is it right to think about ending my marriage.

Hi,
One more thing i would like to tell is most men cant bear their wife talking to other guys ..as u r in IT field this can be one more reason y he is insisting n u to wear mangalsutra ..may be he is feeling inferior.. so try to avoild those talks infront of him and yes , u can always remove that when ur hubby is away instead of creating the problems. Don't make the habbit of involving elders in fights. This will make to increase the would and gap between both of u.

 

Wow..I apologise to OP if this is a genuine post but the whole story seems like a combination of scenes from multiple Hindi movies. Authoritative punjabi dad, rebellious wedding, inter-state, inter-community, long-distance love, problems in wedding due to mangalsutra? Ahem..I don't know about others but ddlj, kkkg,saathiya..so many films crossed my mind at the same time.

Why does the OP mention in the beginning that she is fair and h is 'very dark'? (is that why could he be beating her now, because he suddenly noted the color difference?) lol

Anyway, my honest opinion is that if OP could leave her parents when she was just 20 and escape to UK to marry the guy she had met before only on Internet, she must be more than capable to handle the mangalsutra issue.

Now pls all other commentators, do not crucify me for my 'regressive' comment. My kind request to everyone including OP is that pls ignore my remark if you feel am out of my mind.

 

What a monster of man. Insecure imbecile! Call the cops next time he raises his hand on you. He will hit you only as long as you let him. Put up a defense and watch him turn into a helpless mouse. He may have insecurities and frustrations in life like everyone else but that doesn't mean he'll release them on the woman he has taken sacred vows with. Don't put up with his crap anymore. However, don't keep complaining about his misdeeds all the time. Try to pacify him and ask him what his problems are. Maybe he wants some support from you and he's not getting it because you're too busy complaining. If you still have feelings for him and believe this can work out, sit down with him and ask him how you can help him deal with his problems in life. Be supportive and try to get him to speak. If you do not love him anymore, well, there is only one option.

 

yeppp you did sound emotional confused and shocked and clueless in your post!!! but just pls get a grip on your sensitive side...and dont hurt yourself..never ever!! take these issues as challenge and work on it. life is worth living and am glad you understand that good luck...

coming to he saying sorry on phone but not talking...why not you be the bigger person..?? break the ice and say you are also sorry for behaving the way you were and you understand it now and you will ensure you wont do such things again and wont shock him or make him worried....and he doesnt have to make any more calls to his or your parents asking for help etc...just pls say this to him and be calm and sound happy n calm...make some nice dinner for him..and relax the weather at home....

 

hi shonasmum,

I am glad to read your last post and good to know what you want to do next to make your relationship with your dear husband better.

I am not sure if this fits the context. I read this article this morning in the Newspaper (Metro - a daily in London) and was reminded of your post. Here is the link to the post: Stress 'means half of GPs suffer from burnout' with male doctors worse off than female medics

I understand some problems can seem really hopeless in the beginning, but time heals everything. And what seems eternal could be a very small misunderstanding that can be solved easily. It could be simple stress that is causing your husband to be the way he is. Am sure you too have your supply of stress from work, with the baby and with the family. But I guess women somehow manage to move on unlike men who stew in it.

If you feel like letting out your own feelings, I'd suggest counselling form your own GP. I've done that quite a few times here. And since you have a child, you must be aware of toddler play groups and play centres run by the council. They have helpers (usually ladies) there, who provide services such as counselling and advise for moms. They just talk to you and you can tell them anything and everything. My friends have done that loads of times and that makes them feel so much better. They give them tips as to how to deal with small troubles at home and teach them relaxing techniques. Hope it helps you too.

Wish you the best and really hope you work things out for the better soon.

PS. I hope I am not scaring you. I was just so surprised to read it right after I read your post. It is seen as a big problem over here in UK - the stressful lives of Doctors. After all they are seen as helpers and healers all the time and not as the people they simply are. And who better would know them than their own family.. And you are the one to see their other side too. To suffer with their unexpressed tensions and worries. So you too need the extra care and cuddle.

 

Dear Rimpy/Shonasmum,

First I should let you know that I am a male, and my perspective is a bit different then many of the ladies on this forum. There are always two sides to a story, and after reading this maybe I can give you a bit of insight into why your husband is behaving in such an insecure manner.

To a man the Mangal Sutra is very important. It is a symbol of marriage and of acceptance. When you wear it, it shows the world that you and your husband have created a sacred bond with each other to endure and work as a team. While this 'token' is physical in nature, its meaning speaks on a very symbolic level. I for one would love it with my wife wore a Mangal Sutra everyday, along with Sindoor (red coloring). However, I also understand there will be points where wearing these things would not only be impractical but also inappropriate. However these times are few and far between in my opinion, but the choice will always be hers. <-- The most I can do is ASK my wife to do something (fiance)

Your husband is showing a lot of classical cases of manipulation, and selfishness. Regardless of occupation, he really should trust you more. However, you also have to understand how hurtful it is when someone you love will not wear a physical token of your marriage. As mentioned, I would be quite hurt if my wife didn't decide to wear her wedding ring... it means a lot for me and for most men. In fact we made a deal that regardless of how much we might fight in the future, I never will take of my wedding ring, as that ring represents MORE then just jewelry.

Pay attention to that last sentence: The mongal sutra is more then just jewelry to most men. Its a gesture of commitment, love, and promise that is outwardly shown. If you can understand that, then the desire to 'change' and wear something else for vanity becomes lesser of an issue.

I do have to make it known that your Husband should not have laid a finger on you. I still can't believe he hit you. That day, he showed not only that he is NOT a man, but he is not a husband as well. While divorce might not be the best option, you need to make sure he never hits you again, and if that means leaving for good then so be it. You deserve to be loved, and cherished. He is doing neither.

ABCDGUy