what the crap? Did your wife marry your parents or YOU? Think objectively..

    DIVORCE is a temporary fix in your case.. After reading your 2 years long thread, there is a strong chance of you ending up miserable in your next relationship.. sorry for sounding negative.. its my point of view.. Who knows how will your future wife/partner be? What if you end up with someone who has EMA.. or bad character..? or someone who wants to marry you for money or UAE life..

    You can't predict things which are not in your control.

    all the best
    Hope to see a happy (smiley) post from you quite soon...
    Dont take short-cuts, you may seem to go faster, but will crash soon...
     
    2 people like this.
  2. aksdxb

    aksdxb New IL'ite

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    Hello everyone,

    Back again almost one year , I brought her with my kids and mother - in-law.
    I thought if her mother-in-law will stay for three months visit visa.She will be happy.
    After one month itself she started again.She is always rethink about the previous incidents and make problems at home in front her mother.I asked her mother,she is telling she is behaving the same way at home.Breaking house hold item and burning bed and comfort like that.And she is telling me to be patient she will be alright.I was thinking the same and try to stay calm.From her mom i cam to know she open our locker (joint account of us)and take gold to buy and replace TV,dining table Oven and somemany items and sold some gold .I never knew things and its all for mothers house.I just wonder.I always buy everything and do everything prior asking her.When ask her ,she is telling those gold are belog to her and thats her father gave her.

    After three months I asked her if you want go back with ur mother u can and stay in India.She agreed to stay back.I think her mother forced her stay her.After she left always problems at home.Not taking care of kids also.Whatever she thinks dont want that will throw to garbage .Even though when I came back from office I dont find my stuffs like shoes and she throw it garbage.I was really upset.Sometime fighting.i dont want to make big issues because i know her previous incidents and dont want make scene infront of my 2 kids.April my elder kids joint @school here.

    there several parks and neighbours just next door.She dont want to mingle with them and not intersted to out also.
    i ask her to meet and make friendship with next door my colllegues wife they are newly wed.She starts talking with her 2 three days later both of them are not talking to me or her.Later i came to know from my collegeus that she was explaing all the previous incidents to her and telling after three months we are going to indian and getting divorce.So that is the reason they afraid not making any contact with us.I wonder we never talk about getting divorce.
    Now i really upset things are more worster than all previous time.We are not talking each otherfor 2 months now.Doing our own business.Not staying same bedroom.She dont want to talk to me nor want touch her.all the attempts are failed now ,hopeless.

    I informed my parent and her parents they told just back next month to India and we will decide.I am still confused.She got different plan sometimes.Sometime telling she wanna go for study nursing,and stand own her income.Telling me I need divorce ,you can take kids .She telling ,she dont want spoil her life to look after the kids.they wont return anything they will go different ways when grow up.

    I got only two options either give again try for her to come back with me after vacation or divorce.Divorce I was thinking for long time.Its just because of kids I am very patient all these years.Now it high time.I cant expect anythink from her more she dont talk or explain anything to me.She just do whatever she wants.

    i was thinking if she is forcing me for divorce then I will go for that take care of kids.either let them stay with my parents and keep some care taker for them or else to bring the kids with me to UAE ,use baby sitter.

    Totally confused ,sleepless night and confused mind (almost sevn years now ) what to do???
     

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