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Is my fiance money minded ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by dancingdoll, Jan 13, 2012.

  1. dancingdoll

    dancingdoll New IL'ite

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    Hi friends :hiya,

    I am a new member here,I want some advice/opinions from experienced ladies.

    I am about to get married in April to a guy settled in US.My fiance has booked flight tickets to LA and travel duration is 30hrs+ and two stops at china for 2.30mins and 8.30 mins stop over.I am not happy with this as i feel there is 11hrs stop over and from LA we need to travel another 6 hrs by road to reach his home.I have never travelled for so long in my life and i am travelling for the first time by flight so i am worried i might fall sick,so i prefer to go by some other flight with less time duration with less stops n waiting duration.From there he plans to go for hawaii for honeymoon so another 5hrs by flight:drowning


    He is preferring this as he has got a good deal and wants to save money.I understand this but he needs to understand my concerns as well.I am confused whether he is right or am i being unreasonable with my demands.I have spoken to him indirectly but he doesn't seem to understand .How do i deal in this situation?I feel frustrated sometimes thinking money matters to him more than my comfort and i wonder whether my decision to marry him was right.I dont want to hurt him so how do i tell him about my problems without hurting him?My parents are ready to buy a ticket for me if needed but how do i say this to him ,i am worried if some misunderstanding occurs as it has already happened for some other issue.

    I am travelling for the first times so i have no idea whether it's good if we less stops or more stops.Can anyone enlighten me on this.
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear,

    I really didn't understand completly.Would you write more cearly about the flight stops and timing.

    where does he lives in US?Does he had flight from LA to his place???See you never stayed in US but you are ready to live with after the marriage.Then what will be issues that you never traveled?Everything will be new for you right??You not even married before and that is new thing for you :) just kidding.

    Anyway,marriage is package of two people and not just one person comfort.I don't know his financial situation and looks like you are from higher class income.Don't try to compromise at this stage and if you see any red singles.Prioritize what you want and there is no use of crying later.

    try to talk him more and understand him more and see you both suit each other or not.
     
  3. dancingdoll

    dancingdoll New IL'ite

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    Thanks Priya for your reply.

    I guess i haven't stated the facts clearly.Flight is from Bangalore to Los angeles with two stops at some place in china and over all stop over timing is 11 hours.He stays in san jose .According to his plan after reaching LA he wants us to go to Hawaii for honeymoon and for that he has booked a flight and after honeymoon we are returning to LA again and from there we need to go to san jose by road as he has his car parked their so there is no question of taking a flight.I just hope i am clear this time

    My issue is not about staying in US or places to visit in US but it's about travelling duration since i am not used to travelling in flights i fear i might fall ill during the journey so i prefer going to his place directly instead of LA and take a flight from Bangalore which has less travel time like 22 hrs instead of 30+.

    We both from upper middle class family and he doesn't have any financial problems, by nature he is stingy.

    We both get along well but i was confused whether he is right or whether my concerns are correct about travelling?I am still trying to understand him and he seems to be good but gives importance to money at times so i feel he is money minded.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2012
  4. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    talk to him about all your confusions.this is the time to talk freely only then you will understand each other and see how much he values your opinion.
     
  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear,

    Since you are planning to go Hawai then mostly any one could do the same thing.Drive from LA to San jose and no options here and that's pretty much life in US.

    Coming to stops in china,I am not sure he had any plan sight seeing.Anyway the amount of time you will be in flight is same and only you would waiting little more time in airports.I am not from LA side ,so I don't know stops in china.May be people who would live in LA can answer you better.

    Being little stingy is better than spend thrift.As long he doesn't expect gifts from your parents and saves his money is always better for you.I am not sure he had any plans to show you china though.

    But anyway,if you are feeling good with other things,then it's not a big deal to spend extra 5 hours in airports. You will have company right :) Remember flight time won't increase only little more waiting time.

    You wanted to go Hawaii then you can avoid the flight journey for 5 hours right.In the 11 hours gap in china,probably you can save 5 hours by choosing another flight.Some roots are longer than others.Suppose if you travel via Singapore,I am not sure how much will the fight time though.

