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Is love meant to make us happy?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Aspire, Apr 24, 2011.

  1. Aspire

    Aspire Gold IL'ite

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    I have often wondered as with many other things, is love meant to make us happy?

    This is not to say that love cannot make us happy. Obviously, it can bring us the kind of bliss that few other things in life can. It can make us feel fully alive, hope, vitality, etc....

    But if happiness is how we characterize love's overall mission, we overlook the importance of its sadder frequencies.

    If we expect love to make us happy, we automatically interpret its setbacks and disappointments as a sign of failure.

    But what if happiness is merely one aspect of love's multifaceted mission?

    What if love is more interested in our growth than our happiness?

    Please share your thoughts.
     
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  2. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    Happiness n sadness are the contrasts that makes us know the worth of the other and in my opinion Love is the go between like when you are happy you need someone to ashare that you will do with your dear ones(read Loved) and if you are sad you want to lean on your dear ones....

    Both Happiness Sadness Love are all state of mind iand it varies from person to person....
     
  3. Aspire

    Aspire Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks VJB for your response. Wow that was amazing... :thumbsup

    I was also wondering, how can we learn to help love grow in all aspects of our lives?
     
  4. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Aspire, all of us need love. We need love, care, security and a feeling of ownership. It doesn't matter who provides us, but we need these. I don't understand what you mean by growth. However, my view is when you love someone, you would merge with the person and be a part of good and bad. When it is reciprocated, you would eventually grow as a person and grow in every facet of life. First love must give you security, genuine security, care and feeling of ownership. When a person feels, reciprocates and where the mind and heart unanimously accepts a feeling that is love.

    That feeling will bring us happiness unconditionally. The same can break a person terribly and can destroy too when the person realizes that they are not reciprocated. This can be the case even in mere friendship too. The very thought and feeling that it is not reciprocated or it cannot be reciprocated can send a person to depression and I cannot find the right word to describe what goes through inside the heart and mind!

    Love is like water to fish. When I know I am cared, I feel secured, and I feel wanted, I forget all my pains. However, sometimes we are taken to the highs and suddenly we are dropped. When we are dropped we don't even know why and how we were dropped. The numbness and dizziness of pain cannot be felt. That is the most nauseating feel Aspire. The feeling passes through every cell in your body and all you do is stand and stare and listen to those words and you are forced to laugh and say that's okay and you empathize. I wonder whether we laugh to hide the tight slap on our face or we laugh because eventually that crosses us or it is like the calmness before the storm.

    All I have realized is any relationship is painful. Relationships are not a bliss. They are painful, they cause only pain and there is no joy. You laugh as long as others laugh. Others laugh as long as you laugh, but one day you realize that time has frozen on you whereas the phases of life keeps its momentum with others. The same people whom you loved and cared and spent hours, days and nights suddenly say the momentum doesn't allow them to reciprocate. Damn it! Why the hell do we need to meet them in the first place!

    Now tell me does love give you joy or does it give you pain?
     
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  5. Aspire

    Aspire Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you CW for your response. Love has given me both joy and pain, happiness and sadness.

    "Relationships are not a bliss" -- I absolutely agree with you. Thats why I think that happiness is rarely love's main goal.

    I am able to look back at love's setbacks and disappointments (pain/sadness) in retrospect, that they are forcing me to grow.
     
  6. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Can Wait....
    Yes Love is some what like bitter sweet experience but you need to balance it so that your experience doesnt bring piercing pain but a dull thud...Here I would like to Quote ChitVish in her thread

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/s...y-ever-green-romance-never-7.html#post1767046

    Life’s Recipe:

    1 cup of good thoughts

    1 cup of kind deeds

    1 cup of consideration for others

    2 cups of sacrifice for others

    3 cups of forgiveness

    3 cups of well-beaten faults!

    Mix the above ingredients thoroughly.
    Add tears of joy, sorrow & sympathy for others.
    Flavour with little bites of love.
    Fold in four cups of prayer and faith.
    Pour into daily life and bake well with the heat of human kindness.
    SERVE WITH A SMILE !


    Here she says Lifes but when you read Love instead of Lifeit is the same...
     
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  7. Padmini

    Padmini IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Aspire,
    A well penned and thoughtful post .
    Those people, whom love has left an unforgettable past and disturbing memory, keep talking only about that particular incident where they got hurt. But just think for a while, is it that it is love that has hurt you or the situation. It is the situation that has hurt, not the love. Love never hurts. Rejection hurts, hatred hurts, deceiving hurts. At the end, love is the medicine for all of these hurts.
    When you start feeling like you have been hurt by love, just close your eyes for ten minutes and start recollecting those moments when you are happy being in love. And then analyze those moments when you think you were hurt. You will realize that you were hurt because of the situations but not love. It is because of the same love from your other dear ones, you are happy again. Love always gives happiness and removes pain from us. The eternal joy on this world is always gifted by love. Give love and get love.
    with love
    pad
     
  8. Aspire

    Aspire Gold IL'ite

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    Padmini: Thank you for your response. :bowdown what a response. :hatsoff to you! I could not have penned it better. :thumbsup


     
  9. arty2010

    arty2010 Bronze IL'ite

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    It depends on which stage of life you are in. Love is like a blanket which keeps you warm on a cold day / Like a cold breeze in summer for newly found love and newly weds. I mean, it is refreshing and full of energy and enthusiasm :)
    Along the way, love changes to teamwork. When couple have kids its how well you work as a team which is important. You may not have the time to go out and party but you feel love in the way you do things for each other and for the kids.
    At old age, it becomes freindship and companionsship. You would have gone through life's stages together you feel totally at ease with each other. you respect each other and can also laught at your self for your mistakes knowing the other person will not hold it against you.
    If there is anything amiss in this cycle, disappointment and lack of love can creep in. Love changes, it takes on a new face. Even if you dont feel love at sometime you surely will feel the lack of it.
    If making one happy is job of love I dont know but when in love you never feel unhappy and alone :))
    Hope i was able to answer your question,Aspire :)
     
  10. babycorn

    babycorn Silver IL'ite

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    Aspire,

    I still have some doubts with your question.This is what I understood and practice

    Reducing the expectations is the only key in any relationship.It will help us and save us from all frustrations.We can only be dependant on our spouse,if he/she is trustworthy.Love will not only make us happy,but it will be painful too.We have to digest the pain and enjoy the happiness.This art of living is the main requirement in any relationship

    My husband is spending a couple of days with his friends and spends one day with me.If I moan and cry about the 2 days in that one day,my life is gone.this is the mistake we tend to do in any relationship.We forget to cherish the good moments and always moan over the sad moments.

    Instead of searching/analysing whether a person loves me,whether he/she will make me happy,I would be happy with myself.Personal analysis on any person would yield better results.All are not saints and we haev our own pros and cons.Dont search your happiness in others.Dont expect someone to make you happy.Period.
     

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