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Is It Really That Good To Have Siblings?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Needtobestrong, Jun 3, 2019.

  1. pni

    pni New IL'ite

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    Sibling will b advantage if both r same gender. I am telling this from my exp. Siblings wont hv diff. till they get married and move out of house. I see girls sibling keep constant touch with each other after marriage and share parent responsibility. Same with boys siblings. cobrothers are much better than cosisters. If boy and girl then their bonding s only till their marriage, after they see each other only on occasion Brother will help financially, but no emotional support. my cosister and sil hv sister. i hv seen hw they bond with, whereas me and brother hv no such emotional bonding. My only happiness s i hv two daughters who will eachother.
     
  2. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Finest Post Winner

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    As long as u as a sibling is rich leading an uncomplicated life you will b part of the family. Elae ur as good as nutin. I have 18 cousins from my moms side and 13 from dads side' all well to do settled abroad and leading comfortable lifes. Both sides are there attending ever family function where they get to showoff their prized hubbies or wife' jwellery' clothes etc. There are two of us who are literally outcasts. V fall in the extreme low class slot. Nutin to showoff n OMG divorcees' what a sad impression v hv on our ohh so called affulent siblings. So they stopped invitung n v started avoiding but come a death there is a hue n cry. Doesnt even show her face for formality afterall a divorcee what work she can have and so on....nowdays I hardly care n they stopped calling as well coz ur struggles n pain is time-pass and gossip for the comfortable lot. Am glad to hv got rid of all these hypocrite siblings from my life !
     
  3. Novalis

    Novalis Finest Post Winner

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    Hmm: Removed personal musing.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2019
    hermitcrab likes this.
  4. Shivika992

    Shivika992 New IL'ite

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    For me my sibling has been very supportive and caring. So it is different for each person. It depends on how the sibling relationship has been since childhood. My parents always encouraged us to take care of each other instead of fighting which is why even today we are close. It depends on family and also personality of siblings. But for me I would say it is really good to have a sibling
     
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    That is the briefest musing I had ever read from you. :) Frankly, you can plan children but how do you plan siblings? One can only determine how much one like to interact with siblings when he/she grows up.
     
  6. MadhuRK

    MadhuRK Senior IL'ite

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    TLDR : Grass is greener on the other side.

    This thread is so revealing and what @Rihana said is worth its weight in gold. Kudos to you for being spot-on and so perceptive.

    I will share my story from the last 2 generations:

    Oldest generation : Great-grand father had 3 sons and 1 daughter but spent his time as a gentleman of leisure. Legend has it that he would play game after game of rummy well into the night while constantly pestering his wife, my great grand-mother to nag her siblings and bring something for the family to run on. As was the norm in those days my grand-father who was the first born and eldest son started working very early on to support his mother and siblings, got his only sister married and took care of his siblings too. But he grew up with the determination that he had to do anything to not be a wastrel and spent him time and energy achieving a successful career in the 60s. This meant that he would take a lot of transfers pursuing a promotion and go for those assignments that his peers avoided in-order to maintain a stable family life at home. There is a side-story that he took those transfers in-order to avoid living directly with his parents but that's a different topic. He never liked his father although he supported them financially till they were alive.

    Moral of the story: I'm going to right the wrong of the previous generation. I'm smarter, better and more capable than my dad and mom and all the other idiots in my family put together.

    Older generation : Grandfather had 3 sons, my father being the eldest. Because he was so busy fixing the "wrong" from the past, my father and his 2 brothers spent the bulk of their time in one of the 2 modes: either moving from town to town discontinuing their education, breaking their friendships and changing homes every year or they were made to stay with their sweet grandmother for extended periods of time without the active disciplining and supervision of their own parents. Whats worse, they took turns living with their parents and grandparents every alternate year ! My father and my uncles were quite affluent and lived of luxury by the standards of their times, 3 full meals a day, lots of clothing and sporting equipment, pampered and sheltered by their doting grandmother. But they were all wanting in basic life skills, none of them knew how to break a sweat, work hard and toil in their life. The really deadly blow was that they never learnt how to live with each other, including living in harmony with their own parents and siblings. They could never form life-long bonds of friendships, thanks to their early training. By the grace of God, in the Indian culture, marriage is held as a divine bond and wives don't walk away from a poor bargain of a husband. So they all have their wives to keep. They had nobody to mentor them, correct their many character flaws, point them in the right direction. For all the lofty "family-culture" we pride in our country and sneer at the west, the rest of the large ecosystem including aunts, uncles, cousins who paid individual attention to their own, took no interest in my father and his siblings. Consequently they all had a basic marriage-pass degree, worked middle class jobs and continue fighting with each other. My father especially refused to chase after career goals, refused to take transfers, refused to work abroad even though the salary was much better, stagnated in his career and retired as a clerk. Consequently my mother had to take an extra job as a teacher to support the family. Both were around us all the time though, so that's an unacknowledged blessing I guess.