    Anyway bottom line you could save some hours that's all.


    I don't know he got deal directly to Hawaii through some carrier with 2 stops in chins and one stop in LA.
    If you could fly directly to San Jose also a good idea and go to Hawaii later.If he already booked tickets then you can't do much about it,if not then you can try to get more information from him but don't threaten with your parents can buy the tickets.
     
  6. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    I am surprised that he is flying into LA instead of SFO ..may be he really got a neat deal. Ur fiance has booked ur flight and a honeymoon to Hawaii(Which is not cheap from any where and during any time of the year)without expecting ur dad to pay for it...I wouldn't classify him as moneyminded.....yet.My suspicion is the trip to India(for wedding) and the honeymoon to Hawaii has cut into his savings quite a bit.
    He might be careful about spending .
    But here is my sincere suggestion...if this is the only instance of it.I would say let it go.Don't make it an issue.Enjoy the ride from LA to San Jose(you will be doing quite a few of it in the years to come :) ). You are young and long distance flights are a part of life here .

    Please don't talk about how ur dad can finance the trip....it will start the marriage on a wrong foot. U are his wife and you both need to decide how best to spend ur money...don't take this to ur parents or involve them in ur nitty gritty details of spending .
    There is also a learnig curve that most Indians go through once they are in US. $100 is not Rs.100. It takes a lot more to earn and save it and it has a lot of buying power. It has to be spent carefully and unlike India we dont have family to get ur back when u are stuck ..we need to keep cash for emergency.
     
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  7. dancingdoll

    dancingdoll New IL'ite

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    Thanks Priya for your suggestion,feels better now.

    I don't enjoy journey much so i wanted to go to San Jose directly and from there we can go to few nearby places after resting for a day or two as honeymoon is about spending time together and getting to know each other not exploring places but our thinking differ in this.

    I feel he can opt for other flights which has less stop over time but he has to spend more money for that so he is hesitating and this makes me irritated as i feel he doesn't care about me.I am not interested in seeing China or any other place.

    For me this whole schedule looks hectic and i am scared whether i will be able to cope up.
     
  8. anonymou

    anonymou Silver IL'ite

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    Well, I wont say its about him being money-minded, the reality is we all are money minded in this world(except for few saints). We all calculate about money we spend to buy comforts and luxury. Now husband and wife may have different notions about what deal is acceptable in what money. I wont say you are unreasonable in your demand or he is unreasonable trying to save money. What is important is both of you respect each others' expectation and try to adjust accordingly.
    I wont suggest asking parents for tickets, as that will be one time solution to what may be repetitive problem. You wont ask your parents everytime you feel your comfort has been comprimised in an attempt to save money.

    Coming to specific problem: It is quite common for entry level Indian proffessionals in US to just book the 'cheapest' flight ticket to and fro India. Quite likely, he would be doing that for his own tickets as well. Even when he travelled first time(if it wasn't on company expense). Layovers, hours of stay - for many Indian proffessionals these comforts kick in the calculation only when they have to travel with kids.
     
  9. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    When is spending wisely is wrong.
    Jmo you are getting a great h. He is taking you on a honey moon to hawaii. He plans everything well ahead of time. Enjoy the flight, who cares how long it is you are newly weds and have each other. He is doing everything on his own without demanding anything from your dad. Read some of the other posts here than you will understand the value of his efforts in giving you a warm welcome to his life.
    Why will you fall sick. Are you sickly by nature and any change affects you.
    Since you are new to international travel just go with the flow and enjoy the travel, honeymoon and long car ride. If you are already assuming you might get sick and complain and whine you will turn off your h's sweet emotions.
    Look at the glass as half full instead of half empty.
    All the best.
     
  10. dancingdoll

    dancingdoll New IL'ite

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    @justanothergirl

    Thanks for you suggestion,i guess i am over reacting and he has got a very good deal :).

    Yes his aunt has some time share in hawaii so we he has planned for hawaii.I think you helped me see the other side of the coin.Thank you.

    I must say this forum helps people like us a lot
     

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