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Is It Rude Or Am I Overthinking?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Archana11, Aug 8, 2018.

  1. Archana11

    Archana11 Silver IL'ite

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    Just want to share.
    My daughter is 2.2 years and her pediatrician was concerned about her delayed speech and asked us to have a speech assessment. A team visited from hospital and took 2hrs of time to assess her. At the end they told she does not have any developmental issues and motor skills are good so she is not eligible for a speech therapy. They advised us to join her in any pre-school so that she can socialize and learn to speak.

    There is a lady in our community who has a day care/pre-school type. I called her and she said she will take only 3+ as the program which she teaches suits 3+. I told her she needs more socialization. Im not eager to make her learn alphabets or numbers. My focus is mainly on her speaking and playing with her peers. she asked me to bring my daughter on friday evening for a trial class for an hour. She said she also has same request from another parent whose DS is 1.8 and has speech issue same as my daughter. After trial class she will decide if she can take her.

    I went and dropped my daughter and she asked me leave and come back after one hour. The Another parent also bought her son for the trial session. After one hr when I went to pick her up, i asked if she cried. She said no, but she was searching for you however I gave some toys and did a painting activity and she forgot. Then I asked her what is her decision. She said she will call me after all the kids have left for the day.

    I waited till night. Next was weekend, no call. I thought weekend she might be busy. Then on Monday I sent a whatsapp message in afternoon saying Im still waiting for your call to know her decision. She read the message but no response and no call.

    I'm not feeling good. Dont know how to express but Im really angry and just want to tell her this is not the way to make a parent wait. I dont know if I should even be angry. Might be I'm wrong.
     
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  2. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Your anger is valid. When people are in dire need and if someone doesn’t respond even after assuring about giving feedback after so many calls and messages . It shows their true nature.

    One more thing is she might be even little busy so not responding .If she continues the same directly you can go to the day care and speak to that lady. So you need not worry more
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2018
  3. Archana11

    Archana11 Silver IL'ite

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    Hey Shravs,

    Actually I have a very bad habit of not making people wait. If they need help, and I can do it I will do it asap. If help needs to check on something, I will do it as early as possible, without them reminding me for second time. I think too much about what if I dont do it on time and they remind me, what they think of me. My husband also asks me not to be so sweet to everyone.

    I want to tell you about a small incident. Recently we had a first birthday party of our ex colleague son. I know his wife while we were in India. His son's actual birthday was on thursday and the party was on Friday. I sent birthday wishes via whatsapp to her on thursday, no reply. I understood she is very busy and more than busy she must be excited. It dint bother me. In party also she dint mention anything about the message or how she could not reply and she did not try to reply to it once she was free. A week later she forwarded google photos link, i saw all the pics and immediately replied that all the pics are beautiful and thanks for sharing. my husband saw this conversation and said why did you reply for the photos. she dint even bother to acknowledge your wishes. Dont try to be good to people who dont care. I dint know what to reply to him because I cannot ignore people.
    Might be because of this habit of mine, I expect the same from others and gets disappointed. It totally my problem and should not blame others.
     
    sumalynux and shravs3 like this.
  4. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    I am like you, if people ask me I will do without any delay and they get taken aback. You know Archana, everybdoy is different. There are fewer like you.
    The daycare lady could have been more considerate; Her answer is no, otherwise she would have contacted you. Let it go.
    I have a close friend who calls me as best friend, but I am the one who always calls. She was very good to me when I visited her and every time she plans to come ( after I planned everything for her visit) she will cancel. I simply have given up. I still consider her as good friend.
     
  5. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Can understand. I am also somewhat like you. When they depend on me for something I want to finish it off so that they need not wait. But sometimes when I am really busy ,only then I will ignore but without fail I will acknowledge them later.
    It’s natural for us to expect the same from others.
    But sadly not all are like that they don’t bother even to reply even when they are free! :(
     
  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    This is also true. They may misuse us.
     