    Moral of the story: I'm going to right the wrong of the previous generation. I'm smarter, better and more capable than my dad and mom and all the other idiots in my family put together.

    We will never know the value of the many blessings we have, but we will always have a very good idea of what we don't have and the blessings others have in their lives.
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    I can share my story for a better insight.

    Siblings are my best and strongest support system at any given time of my life.
    As a child, when my parents were busy with their respective careers, and foreign visits I found solace with the companionship of my siblings. It did not hurt me much to live without parents at that tender age, because my siblings were partnered with me.

    Later during teenage time, we had so many things going on in life, which we could not openly share with parents. But our siblings stood by us, and that helped to align our lives accordingly. Siblings became friends during this stage of life, and those were the best memories.

    After marriage, specially after having kids, siblings as second parents to our children is a blessing. When you see your siblings' child consider you as his/her own parent and wants to spend more time with you makes your day. Same with our children's excitement the moment they hear about the arrivals of their chiththi or mama.
    Siblings make the family bonding to a different level, and that gives you a very strongest feeling.

    In fact, when I had faced marital issues in the past, my only trust was my siblings. I was sure that they will do anything to protect me. This way, I felt safe to confront when injustice happened in my marriage.

    However, having siblings could also give you heartache!
    I am experiencing that now.
    Siblings are no longer your siblings alone after their marriage. Specially the moment your BIL or SIL is feeling possessive of your attachment, things go haywire.
    It takes time for understanding and clarity. But in relationship everything happens just like that.

    When my brother got married, my SIL (that time would be SIL) was very much bothered about his attachment to us (sisters). She imagined us as her enemies, and felt threatened by our presence.
    She equated our relationship (sibling love) to her relationship (couple love) and got confused unnecessarily.
    In her family, not even sisters share a close bond. So, our friendly relationship created a lot of suspicions in her mind even before she understood who we were.
    Sadly, she reacted to it and created hell lot of issues between the families based on her hallucination.
    Therefore, for a brief time I had to stay away from my brother's life for good.

    Later, SIL understood our real bond, and apologized. But the vacuum she created remains unchanged.
    For me, it is difficult to mingle with my brother as before, and for my brother it is difficult to accept whatever I say as before without thinking twice.
    Though SIL mingles with me as another sibling now, and I have no problems with her at all.... Things are very different between myself and my brother now (we do fight often, have misunderstanding, doubt each other etc..etc.. and we know it is all because of SIL's hallucination that we are unable to get out of it). The relationship will never be the same again.

    But thankfully because of the broad-minded BIL (sister's H), my bond with my sister has tightened a lot after marriage.

    So, siblings love after marriage is highly dependent on their spouses!
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  8. deepthivinayak1

    deepthivinayak1 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I have a brother and my husband have one brother. Before my marriage I was close to my brother but after marriage it changed. But when I see my husband and his brother relationship,I really feel jealous. My husband is youngest.so he is pampered and well guided by his big brother. When we all meet together,brothers will have gala time. Me n co sister also enjoy the get together. When ever we have any crises or problem, my husband says his brother is there if anything happen.(not financial support but moral) if my husband or his brother confused in any situation,they both talk to each other and support each other. I realized the value of siblings only after seeing their bonding. My brother is far away from me, we both emotionally bonded but we don’t communicate much. I thought of having only one kid. But after long gap, I decided to have second one ,so that my elder one can have a younger one just like my bil and my husband. I got two boys now. I hope they support each other when we were not there. Though there is gap between two kids, my elder one don’t have to go to other house to play or play when niece or nephew come home. He got his brother to play now and in future support each other.
     
    lavani likes this.

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