Is our culture really doing all good for Women ?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Socialbee, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. Socialbee

    Socialbee Bronze IL'ite

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    India had always been proud of it rich culture and family values.
    Recently, I read in the news about Oprah Winfrey's India visit and appreciation for the joint family system , as she said "What most impressed me here was the family tradition in the country and the fact that you take care of your parents, your grandparents" . But, I wonder if Oprah really knows its the parents of the husband alone :) I wonder why still in India , women have to leave her parents and have to live with and take care of her husband's parents only. Why not its the other way ?
    Though things have changed a bit, but still majority believe that once married, women must serve her inlaws only. To the astonishment, most married men believe the same.
    So, my question is " Is this kind of culture really good for women? Or is it being very mean to them ? "
    Please input your views to this discussion.
     
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  2. Pranjjal

    Pranjjal Gold IL'ite

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  3. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    I don't like our culture of moving to in-laws place after marriage...it does makes everything one sided.

    There is this tradition in my community that after marriage ceremony the girl goes to guys house. This implication that she has moved from one family to another is not right in my opinion.

    Both boys and girls have obligation to take care of their parents (when they're too old to take care of themselves).
     
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  4. Nalini32

    Nalini32 Bronze IL'ite

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    You are quite right Socialbee. Our religious scriptures has never implied that we as women must foresake our parents after marriage. I strongly believe that our male dominated culture has taken advantage of of our women for too long. Things have gradually started changing not with a lot more women becoming educated and working, but still, it's not changing fast enough. Too many women still have to live their lives in these suffering situations. There is no explanation that could be logical to me why a woman has to ask her husband's permission to see her own parents and if he refuses she must abide by his decision. I am not Indian born and it is for reasons like this that I am happy that I have a bit of western influence in my life. My husband and I have our own house. His parents live separate in their own house and so do my parents. They are all still healthy and capable of handling themselves. My husband totally respects my parents the same as he respects his and never forbids me to call or visit my parents. He treats my parents just as he treats his own. 3 years ago my father had a heart attack at the age of 54 and had to undergo emergency heart surgery. My husband came to me and said I think we should ask your father to come and stay at our house when he is released from hospital and he can stay till he recovers and want to go to his home. That is the kind of thinking husbands should have. When my mother in law needs anything I would take her in my car and we would go shopping together and take her to medical appointments and have lunch together and I do the same for my mother too. When you have that kind of understanding in a marriage then it build more trust and respect and an everlasting love. My husband parents lives close to the area where his work office is located and very often my mother in law would ask him to come to her home and eat her food, but I have no issues with that. I know a lot of wives get angry when husband's mother is cooking for him but I have no issue with that. he is her son and she loves him and if that is her way of expressing her love I have no issue with it. She is so nice, that sometimes if she cooks a meal that she knows I like, she will send some to me. That is how I feel families should live, respecting each other and loving each other, not interfering in each other's lives and making people miserable.
     
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  5. Socialbee

    Socialbee Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi SallyR,

    U r totally right. My parents have only two daughters and I am the first. Does this means they have to be all alone in their older years and I still have to serve my PILs ... this is really crazy. Hoping things will change soon for atleast the coming generations.
     
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  6. Socialbee

    Socialbee Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Nalini,

    Its really great to hear how ur family is run. I would love to have such a kind of relationship with everyone like urs in my family too. But, unfortunately thats not the case :( Hoping things will change soon.

    [on a lighter note :
    I heard that very soon India's men count is going to out number the women's count. I wish women start demanding then and do the same things to men what they are doing to us now :) Hope God hears my prayer :)]
     
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  7. Loving2011

    Loving2011 Silver IL'ite

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    Socialbee

    I'm under the impression that Indian culture needs a lot of improvement when it comes to treating/honoring women. It's not to say that Indian culture is completley bad, as there are some positives.

    What I've noticed is that some Indian women (and men) aren't always condifident in setting boundaries and demanding others to respect them. I'm not badmouthing anyone, because I used to be this type of woman! What I have learned is that we do teach people how to treat us. Sometimes, we have to be the one that sets an example for change.

    For instance, I'm one of the few Indians in my family's social circle that has become completely independent from my family and has refused the pressure of marriage. My other friends have given into pressure or just comply with not being able to live their life the way they want. I may be looked at as weird by some people, but I needed to do what I believed in.
     
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  8. InnerBliss

    InnerBliss Gold IL'ite

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    Well written Loving2011
    !

    It is in our (Ladies) hands to define the relationship boundaries and give rise to the 'fair' way of thinking.
     
  9. chandu141

    chandu141 Silver IL'ite

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    Hai SocialBee...


    You are Totally Confused , Culture is Different And Family Relation and Loving, Taking care is Different..

    Where ever u go in this world (INCLUDING Animals) Love and Relations with Family Members will never Change Unless one keep their own Policies (individuals mentality ) ..

    Everything is Depends up on an individuals thoughts and beliefs.
    A Lady can Serve her own Parents and can serve her in laws too..

    the only thing is whether she/he is ready to serve or help the old and whether he/She is willing to respect and accept The service for their old age family members.. but this is not mentioned in any "Culture" ..

    Culture tells about how to respect and how to behave but not whom to respect and for whom to serve..

    Hope you understood that INDIAN culture has got nothing to do with the state of any individuals Situations ..

    Bye , Take care..
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2012
  10. chandannasta

    chandannasta Silver IL'ite

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    Socialbee, I am going to be 32 soon. Till date I have got 10-12 marraige proposals for Ghar Jamai which I havent accepted it for marraige. My mom is still trying to force me for marraige but unless and until I get the right one I wont get ready. Regarding your question I juz want to say 1 thing a man cant go to a female's house to stay, but an arrangement can be done where inlaws family and our family both can stay in a big house and then we can take care of each other's parents. But the problem would be then aurato ki kich kich ek hi ghar me kitna sehan karna padega. Wife ko sambhalo, maa ko sambhalo, saas ko sambhalo. its like har ghar ghar ki kahani.
     

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