  7. Archana11

    Archana11 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Topaz,

    I have a distance relative here within 4hrs of travel. He is my husbands cousin and they became close after we cane to US. They dont have kids. Everytime we go to their place and they just visited once for my daughters first birthday. I tell my husband if we go, we have to pack so much because we have 2 kids. They dont have to and its easy for them to travel. More over, my place has a lot to explore than theirs. So I stopped visiting them. They both speak over phone couple of times over a week. Few days back he suddeny told tomorrow we have gender reveal surprise party, can you make it. I mean it was 9 at night on a weekday and she is into 5th month. I taunted my husband a lot ,what a great relation you have
     
  8. ranju5

    ranju5 Silver IL'ite

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    I dont think you are over thinking the situation. My daughter was very late in speaking yet could walk at the age of nine months and by the time she was just over a year she was potty trained. But speaking: no doing!! she just said very few words and the reason was that her 5 year old brother understood her so well that he always said what she wanted: basically communicating on her behalf and I did not at that time think much of this till she started pre school and her teacher noticed that (both my children were in the same school) and during break time and lunch he would be there looking after her and communicating on her behalf. So the teacher had to separate them and guess what within few days she was talking and has not stopped since!!!!
     
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  9. Archana11

    Archana11 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ranju,
    Same story here. My DS is 5 year old and I sent her to his day care for 3 days. Teacher said he sits beside her and console her when she is crying. As she knows her brother is also there she never stops crying and asks her brother to take her home. So teacher said lets wait till DS goes to KG which is next month and later we can plan to re-send her. Meanwhile I tried to ask this lady because she is very near to my house. For my DS teacher house I need take cab until she gets used for whole 3 hrs and is comfortable travelling in teachers car without me.
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Not rude exactly. It was unprofessional of the lady to not respond by when she said she would, and to not respond to your whatsapp message. After you have dealt with your understandable hurt, you should think whether you want to trust your very young child with such a person.

    That being said, there are many possible reasons for her lack of response.

    When a daycare says no, don't persist. Your child will not get the attention she deserves. The lady has a program created for 3+. Handling kids of that age takes lot of organization, patience, and more patience. Looks like she didn't know how to say no and agreed for a 'trial class'. This can be very hard for you as a parent but it is a reality -- a 2.2 year old with delayed speech issue can be tough to handle in a group of 3+ year old's. I was once told my child has no talent for ballet, and once told no talent for Bollywood dance. : ) I had to agree when I watched my child dance away to glory. Both places used to put up performances at YMCA, Indian festivals, so they could not focus on just letting the 5-6 yr old's have fun. Hurt me like hell, but they had a point...

    Any time during the conversation did you happen to thank her for taking the time. Did you say anything positive or complimentary about her daycare, the kids playing around, or about the setup? Or, were you all questions about your child's one hour there. Small compliments, and observation of how hard she has to work handling the children, can help in such situations. Daycare is back breaking and mentally exhausting work with rushed bathroom breaks.

    Whatsapp message was kind of pushy. Did it include any appreciation for the time she took for trial class? Monday afternoon is too early to follow up on a Friday evening promise. And, when you badly want something, it helps to appeal to their emotion, their human side, and so on. Something like, 'this was the first time she went to daycare without brother...and stayed with so little crying..." makes your message more personal and compliments the lady.

    You are not wrong. You are human and a parent. Being a parent and such waiting finds us at our most vulnerable. Anger is natural. As long as you keep it to venting here or to husband.

    Coming to the more practical aspects of running a daycare business -- she did not want to say a plain No. A program is created for a certain age group. Adding a younger or older child will upset the cart. There is a rhythm and flow to the day's activities. If one child is there for socialization and not keen to learn ABC's, coloring, puzzles, then, that child needs special attention. If one child is allowed do a different activity than others, more want to do that. You want socialization, other parents want the program to also teach ABC's, etc as promised.

    And from your later post, it also looks like you wanted it as a temporary arrangement. If she is licensed, she can only take limited number of children. Daycare providers prefer children who come due to parents' working. If mom is home, they know the child can be withdrawn at any time. Even if they have opening, they prefer to keep those for children likely to stay on longer.

    All said and done, a simple rule applies. Do not leave your child at a place where you don't feel one hundred percent comfortable.

    Such waiting's and such rejections or hearing news/results that we didn't want to, related to kids, can drain one's energy and there will be times when you simply want to burst into tears of helplessness and frustration. There will be many such in the coming years. Steel yourself a little. Always try to remind yourself that there are more options. Very few things are the end of the world.
     

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