Is Mil Not Accepting Me??

When MIL said I gave tomato rice to the maid did you react ? This was a golden opportunity to let her know you did not appreciate it. Time to establish boundaries that she cannot cross.
Since you don’t mind cooking, I would start by telling her that you want to eat healthy and start cooking for yourself. The only problem there is if you are busy and don’t have time to cook MIL’s food is out of question. Once you have slowly established a tunnel to MIL’s kitchen , hopefully you can infiltrate it slowly ( sounds like a military exercise) .
P.S. before you do all that make sure you really enjoy cooking ( after 12 hrs at work) and are not insisisting on cooking just to get back at your MIL. Are you capable of handling a full time job and cooking proper meals for the old folks at home on time ?
If it were me , I would not rock the boat. Just enjoy her food.

 

There are some women who are extremely possessive of her family and in need of excess control when it comes to her home. Your mil's case could be one of it.

Because according to your words, it's not just about you, it's about everyone, which means she wants to be the only one who wants to do anything at her home n wants to be the sole / primary care giver.

Yes, anyone would advice you to not complain n jus enjoy in regards to this situation but can understand your feelings too.

Few things to try,
If you make something or realy want to make something, do when she's not around n keep it out of her sight n serve all of them at the same time. Because if she finds it, she's gona throw it anyways. This way your hubby n fil will atleast get to taste.

Keep offering to help her, don't stop. N make sure your hubby n in laws family knows that you are trying too, just in case she turns around some day n says you didn't do anything. They will know about her, so just keep them updated.

Any which ways once your kid comes in the picture, she can't have the same kinda control. You will infact have to do at that time, atleast for your child.

You are trying too but don't fight this sooo much n stress yourself as you are out of the house for more than 12 hours in a day. N if she starts expecting you to do all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, anything right after work everyday, it's gona be a lot more stressful n painful than what you are feeling right now.

 

I think your MIL is trying to show that she will always be the boss. This is a trait my MIL has too. Although I don't live with my ILs, she used to call me everyday stating you are like my daughter, I miss you and what not.

What I failed to realize in the first few phone calls was that she was manipulative and was trying to impart her "education" through stories. One fine day she said, "when I came into this house as DIL and cooked food no one liked it. People don't like new things and will not appreciate new styles of food". This felt like an indirect message that your food will not be accepted here. But at the same time if someone asks, she can either deny saying anything like that or say she meant it as a good gesture, she was helping me adjust to the new family. But to me, this is just a manipulative way of showing who is the boss.

My suggestion is that don't talk much with your PILs especially regarding issues that only you and your husband should be discussing like pregnancy, money, where to live. I made a mistake here. My MIL used to call me everyday in the first month of marriage and constantly talk about pregnancy. This was so stressful and I did not want to tell her directly because she was "Acting" to be so nice with me and I felt I might hurt her. So I told my hubby to tell her in a nice way that this is very stressful and it is our decision not hers to make. When my hubby talked to my MIL she denied talking about pregnancy at all with me. I was absolutely shocked. When my hubby told me this, I called her, put her on loudspeaker and asked her in a loud firm voice how she can deny when she had spoken to me about it everyday. Then she said, " yes , we've talked about this. What I meant when I told I didn't talk was that I did not pressurize you and that I want you both to discuss in an open manner about it. " Basically she was trying to mince her words and make some other meaning out of it. Mine is a love marriage and we both knew each other for 4 years before getting married. My MIL doesn't need to be a mediator between the both of us. So I told her clearly what she did was pressure to me and that my hubby and I will take care of this. You don't get involved again.

Since then she has not talked about pregnancy to me. If she unintentionally blurts out something, she will say she's kidding. And I ignore that and don't talk/message her for a day or two. Nowadays I take care to not speak to her more than once in 10 days and always record phone calls with her. I don't know when she will deny saying what she said.

 

You can cook for your husband and you alone. You let her know that.

Or else ignore it if she is not poking her nose into your married life expect cooking. You are free for now. Don't take it serious. It is not easy to cook and clean for everyone in house and go for office as well.

I have got a question. How does in-laws manage house financially since you said she is the one buying stuff in home? Is it their money or your husband's? Are you guys giving your salary to in-laws?

My advice is just eat the food she cooks and be happy that you are not tortured as slave. If you dont like the food, try food from office if you have that option. Its good that your husband also doesnt expect you to do any household work.

So many girls in this forum, cooking, cleaning, taking care of in-laws, husband and kids and GO OFFICE, which is very hard if you have got no maid and not a helping dominating husband.

Good luck sis!

 

U are lucky to get these in laws who don't suck ur income.
Your mil don't want to lose her power in the house and kitchen.
Take it slow. Let her cook

 

This is her insecurity. She is highly insecure by your presence at her place. She is worried whats and ifs looking at your abilities.
So, in order to keep you stay out of her territory, she stages this drama.
If not all the MILs, at least some MILs do this. My MIL did the same with me, and with her other DILs.
She wouldn't let us cook. Not even make tea at her place.
Even though she is tired, sick or what.. She won't allow us to do anything there.
Her H, and our H sometimes prefer a change and ask us to cook. But MIL won't eat it. Nor she allows FIL to eat criticizing some or the other health issues.
And obviously, you make mistakes if it was your first time cooking. She would make a mountain out of the mole hill and make full stop at that.

If you are living in her house, then let her lead the kitchen. Take it positively and enjoy the freedom from household chores. Pretend as if you are not interested in cooking.
Don't feel guilt or shame because you don't cook.
Be equal just like your working husband, and demand what you need just like other working men. Enjoy your privilege.

There will be days when MIL goes outside, becomes sick or whatever. Take charge of these times to show your talents in cooking to the rest of the family.

You may cook special meals, snacks, sweets etc during holidays, and check whether your H, BILs or FIL would like to taste?
Since you are working, I assume you can buy all the ingrediants, and if needed separate pots to cook.
Don't compete with MIL, but just share "your meal" with others only to taste it. If they prefer it, then commit to cook for another day with everyone's acceptance. This way, MIL can't complain your cooking ability, or cooking attempts.

Alternatively, you may invite your guests, and cook for them.
Your H or others at home can always taste your food, and decide who should cook in their house in the future?

But, unless you are in your own house, it is best not to compete with MIL. If I were you, I would enjoy this freedom to the most.

 

They are good. And you don't stress out for cooking & cleaning. Its a good thing you don't have to do it now.