Is There Any Hope?

bruised234 · Feb 25, 2017

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rajatsingh · Feb 25, 2017

Sharvani said: ↑

I cant sleep at nights
.....cry a lot.

. I was disgnosed with moderate depression after post partum.
.
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No. Depression can't simply be willed away.

Please read the first post of the above thread slowly and twice.

You cry....and you are sleepless.

that may be due to your Depression. Please don't conclude, yourself, that your Depression is cured. Seek a professional psychiatrist's assistance.

Please do not defer meeting a Psychiatrist

Nonya · Feb 25, 2017

Stop harassing your husband. Depression in lonesome life is normal, and if you choose to foist that on your husband, you are adding more to feel depressed in the future.
Put on a happy face when your husband is home, when he goes to work, then feel depressed all you want. That is the way the older gen' had done it.

YoGirl · Feb 25, 2017

OP,
In love marriages we tend to compare pre marriage life and post marriage life and assume that it will b more or less same cuz its the same person.. but lot of things and ppl get added into the family mix up as you know.. as others suggested go to counsellor or read self help books... trust me, no one will understand you better than you urself.

Also, approach someone like ur parents,sis or friend who can feel for you and who can listen to you.. talk freely to them as to whats bothering you.. IMHO, you need to let out few things(like inner hatred, lonely feeling,etc) to be able to have peace of mind and give justice to baby. Very soon ur baby will b able to predict the feeling u r going thru and might learn the same which will eventually lead them to be reserved,less-social etc.

Sharvani · Mar 1, 2017

yellowmango said: ↑

Please get help for depression.
Why are you not keen to get help?
That should be the first step.op ,show love to yourself and get help.
A depressed person is not easy to be around.
Some men /women do not understand post partum depression.
You are the one suffering the most,you take the step to get help

Please stop comparing yourself to other couples. They may not have what you have.Your husband seems like a decent person.Get help for depression and you may be able to understand your problems better.

The romance in marriage goes through ups and downs.You have a small child.The child very often becomes first priority for the couple. Romance very often suffers during this time.Enjoy every phase of your life....

Op your marriage seems like most marriages.
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Thanks a lot Yellow mango, I am big fan of your calm and composed responses on this forum, yes.. I will try and get help for depression.. i think its high time to face the reality and get the help much needed. Yes, all i expect is a little concern about me from him, concern not in a negative sense, concern about what I need emotionally to make me go forward for that day.. i hope you understood what i m trying to convey..

Sharvani · Mar 1, 2017

gardeninggirl said: ↑

Hi Shravani,
First of all don't feel sad.You have a beautiful DS and believe me ,when he grows up you don't want to think that you missed nursing him or taking care of him because of the sour days in your married life.Yes this kind of behavior is quite common in marriages. [I am married (2yrs)only please correct me if I am wrong somewhere ] if I were in your place,I would have given him some space and don't set any time limit like 1-2 month etc..let him take time till he realises that you have your own life too and self respect.At this time try controlling your mind and senses.Gain confidence ..in YouTube,there are a lot of songs or videos regarding that.Try having your own time too..See we all are human beings and we as Indians are really pressurized in relationships esp in marriages so it's ok to take a break...By taking break I don't mean that you have to go far away from him.
1.First stop crying and pleading him(directly or indirectly)as he is the only corner in this world.
2.Dont ask him or discuss in phones/emails /messages why is he behaving like that etc etc..because this may seem nagging from ur side to him..
3.Dont tell him that you are giving him space just make him realize that you too have your own interests.
4.Find your interest.Gardening is a very good hobby and not only gardening can change You and your stress, but may be ur hubby gets noticed your another angle.You can develop interests in many fields.Nowadays it very reachable through internet.
5.Take your kid to new classes other than study like gymnastics,dance etc..if you know dance/singing you can start giving him some lessons...this may effect your husband's way of thinking towards you.
6.Don't show him that you are avoiding him,make him realize that you are self worth .Let him take any initiative.Give space...
7.Its ok to vent out but Don't keep on discussing the same thing with everyone.This makes you remembering the same thing again and again double,triple,quadruple times feeling the same pain and makes your heart loaded with grief.
8.Start grooming yourself.Go for shopping buy new clothes and try them with make up,if you find going out for facials is expensive ,you can buy cleanser,scrub,facial cream and face pack at once and do it at home.This saves a lot of money.There are videos on how to do facials,browse them and do that...and then if you have not tried any hair colors etc,try doing that.This way you feel better and beautiful from inside...all this may take some time but believe me he will be back to the pavilion ...

I am really sorry if I am wrong somewhere....I tried helping out by stepping into your shoes.
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Thank you gardengirl, I will try to engage myself to deviate from overthinking and stressing as you said.. I am planning on joining a activity club near my area.. they have different activities like jumba, swimming etc.

Sharvani · Mar 1, 2017

shri0218 said: ↑

There is no such thing as a perfect couple. What you see is not everything. Why don't you want to go to counseling? Especially when you are clinically diagnosed for your own well being and your family's - do it. Acknowledging that you have a problem is the first step to a solution.
Did something happen between you two that he has changed this way? You say yours is a love marriage and he is also reserved..so don't understand it. I know you are busy with the kid but try to develop a hobby or atleast have some alone me time will make things better. This is no reason for you to think abt ending your life!! Your husband overall seems like a decent person and may be it's just a phase. Cheer up!
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I am planning to go to counselling shri, thank you .. nothing happened between us suddenly, just that he lost interest in me.. or atleast not bothered to see me happy as before

Sharvani · Mar 1, 2017

dsmenon said: ↑

Hi OP, Its been a while that I have posted something here. but when I read your I had to. I was in the same shoes as your a year ago. Exactly the same. I was married for 8 years when I had my baby. Love marriage. Great married life and a wonderful baby. But things went to a toss when I lost my job. I was all alone for more than 10 hours with an infant. No one to talk and honestly NO friends. I was so frustrated, I would pick up fight with my husband for anything . I spoke to my doctor went for counselling and I could see difference in a few months. Also, try going out with your LO. like a Gymboree, library. sitting in a home with nothing to do will make you more depressed. Talk to your friends. IT will help you. hope you feel better.
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thanks a lot dsmenon.. feels good to know that you could understand my feelings..yes, i am planning on going for counselling.. and engage in activity club for next month

Sharvani · Mar 1, 2017

Nonya said: ↑

Stop harassing your husband. Depression in lonesome life is normal, and if you choose to foist that on your husband, you are adding more to feel depressed in the future.
Put on a happy face when your husband is home, when he goes to work, then feel depressed all you want. That is the way the older gen' had done it.
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thanks for your advice Nonya

gardeninggirl · Mar 1, 2017

Sharvani said: ↑

Thanks a lot Yellow mango, I am big fan of your calm and composed responses on this forum, yes.. I will try and get help for depression.. i think its high time to face the reality and get the help much needed. Yes, all i expect is a little concern about me from him, concern not in a negative sense, concern about what I need emotionally to make me go forward for that day.. i hope you understood what i m trying to convey..
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I am also a fan of Yellow Mango...her posts are really sensible and right.I follow her advises from other forums too!