I have always prided myself for being nutty as a fruitcake and firmly believed that my craziness accentuated my individuality. But alas , looks like I am not alone in my loonies club.A couple of recent incidents convinced me that the entire nation is going crazy.And at this rate I won’t be an individual who sticks out even if like a sore thumb but an undistinguished part of a m mad crowd. Thsse incidents show that madness is prevalent in the highest echelons of the government. You may wonder , how can I judge that the nation is going nuts by just two incidents. But you wouldn’t ask this question even if you had one ounce of Tamil blood running in your veins. For every Tamil knows the proverb:”Oru panai sotrrukku oru soru padam” But if your blood group is T negative (T for Tamil) and you bang your head against the wall over my spouting Tamil proverbs let me translate this. It means “ Even a single grain of rice will show whether all the rice in the pot is cooked or not”. And the two grains of rice, sorry the itwo incidents referred here, have lead me to conclude that the brains of the entire nation is getting cooked. First is the Election Commission order that all statues of elephants and Mayawati in Ulta sorry Uttar Pradesh must be covered with polythene or cloth in view of the forthcoming assembly elections in the state. No, the order for covering elephant statues is not because those doing the cover up job will go nuts deciding which is Mayawati’s statue and which is the elephant’s but because the pachyderm is the election symbol of her party. And the statues of both the state chief minister and her more comely party symbol would give her an unfair edge over rivals . .And so hapless government servants burnt midnight oil covering up the statues before the deadline set by the Commission. The incident shows that guys and gals in the commission need to get their heads examined. First elephant statues however covered aren’t going to look like horses. They’ll still look like elephants. And by the very covering people will recognize the statues as Mayawati’s. And it is damn unfair. If elephants are to be covered, how about the Congress symbol of hand.?Why has nothing been done to cover hands,? if it is fair enough EC should issue am order saying people should never display their hands or cover them with polythene or wear gloves. Going by the Commission’s brilliant logic for the elephants and Maya, if hands are covered they will not look like hands.. This of course will generate lot of employment for glove makers and polythene manufacturers will also make a killing.. Ain’t it a great idea sirjee? And parties have symbols like cycles and trucks too. Are we to ban use of cycles, trucks and buses too. We could be in danger of the Commission banning people riding bicycles, driving trucks or traveling in buses. The only way out is the commission, to be fair to all parties should issue a blanket ban on using human body parts or means of transport as election symbols. If not, the commission can at least desist from setting itself up as a rival for us poor humour writers by issuing such ROFL orders.. Well, we get the kind of netas and babus we deserve After all, these guys go from our ranks and file. . When the Aam Admi is goingf nuts, can the babus be far behind? Take this case. Recently My brother-in-law was driving from his south Delhi home to attend a concert in New Delhi with his two kids. And at one point, he was caught in a massive traffic jam that lasted a couple of hours and the poor chap missed the concert. The guilty party, it turned out, was the biennial Auto Expo being held in the Pragati Maidan exhibition ground . Visitors to the car fair jammed the roads during rush hour paralyzing traffic all over New Delhi in a cascading effect. Now, what is the USP of the expo that it attracted crowds so huge that someone described it as a Kumbh Mela? Are people in our great capital so crazy about cars?No siiree!!!!!!!!!! It is the girls. We are a city of oglers you see. In fact on that paparticular day when my BIL missed the concert over 100,000 people flooded the exhibition ground! Every pavilion was manned by stunning girls in scanty attire. In fact even local supplements of the Delhi papers jdged the quality of each pavilion by the style quotient of the girls and not by the vehicle display! So how can you blame people drooling all over with their eyes popping out taking over the exhibition ground. What is the way out of this impasse? What could be done to keep away the young, old and middle aged Romeos and ensure that only serious car lovers visit the expo? You may suggest that employ smart-looking men instead of the girls. And that will create its own problems. God forbid, but what if droves of girls looking for good looking dates, auntiejees in quest of elibible grooms for their daughters flood the exhibition venue? And let us not forget the city’s gay community, whiose number going by the annual Gay Pride march must be considerable. What if these guys flood the car pavilions? Figure yourself as one of those smart male staff at the pavilions. What will you do if you are surrounded by aunties asking “Beta, may I have your horoscope” and girls whispering:”Are you free this evening’ and some guys making passes and suggestive gestures at you? The whole place is going to look like shaadi.com meets Sodom and Gomorrah. The only way to maintain sanity in this case, that is if people are really interested in maintaining sanity in this insane world is to have the pavilions manned by grannies on the wrong side of seventies flashing toothless grins and obese men with their Safari suit buttons waiting to burst out. Sounds crazy? Well in that case go back to the first para. Did I ever say I was sane?